A [Very] Brief History of Obama Selfies

Obama funeral selfieEven though people have been twerking and taking selfies since before the invention MTV and polaroid cameras, 2013 was the year we gave these occurrences a title that even your most out-of-touch relative might causally drop into a sentence.

Just the other day Obama was called out for taking a “selfie,” (a “self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone” according to Wiki), at a funeral.

Not just a funeral, but the funeral of Africa’s most beloved icon of peace, equality and freedom: Nelson Mandela.

The Obamas are as American as a family can get, one that often partakes in selfie-taking. For instance, here is one of Michelle with her and Barack’s Portuguese Water Dog Bo…  Continue reading “A [Very] Brief History of Obama Selfies”

Obama: “Trayvon Martin Could Have Been Me”

obama trayvon martin 1On Friday Obama gave a very personal and heartfelt speech about the shooting of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman’s not guilty verdict, which caused outrage across America in the form of protests large enough to shut down freeways in L.A.

“You know, when Trayvon Martin was first shot I said that this could have been my son,” Obama said of the teen who was gunned down by the neighborhood watch captain in Sanford, Florida in 2012. “Another way of saying that is Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago.”

“And when you think about why, in the African-American community at least, there’s a lot of pain around what happened here, I think it’s important to recognize that the African-American community is looking at this issue through a set of experiences and a history that doesn’t go away,” he continued.  Continue reading “Obama: “Trayvon Martin Could Have Been Me””

Check Out Obama’s Groovy Hawaiian Prom Photo

Obama prom picture
Awww. Look at Barry in 1979 all decked out in a lei with his bottle poppin’ best friend and their dates.

With the help of the brunette on his left (Kelli Allman), Time Magazine released two photos of 17-year-old Obama at the dance in honor of the Millions of American teenagers who will go to prom this year.

The guy in the white pants (Greg Orme) was Barack’s basketball teammate at Punahou School in Honolulu and brother from another mother, according to Allman.  CLICK for bonus ’70s fun-time photo

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-19-12]

Obama SpidermanBarack Obama is Time’s Person of the Year. As if anyone else was considered. (Just Jared)

That video of the eagle trying to take off with a baby in Montreal is FAKE. (Gawker)

Taylor Swift FORCES her boyfriends to get giant arm tattoos. (Huffington Post)

Legs of Hugh Jackman neglected at gym in favor of arms, back and chest. (Celebuzz)

Chord Overstreet strips and jumps in Hurricane Sandy flood waters. (ohmyGAHH!)

The guy who cut Kim Kardashian‘s hair deserves a prize of some sort. (Evil Beet)

Japan has around two gun deaths a year. America has nearly 9,000. Figure it out. (The Atlantic)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-17-12]

McKayla Maroney and Barack Obama are not impressed with ________. (Deadspin)

I thought R.E.M. broke up? Apparently Lindsay‘s drunk ass reunited them. (Evil Beet)

Taylor Swift gets handled by One Direction singer Harry Styles. (Celebuzz)

New American Idol promos make Nicki Minaj look like a barrel of laughs. (ONTD!)

Ellen DeGeneres talks inaccurate gaydar. (ohmyGAHH!)

Voice of Elmo Kevin Clash paid accuser $125,000 to retract his story. (TMZ)

The Killers make first good decision in years, put Winona Ryder in music video. (NME)

Marijuana Legalized In Colorado and Washington, Marriage Equality For Maine and Maryland!

Today was a good day for Democrats. Colorado, Washington, Maine and Maryland made history for their yes votes on marriage equality measures and marijuana legalization, oh, and that Obama guy won.

In spite of Colorado and Washington’s recreational marijuana use laws (Initiative 502 and Amendment 64) passing, the states still have a way to go in terms of actual results, so don’t take your pipe on a walk just yet.

Huffington Post and other websites report that it could take months, possibly even a year, for 21-and-overs to legally buy pot.

Here’s a statement from CO governor John Hickenlooper:  Continue reading “Marijuana Legalized In Colorado and Washington, Marriage Equality For Maine and Maryland!”

Here’s That Lena Dunham ‘First Time’ Video That Everyone Freaked Out Over

Girls creator Lena Dunham released a campaign ad for Barack Obama that playfully compared voting for the first time to losing your virginity and the conservatives who would rather pretend sex doesn’t exist and shove it in a corner like it’s a haunted ventriloquist doll predictably hated it.

“It tickles me to no end that while my twitter feed was blowing up with conservative hate,” Dunham wrote on Twitter. “I was literally hanging out in a pile of bisexuals.”

The most outrageous response to the video came from Ben Shapiro of BigGovernment.com, who said that Obama is exploiting young women.  Continue reading “Here’s That Lena Dunham ‘First Time’ Video That Everyone Freaked Out Over”

Donald Trump Offers Obama $5 Million To Release Misc. Records

Wannabe politician and actual reality star Donald Trump is still obsessed with Barack Obama‘s past and history as some sort anti-American terrorist.

On October 24, after multiple guesses from the media about a new, big Trump announcement including one about Barack and Michelle divorce papers, he revealed the “surprise” that was somehow intended to shake up the election.

Trump is offering $5 million dollars to the charity of Obama’s choosing, if he agrees to release his college and passport records.  Continue reading “Donald Trump Offers Obama $5 Million To Release Misc. Records”

I Respect Ann Coulter’s ‘Retard’ Comments Because…

After the debates last night, famous conservative controversy-lover Ann “long hands” Coulter wrote, “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.”

Yes Ann Coulter called Obama a retard, yes a boatload of angry liberals on Twitter attacked her ignorance, specifically her use of the “r-word,” yes I support her right to say it. You know why?

…Because there are thousands of democrats calling her and Mitt Romney retards at this exact moment. Also, it’s not like Coulter’s statements were ever subtle.

She is, after all, the one who called Princess Diana a “nitwit hussy” and said America would be better if women couldn’t vote though I think she meant “the country would be better if Ann Coulter couldn’t vote.”  Continue reading “I Respect Ann Coulter’s ‘Retard’ Comments Because…”

Obama Calls Out Mitt’s Backtracking, Labels It ‘Romnesia’

At a speech in Virginia at George Mason University yesterday afternoon Obama addressed his running opponent Mitt Romney‘s “backtracking” and “sidestepping” ways, humorously labeling the condition “Romnesia.”

Here are the symptoms, so nobody else catches it:

If you say you’re for equal pay for equal work, but you keep refusing to say whether or not you’d sign a bill that protects equal pay for equal work – you might have Romnesia.

If you say women should have access to contraceptive care, but you support legislation that would let your employer deny you contraceptive care – you might have a case of Romnesia.  Continue reading “Obama Calls Out Mitt’s Backtracking, Labels It ‘Romnesia’”

Of Course Barack Obama Listens To Nicki Minaj

Our current president enjoys pro and college football and basketball, was born in Hawaii, says “uhhh” a lot and likes rap music. (In 2010 he told Rolling Stone that he enjoys Jay-Z, Nas, and Lil’ Wayne.) These are things that I know to be true about him.

Add Nicki Minaj to the list of music Obama works out to. After being asked about the feud between Nicki and Mariah Carey on American Idol, he responded:

“I think that they are going to be able to sort it out. I am confident. I am all about bringing people together. Working for the same cause. So, I think that both outstanding artists are going to be able to make sure that, you know, they’re moving forward and not going backwards.”  Continue reading “Of Course Barack Obama Listens To Nicki Minaj”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-10-12]

President Barack Obama lifted off the ground by a hug. (Gawker)

Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother) and Taran Killam (SNL) are married. (Us Weekly)

I can see ALL of your penisJon Hamm. (ohmyGAHH)

Peaches Geldof talks on the phone, drops baby onto the street. (Pajiba)

Millions of hermit crabs scuttling around a single beach. (io9)

Jessica Simpson causes media frenzy using only her body. (Jezebel)

Strip club visits keep it spicy for Katy Perry and John Mayer. (Evil Beet)

Nicki Minaj is glad the president understands her creativity. (Huffington Post)

Changing diapers is “beautiful,” says Beyonce. (People)

Obama Thinks You Need To Be Drunk To Vote For Him

I know I’m just one of many people who have grown tired of Obama‘s youthful “I’m cool, please like me” antics. It would be fine if you all voted for him in 2004 because the thought of another Republican in the white house frightened you too much.

Instead, people my age and older voted for the FIRST TIME because they were overly inspired by the “Obama Hope” campaign. The t-shirts, the celebrity endorsements, the Decemberists (and many other bands) playing free concerts in his honor…  Continue reading “Obama Thinks You Need To Be Drunk To Vote For Him”

Romney Campaign Calls Obama A Hawaiian Stoner, Makes Him Sound Cool As F**k

Mitt Romney stand-in John Sununu insulted Obama’s senatorial state of Illinois and called him an Un-American “scoundrel” on Fox News. The fun doesn’t stop there. Sununu also said that “He has no idea how the American system functions. And we shouldn’t be surprised about that because he spent his early years in Hawaii smoking something…and another set of years in Indonesia.”

The thing is, he just made Barack sound cooler to the naive Democratic 15 to 40-something demographic. While Sununu surely made a few Romney supporters nod their heads in approval, the effect this has on liberals outweighs that.

Continue reading “Romney Campaign Calls Obama A Hawaiian Stoner, Makes Him Sound Cool As F**k”

‘Obama Isn’t Black’ Love, Morgan Freeman

Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman told NPR that “America’s first Black president hasn’t arisen yet. ” Yes, arisen, like Blacula. He went on to explain that Obama is “America’s first mixed-race president.”

“First thing that pops into my head regarding our president is that all of the people who are setting up this barrier…they just conveniently forget that Barack had a mama, and she was white.”

I think Freeman was actually trying to say that we (whities especially) should keep in mind that our president is even more relatable to the country than a fully African-descended or Caucasian man, and that we shouldn’t constantly refer to him as “black.”  Continue reading “‘Obama Isn’t Black’ Love, Morgan Freeman”

Cher’s Mom Is Pretty Hot

Cher posted a photo of her and her 86 year-old mother, Georgia Holt on Twitter right before meeting president Obama at a LBGT fundraiser at the Beverly Wilshire.

Let me just say, what a hot grandma. I can only hope to look 30% as good as her in 60 years.

Did Jane Fonda and Betty White open a spa at an undisclosed location where they sacrifice babies and eat peasants in a bathtub full of milk like Charlize in Snow White?

I demand answers, and so does Obama. Apparently the president playfully asked about her Holt’s diet after Cher told him that she’s 86.

According to the Tweet, Barack said, “Georgia,tell me what u eat.”

Jay-Z Jumps On Barack’s Pro-Gay Marriage Bandwagon

Jay-Z isn’t exactly the first person you’d expect to come out in support of gay marriage, but he’s not the last either. The underlying (or obvious) homophobia in rap has been apparent for years.

Artists like Rick Ross, Eminem, The Game, 50 Cent, Kanye West, Ja Rule, DMX and Tyler, The Creator are all guilty of it in some form. Jay-Z, who recently came out in in support of Obama’s comments, has never done more than name-drop notorious gay-basher Buju Banton.

People still seem shocked by his words. “I’ve always thought it as something that was still holding the country back. What people do in their own homes is their business and you can choose to love whoever you love.”

Continue reading “Jay-Z Jumps On Barack’s Pro-Gay Marriage Bandwagon”