Famous Men are Paying to Have Their Balls Smoothed Out

danny devito glassesPowerful salt-and-pepper god George Clooney made “ball ironing” an actual craze when he joked that he’d gotten his unwrinkled.

The owner of a popular spa in Santa Monica says Hollywood is all over the non-surgical “Male Laser Lift” where the old willow sap bubbles are smoothed out, the hairs are zapped off and the age spots are erased.

According to the cosmetic expert with the porn star-esque title of “Nurse Jamie,” celebrities, bankers and CEOs are paying $575 for the process, which takes roughly 70 minutes. From the Daily Mail:

Like women, she explains her male clients are keen to ‘keep their garden kept’ and it’s purely for aesthetic reasons.  Continue reading “Famous Men are Paying to Have Their Balls Smoothed Out”

LAPD Apologizes for Talking About Notorious B.I.G’s Scrotum

Notorious BIG faceThe Los Angeles Police Department has apologized for an “administrative error” that allowed Notorious B.I.G.’s gruesome autopsy report to be released without the consent of his family.

In the report, the coroner called 24-year-old Christopher Wallace (aka Biggie Smalls) “morbidly obese” and wrote that he “may” be a rap singer in the Other Pertinent Information section.

The most traumatic thing his mother learned relates to the third bullet, which went through his balls.

“The projectile strikes the left side of the scrotum, causing a very shallow, 3/8 inch linear laceration.”

Continue reading “LAPD Apologizes for Talking About Notorious B.I.G’s Scrotum”

Obama Jokes About Donald Trump On Leno, Stephen Colbert Makes Ball-Shallowing Offer

On Wednesday Donald Trump was like “Hey Obama, if you show me your college transcripts and passport records I’ll give $5 million dollars to inner city kids.”
Not sure what he expected to uncover. Secret basement Columbia and Harvard Law courses on running a country you’re not from? Or perhaps his how-tos papers on printing fake Hawaiian birth certificates?

Fastforward to Wednesday night when Barack visited The Tonight Show with Jay LenoContinue reading “Obama Jokes About Donald Trump On Leno, Stephen Colbert Makes Ball-Shallowing Offer”

J.K. Rowling Ditches Wands For Cleavage In ‘The Casual Vacancy’

Back in April, it was announced that Harry Potter darling J.K. Rowling would put hand to computer for a book directed at a more adult audience.

In just a day, Rowling’s first book since the series that sold over 450 million copies and made her the most famous living author in the world comes out.

It’s called The Casual Vacancy and it’s “a comic tragedy,” five hundred and twelve pages long, and about some sort of rivalry. Most importantly, it contains multiple laughable references to genitalia.

Here are three excerpts to blush and cackle over:

“That miraculously unguarded vagina.”

“The leathery skin of her upper cleavage radiated little cracks that no longer vanished when decompressed.”

” …With an ache in his heart and in his balls.”  Continue reading “J.K. Rowling Ditches Wands For Cleavage In ‘The Casual Vacancy’”

Matt Damon Calls Out Obama’s Lack Of Balls

Matt Damon is the perfect example of a disgruntled Obama supporter, there backing and helping to elect him from the start. Damon is now furious with way he’s handled things and the fact that the country is still in shambles. He told Elle Magazine,

“I’ve talked to a lot of people who worked for Obama at the grassroots level. One of them said to me, ‘Never again. I will never be fooled again by a politician,’ You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better.”

Continue reading “Matt Damon Calls Out Obama’s Lack Of Balls”