Bruce Jenner Suffering From Skin Cancer ‘For Several Years’

Bruce Jenner nose cancerThe lone elder pole vaulting penis of the Kardashian Kamp was not punched in the face by Kris Jenner for failing to put his toy helicopters away after all…

After being photographed out and about with a bandaged face, Bruce Jenner confirms to E! News that he has undergone surgery to remove cancerous tissue from his nose, thus urging us all to protect our non-Armenian skin with handfuls of sunscreen and to steal wide-rimmed golf hats from that special old man in your life. (Be it a sugar daddy, grandfather, or clueless neighbor.)

“I was diagnosed with…Basal cell carcinoma and have undergone Mohs surgery to remove it,” 63-year-old Jenner tells the site. “I have been struggling with this for several years and appreciate all of the support and prayers while I continue to fight the battle against skin cancer.”  Continue reading “Bruce Jenner Suffering From Skin Cancer ‘For Several Years’”

Mickey Rourke’s Face Is Flatlining

Mickey Rourke isn’t going to be a mummy for Halloween but he wouldn’t have to change much to do so.

In new pictures acquired by Radar and The National Enquirer, Mickey’s face is on display after work (plastic surgery) he had done in 2011.

He can blame the broken nose and messed up cheekbone he incurred after his stint as a teenage boxer (from 1964 to 1972) all he wants but these surgeries are about as necessary as my neighbor burning steak and letting the entire hallway fill up with smoke.

I mean, would it kill you to open the outside door to let some air in? No, but Mickey is zero botched surgeries away from an unrevivable career. My hair still smells like smoke and his face looks like shit.