Funny Video: NBA Players Read Mean Tweets

The maturity of internet trolls combined with the confused faces of professional basketball players makes the second NBA edition of Mean Tweets comic gold. PRESS PLAY!

And I know my gossipy lowlife ass wasn’t the only one waiting with bated breath for the Kim Kardashian diss during the Kris Humphries portion.
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Michelle Obama Makes an Otherwise Boring Meeting With the Miami Heat Interesting

Everyone knows Ms. Bama and her husband are super active and into basketball, football, hell, all the ball sports, and during a visit with LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Ray Allen, coach Erik Spoelstra, 50-year-old Michelle Obama showed impressive jumping and dunking skills in the background of an otherwise boring talk between Wade, Allen and the coach. The toothy faces her and LeBron make after the dunk might have you wishing for a buddy comedy starring the two of them as boisterous siblings or longtime besties coping with adulthood.

Gahhh. Michelle Obama is so fucking adorable. If she wasn’t so obsessed with abolishing fast food / shoving apple slices in everyone’s mouths I would want her to adopt me.

Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk

Michelle Rodriguez drunk Knicks game
Michelle Rodriguez and professional celebrity bestie/model Cara Delevingne seemed to be having an absolute blast at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday.

A blast whenever their eyes weren’t focused on the game, that is.
Michelle Rodriguez drunk
Judging by photos taken of the two at the game, Michelle and Cara got SUPER drunk and possibly high before the game and continued to drink while orange balls bounced past their half-open eyes.
Cara Delevingne michelle rodriguez
They kissed, blew smoke rings [with an e-cig], spaced out and took goofy selfies in case the paparazzi didn’t do their job and capture their complete disinterest in basketball.  Continue reading “Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk”

Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce

We all predicted a Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom divorce as soon as we all heard they got married after only dating for one month, but we were wrong. The marriage lasted a good four years and didn’t end because they merely got sick of each other like so many other boring celebrity romances.

This one is officially ending after Lamar fell back into the arms of his old love, crack cocaine. Not to mention him driving down the wrong side of the road drunk and recording shirtless rap songs about cheating on Khloe. And of course, these are all things that were made painfully public, giving Khloe a handful of legitimate reasons to GTFO.

His eyes have been more glazed than Krispy Kreme since the loss of his NBA career (specifically with the Lakers) and I’m sure his dark past (drug-addicted father, mother died when he was 12) didn’t help.

Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce”

Old Ass Michael Jordan Expecting Fourth Child

20131130-182547.jpgGood news! Michael Jordan’s ancient balls are still magical. The 50-year-old basketball legend and model wife Yvette Preito announced via Us Weekly that they are expecting their first child together, and grandpa-aged Jordan’s fourth overall. (Not-so-great-news for the various women who have unsuccessfully sued Jordan for child support.)

To get an idea of just how old of a dad he is, when this youngest son/daughter is 25 he’ll be 75, and by the time he or she is 50, like 2013-edition MJ, he or she will almost certainly be fatherless.

Just two more kids and he’ll have one for each championship ring….

Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On

Khloe Kardashian casualIn oddly sad celebrity news (if you’re capable of feeling sorry for people whose combined family income could get the country out of debt), Khloe Kardashian can’t go outside without someone whispering about her husband’s homelessness, affairs and the NBA career he could have had if he wasn’t addicted to crack.

This is however, a world where relationships begin and end on Twitter, as we saw with Miley and Liam and now Khloe, whose followers just witnessed the dropping of “Odom” in her handle.

While her sister Kim is busy being blonde in Paris with her baby daddy, infertile Khloe is pretending to enjoy the repetition of treadmills and salad (she was recently spotted at the gym and out at lunch with her mom) without Lamar, still sporting her wedding ring and LO hand tat.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On”

Lamar Odom Followed His Basketball Career, is Missing

Lamar Odom blue suit mtvAfter years of tabloids throwing random darts at the board, they finally landed one on Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. Instead of an affair, it’s a drug problem.

It’s being reported that the former Lakers forward has been missing for the past two days and is on a suspected crack binge after the Kardashians attempted an intervention. God I hope Kanye wasn’t there. “Hey dog, I’m sorry you like drugs, but my new song “Bound 2″ is one of the best singles of all time! Download it if your hands aren’t shaking too bad, k?”

In 2011, Lamar spoke of the heroin addiction that plagued his father, Joe.

“I witnessed things that a 10-year-old definitely wasn’t supposed to see,” Odom said during an episode of Khloe and Lamar. “It’s hard for me to speak up on it and get it through to Khloe because she grew up so different.”

His mom died when he was 12, leaving him with the unstable father figure, so it’s pretty fucking impressive to me that he became a massive basketball star but sadly not terribly surprising that he turned to drugs.Here’s a video of him and his teammates discussing his other addiction, to sugar. As in, somebody slap those rocks out of his hand and replace them with some Pop Rocks already.  Continue reading “Lamar Odom Followed His Basketball Career, is Missing”

Local LA Crazy Man Will Likely Be Waived From NBA Team

Metta World Peace short shortsThe Los Angeles Lakers are considering taking a crucial step in becoming a little less douchey by electing to use their amnesty provision on forward Metta World Peace, the athlete formerly known as Ron Artest. If they go through with it, MWP will be picked up by another team and will continue his career elsewhere.

I’m okay with this situation for two reasons. One, I hate the Lakers, and a decent portion of their fans are pretty butthurt right now about their precious Metta’s (probable) departure.

And two, I hate the guy. Plain and simple.

I’m not going to talk much about his performance as an athlete, because there’s no question that he’s talented. And while his game has declined a bit over the last few seasons, he’ll have no problem getting picked up by another team.  Continue reading “Local LA Crazy Man Will Likely Be Waived From NBA Team”

Ex-NBA Baller Scottie Pippen Kicked a Guy’s Ass

Scottie Pippen doesn't smileRetired Jordan-era Chicago Bull Scottie Pippen was thought to have been arrested on Sunday for assaulting an autograph-seeking fan in a Malibu restaurant, but he wasn’t handcuffed or charged for breaking the man’s teeth and injuring nearly every part of his body including his back, which isn’t even news. (Slow day.)

I haven’t heard anything about Pippen, who won six NBA titles with the Bulls, in forever.

If you look at the “personal” section of his Wikipedia page, there’s nothing but a yard sale from 2011 and something about his wife being on Real Housewives of Miami.

Not that he needs to assault people to become interesting. Living in a sinkhole just crouching over his rings like Gollum until Kobe falls in there and pulls a Bilbo Baggins on his ass seems like a viable option.

TMZ reports that Pippen came out of the sinkhole to have dinner with his family when an overly aggressive fan called him the n-word, spit on his daughter and shoved him.  Continue reading “Ex-NBA Baller Scottie Pippen Kicked a Guy’s Ass”

Brittney Griner To Model Gender-Neutral Nike Clothing

Brittney Griner nikeIn case you were living under a rock on Mars for the past year, Brittney Griner is this incredibly tall awesome woman basketball player who dates other women and wears bow ties. (Check out this ESPN profile of her for more on that.)

She’s the Ronda Rousey of orange leather balls. Or Bill Nye, except instead of teaching science, she’s breaking barriers in sports and changing views on gender roles.

Like Rousey – who convinced MMA president Dana White to allow women in the UFC and is on her way to becoming the sport’s first female millionaire – Griner is very good at what she does and is about to make major bank on her it factor combo of individuality and talent.

Continue reading “Brittney Griner To Model Gender-Neutral Nike Clothing”

The NBA Has Its First Openly Gay, Non-Retired Basketball Player

Jason Collins Sports IllustratedMost people accepted Jason Collins, the first openly gay American male currently participating in professional sports in America, with open arms today after his  announcement through Sports Illustrated.

I wouldn’t label myself an activist,” he wrote. “I just see myself as someone who wants to live his life genuinely.”

Collins, now 34, played for Stanford alongside his identical twin brother Jarron until 2001, when he was drafted by the Nets. He has also played for the Wizards, Hawks, Celtics and Grizzlies.

Supporters already include Kobe Bryant, Metta World Peace, Steve Nash, Spike Lee, and current Boston coach Doc Rivers.

Others called his career “unremarkable,” didn’t care, or, in the case of ESPN’s Chris Broussard, said he and every other gay person is “walking in open rebellion to God” and “living in unrepentant sin.”  Continue reading “The NBA Has Its First Openly Gay, Non-Retired Basketball Player”

World Says ‘Meh’ After Finding Out Brittney Griner is Gay and Already ‘Out’ to Everyone She Knows

Brittney Griner bowtieAt 6’8,” Baylor Bear Brittney Griner is beyond tall enough to dunk. She was just drafted #1 in the WNBA and is one of the few female basketball players who should really be allowed to play against men.

As of April 17, she is also openly gay, and no one seems to care. But is that progress, or bias?

“I really couldn’t give an answer on why that’s so different,” Griner responded after being asked why people seem more accepting of gay women in the WNBA. “Being one that’s out, it’s just being who you are.”

“Again, like I said, just be who you are,” she continued. “Don’t worry about what other people are going to say, because they’re always going to say something, but, if you’re just true to yourself, let that shine through. Don’t hide who you really are.”  Continue reading “World Says ‘Meh’ After Finding Out Brittney Griner is Gay and Already ‘Out’ to Everyone She Knows”

LeBron James Has a Six Pack

LeBron James six pack LeBron James is having a great week. A few days after posting a picture of his 28-year-old abs murdering the weight room, Kobe Bryant murdered his 34-year-old Achilles’ heel along with his career.

Arch rival and five-time NBA championship winner Bryant wrote that he was “Lookin like Mrs Doubtfire with a jerri curl cap” right before entering surgery.

Mrs. Doubtfire in a shower cap or LeBron in the gym? Tough choice.

Normally Intolerable Kobe Bryant Speaks Out Against Intolerance

Kobe Bryant Magic Johnson sonWant to know the one good thing about whiney, self-serving egomaniac Kobe Bryant besides his basketball skills…? He doesn’t completely hate the gays. 

In spite of using the word “faggot” on multiple occasions while arguing with referees, Kobe has come out in support of Magic Johnson’s gay son, or rather, Magic Johnson’s support for his gay son.

TMZ broke the story … Magic and Cookie are 100% behind their son, EJ, who is openly gay. Kobe tells us … “Of course Magic is supportive of and loves his son. Why should anyone be surprised?”

Kobe says, “What I can’t tolerate is a lack of tolerance.”  Continue reading “Normally Intolerable Kobe Bryant Speaks Out Against Intolerance”

Kevin Ware Suffers Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Leg Injury [UPDATE]

Kevin Ware leg injury The Louisville Cardinals made it to the final four on Sunday at Lucas Oil Stadium, but before halftime and their 85-63 win over Duke, their guard, sophomore Kevin Ware was lifted onto a stretcher after breaking the bone in his right leg.

The injury, a result of landing wrong after jumping to block the ball, is being called the worst ever in basketball.

“The bone’s 6 inches out of his leg and all he’s yelling is, ‘Win the game, win the game,'” U of L coach Rick Pitino said. “I’ve not seen that in my life. … Pretty special young man.”  Continue reading “Kevin Ware Suffers Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Leg Injury [UPDATE]”

Dennis Rodman Wants Obama and Kim Jong-un to Bond Over Basketball

Dennis Rodman Kim Jong Un drinkingBROMANCE ALERT. Dennis Rodman is back from his trip to North Korea where he and the Harlem Globetrotters were allowed to meet with “lifelong” basketball fan Kim Jong-un, son of former nightmarish dictator (and butt of lesbian jokes) Kim Jong-il.

In an interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC, Rodman, who seems to have picked up a Barbados accent during his travels, tried his hand at foreign affairs, pleading for the president to have a talk with his new best friend.

“He wants Obama to do one thing: Call him,” the five-time NBA championship ring-holder told Stephanopoulos, adding that Kim does not want to “do war.”  Continue reading “Dennis Rodman Wants Obama and Kim Jong-un to Bond Over Basketball”

WNBA Assault! Chamique Holdsclaw Smashes Girlfriend’s Car, Opens Fire

As a college basketball star in the 90’s, Chamique Holdsclaw was referred to as the “female Michael Jordan.” She’s also a former WNBA star and an Olympic gold medalist.

Holdsclaw, 35, is sadly now one of many athletes whose fall from grace stems from criminal activity.

WSBTV reports that she turned herself in on Thursday after she smashed the windows of her ex-girlfriend and teammate Jennifer Lacy’s car.

Chamique also pulled a handgun out after following behind Lacy’s Land Rover from a parking lot and shot at her vehicle in an attempt to ignite gasoline that she may have previously poured into the car.  Continue reading “WNBA Assault! Chamique Holdsclaw Smashes Girlfriend’s Car, Opens Fire”