New Best Friends Lorde and Taylor Swift go Shopping, Hold Hands on the Beach

Taylor Swift and lorde holding hands
Photos of Taylor Swift and Lorde frolicking on the beach and shopping for something other than good sense and dancing abilities indicate that the two songwriters are becoming close friends.
Via Us Weekly, who called the pair this generation’s “Thelma and Louise” (oh God):

Swift Instagrammed a photo with her new bestie with the caption, “Bare feet in the sand on Saturday.”

The fast friends appeared to be coordinating their outfits, with dark bottoms, button-up tops, and shades.

It looks like Swift may have had a fun sleep over with the New Zealand native in her multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion. Because on Sunday, Feb. 23, they were spotted out and about together for a second time, this time shopping in L.A.’s star-friendly Brentwood neighborhood.

Taylor Swift and Lorde shoe shoppingSPL706561_016
An unlikely pair? Maybe not so much. They’re both human girls under the age of 25 who, uh, make music that falls in the loosely defined “pop” genre. Swift is as much of a serial bestie as she is a dater…

And think about it, she could be her mentor and warn her of the woes of dating John Mayer. (Perhaps she’s revised that “Dear John” hate speech that failed to work on Katy Perry.)  Continue reading “New Best Friends Lorde and Taylor Swift go Shopping, Hold Hands on the Beach”

Lindsay Lohan Has Bruises All Over Her Legs

Lindsay Lohan bruisesWhile taking a dip in the waters of Brazil, Lindsay Lohan displayed some pretty large, above-the-knee bruises.

Let me explain this, in case you forgot what happens to your pain tolerance when you get sloshed on jungle juice… Drunk bitches fall hard because they don’t feel it.

Alcohol may ruin your vision, motor skills, and equilibrium, but it also turns you into Hulk, and Lindsay is no exception. Close your mouths and stop imagining that she’s being abused by Avi Snow or Max George or whoever she’s supposed to be dating now.

UNLESS one of them pushed her down the stairs without knowing that her “I’m pregnant” Tweet was a late April Fool’s joke. Here are some other photos of past and present damage: Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Has Bruises All Over Her Legs”

JWoww’s Going to Look Like Big Ang From ‘Mob Wives’ When She’s Older…

Big Ang bikiniBig-breasted frog Big Ang of VH1’s sometimes-hilarious Mob Wives (also starring Snooki’s favorite throaty bad girl, Drita d’Avanzo) took a bikini beach romp in Fort Lauderdale, Florida earlier this week, reminding us all that she is JWoww 25 years and several tummy tucks later.

We all saw Jenni Farley’s plastic transformation from regular girl-with-boob-job to “Wow, something is wrong with your face but I can’t quite put my finger on it” between season one and six of Jersey Shore, but at least her stomach is intact, for now.

Big Ang (born Angela Raiola in 1960) has the type of belly button that can only be achieved after an abdominoplasty or two…

I call it the Eye of Sauron. Or sometimes, Voldemort’s nostrils. (See Octomom.Continue reading “JWoww’s Going to Look Like Big Ang From ‘Mob Wives’ When She’s Older…”

Taylor Swift Is/Was Basically Dating Mick Jagger

Harry Styles shirtlessLadies, don’t be jealous of Taylor Swift and her boyfriend, One Direction boy-bander Harry Styles. I can see the future, and it involves him fully transitioning into Mick Jagger (or Wrinkly Kong) in 20 years.

I can’t stop thinking about the Mick resemblance after Daily Mail posted photos of Styles absorbing sun and showing off his back acne and random collection of tattoos on the beach in the Caribbean on Saturday.

The older one of Harry (pre-battleship, sister’s name, 007, coat hanger, padlock and bird tattoos) making a familiar face sent me into a state of shockContinue reading “Taylor Swift Is/Was Basically Dating Mick Jagger”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-23-12]

Kate Moss beach penisKate Moss and  husband Jamie Hince photobombed by sandy French penis. (X17 Online)

PSY’s “Gangnam Style” is first YouTube video to reach one billion views. (NME)

LeAnn Rimes wrote a song about her affair with Eddie Cibrian. (Perez)

Scary Movie 5 makes a mockery of Lindsay Lohan’s drug and driving problems. (TMZ)

Melissa Etheridge doesn’t want her kids to have a nice Christmas. (Evil Beet)

The Jersey Shore series finale had the lowest ratings of any JS finale. (Huffington Post)

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles fell down a snowy mountain. Ate meatballs after. (Celebuzz)

Jennifer Lawrence in Hawaii to Film ‘Catching Fire,’ Takes Bikini Break

The 22-year-old actress who has ridiculously been called overweight, plus size and fat, went on a work-related trip to Hawaii for the highly anticipated Hunger Games sequel.

Jennifer Lawrence took her not-huge-at-all behind to a Maui beach for a surfing lesson with her older brother.

In just a week, Lawrence will travel to nearby Oahu for some of Katniss Everdeen’s famous Catching Fire island scenes with Peeta (Josh Hutcherson), Finnick (Sam Claflin), Johanna (Jena Malone), Beetee, Mags and Wiress.

I won’t give too much away, but the second movie has the potential to be even better than the first. The third, I’m not so sure how they’ll film, but that’s not happening until 2014 (and 15).

Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence in Hawaii to Film ‘Catching Fire,’ Takes Bikini Break”

No Really, Britney Spears Looks Good!

How many times have we, the media, said “hey guys, Britney Spears is back in shape”?

I think this might only be the 80th time.

It has happened each time she’s gone back on tour since 2004’s meltdown. Also, when she started her job as a judge on X-Factor and every single time someone catches her in a bikini. Not to mention that Fantasy perfume Cleopatra thing.

I don’t think agreeing if Britney Spears is the most repulsive person alive or just another completely above-average person walking around in L.A is something we can do as a nation.

You have to accept that she never look like she did at the VMA’s with that snake draped over her shoulders. This recent photo from Facebook [insert “it’s Britney, beach” joke here] does seem to confirm the above average attractiveness bit. She asks: Continue reading “No Really, Britney Spears Looks Good!”

Rod Stewart Is The Latest Cast Member Of ‘The Real L Word’

A lot of men turn into lesbians when they get older. It’s not a judgment or a speculation, it’s just the truth. Kyle MacLachlan, Bret Michaels, Bruce Jenner, Mick Jagger, Val Kilmer, and Steven Tyler are all victims of it.

The testosterone diminishes, beers are thrown back as the metabolism slows and the pectoral muscles morph into lusciously hairy b-cups.

This happened to Rod Stewart a long time ago, I’m not sure exactly when, but I’m sure he’s aware of it and just kind of said “fuck it, I’m a 67-year-old rock star and my wife’s a model with bad vision, it no longer matters if I wear a speedo show my tits to strangers on the beach.”  Continue reading “Rod Stewart Is The Latest Cast Member Of ‘The Real L Word’”

Nicki Minaj Debuts Hawaiian Beach Romp, “Starships”

Remember the time Nicki Minaj was beamed out of a spaceship on a tropical island? If you haven’t seen this video then you don’t remember, because it JUST HAPPENED.

Yes, that’s Nicki grinding around Hawaii with green hair and various swimsuits. Mermaids were never easier to catch, but mythical fish or not, I’m starting to realize that I don’t like Nicki Minaj’s persona very much.

Is she starting to fall in line with the Katy Perrys of the world? I listen to some of her songs but I think she’s unusually attention-seeking.

Continue reading “Nicki Minaj Debuts Hawaiian Beach Romp, “Starships””

Rihanna’s Vacation Photos Will Make You Feel Boring

Remember that study about Facebook, that said it makes everything worse for people with low self-esteem (almost everyone) because “Prominent displays of status updates, flattering photos and shots of happy-looking people” make us feel like scheisse?

Rihanna’s latest Facebook photos fall right under that description. Ms. BarbadoClownTastic’s picture section was just updated with no more than 169 visuals from her vacation to Hawaii late last year.

Continue reading “Rihanna’s Vacation Photos Will Make You Feel Boring”

Steven Tyler Needs A Breast Reduction

It’s baffling to me that Steven Tyler was once considered one of the sexiest frontmen of the 70’s and 80’s alongside Bret Michaels and Mick Jagger. Now he’s more like something you’d snicker at on the National Geographic Channel or in your parent’s contemporary art history book.

This photo was posted yesterday on TMZ with the headline “Steven Tyler topless in Maui.” His boobs just keep getting bigger too, he’s definitely a B-cup, a future [insert inappropriate Hepatitis C joke here] C. Tyler may have a busy year in 2012. He’s signed on for one more season of American Idol, engaged and soon-to-be-wed, and was the first guest on Oprah’s Next Chapter, a new primetime series, January 1st.

Continue reading “Steven Tyler Needs A Breast Reduction”

Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)

Julia Roberts, Ke$ha and Mel B

Ah celebrities and their love/hate relationship with the beach, bikinis, paparazzi and general body dysmorphia. Body issues that I am in no way helping by critiquing and berated on my filthy, degrading website. (Meh)

Most of these celebrities aren’t even overweight. In fact, many are disturbingly skinny and withered from years of starvation, mid-chest sun exposure, alcohol-slurping and botched cosmetic surgery…

Continue reading “Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)”