Why Conchita Wurst Has a Beard

Austrian Eurovision Song Contest 2014 winner Conchita Wurst, drag ego of Thomas Neuwirth, recently appeared on The Graham Norton show in England alongside Kirsten Dunst, Dawn French and Bear Grylls to discuss her performance of “Rise Like a Phoenix,” her newfound fans (among them, Cher and Elton John and David Furnish – who had flowers sent to her dressing room), and most importantly: why she rocks a beard.

Graham Norton:

Even here in Britain, people are a bit if not freaked out, they’re kind of confused by the beard. Why do you think the beard is such a big deal?

Conchita Wurst:

I know it is something you don’t see everyday, but I created this bearded lady just to show everybody that you, it’s so cheesy, but you just get one life and you better make it fabulous, and that’s just my own truth. I feel this stage persona and I felt more comfortable on stage.

I’m a member of the gay community and our stories are similar, being a teenager in this small village wasn’t the funnest thing on earth. Over the years, I tried to fit in. I changed myself in every way you can imagine. I just wanted to be part of the game. Then I realized well, I create the game.

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What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…

The slightly uneventful but still wonderful first episode of the fourth season of Game of Thrones aired last night and the unexpected star and winner of the internet for the week was none other than the king of one-liners, burn victim Sandor “The Hound” Clegane, who is currently on a mission to deliver Arya Stark to her dead mother’s crazy sister for a hefty sum.

The Hound spawned a bunch of memes after he closed the episode by spewing amazingly humorous dialogue about eating chicken right before beating up a roomful of thugs and getting Arya’s sword back (gifted by Jon Snow, nicknamed “Needle,” “Stick them with the pointy end” etc.).  Continue reading “What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…”

One Pac-Man Beard To Rule Them All….

pacman beard This guy with the Pac-Man/Ms. Pac-Man-without-the-bow (because true nerds know regular Pac-Man doesn’t have eyes) facial hair could totally be Bristol Palin’s next boyfriend. Or Edward Furlong’s protégé.

His name is unknown, but he was featured on both Uberhumor (as “Pacbeard”) and Tosh.0. I especially love how he had to draw an outline with a cheap pen because no one would know what the hell was on his face if he hadn’t.

The sparse patches of hair apparently represent the pac-dots. Or he just has really specific alopecia. It’s hard to know without checking his medical records and blood alcohol content.

That doesn’t look like human hair at all inside Pac-She-Man, it’s more like he made a gold Prismacolor work on his skin using sorcery or painfully excessive pressure. (Again, medical records, BAC.)

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Pregnancy Gave Drew Barrymore a Red Goatee

Drew Barrymore goatee Are you afraid to have a child because you can’t imagine being able to afford industrial gobs of cocoa butter, therapy, diapers, vaginoplasty and tiny containers of apple sauce? Well, add hair removal to that list. Drew Barrymore grew a beard while she was pregnant with her daughter, and so could you.

“I got a wonderful little goatee, and it was red! I also got hyperpigmentation on my cheeks,” Barrymore told In Touch.

Hair removal and a ton of powder for when your face turns into a poppy seed muffin. Good luck passing the drug test.

REST IN PEACE Chuck Norris, Hello Carlos Ray

beardless Chuck Norris I know a girl whose ovaries fall out every time she sees Chuck Norris on TV. She watches Walker, Texas Ranger reruns almost every day, so she’s obviously evolved to regenerate vital organs.

Onto other scientific miracles… You’ve probably already guessed from my opening sentence that the above picture is not of William H. Macy or Tim Allen with AIDS, but of a beardless Chuck Norris.

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Ryan Seacrest Shaved His Beard

Julianne hough swimmingCowgirl Julianne Hough is “taking a break” from being Idol doormat, Kardashian zookeeper and On Air host Ryan Seacrest’s beard. Seacrest and Hough are reportedly no longer live together in the mansion he purchased from Ellen DeGeneres last year because of his busy schedule.

Word has it, Hough could not handle the fact that her sleek, well-groomed man-seal was mysteriously absent from the bedroom. “He never sleeps,” an insider told Us Weekly, adding that she couldn’t handle his “lifestyle.”

Origin story: after turning 18 and briefly dating Dane Cook, Julianne was pursued by Ryan. She thought he was gay, but dating Cook was enough for her to say yes to the ‘crest.

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Julie Chen’s Fu Manchu Kills On ‘The Talk’

Julie chen beard I always say “If it’s funny, it’s not racist,” and Julie Chen with a Fu Manchu moustache is absolutely hilarious.

Four of The Talk hosts (five if you count guest Carnie Wilson) donned beards for a segment where they discussed a woman with a hormone imbalance who grew out her facial hair for Movember, a yearly event that brings awareness to prostate cancer.

Sheryl Underwood (in a Santa Clause getup) joked that Chen “should be running an opium ring.”

“It’s times like these that I like to quote Confucius. And Confucius say ‘No pluck your stubble, good luck no trouble,” Chen responded, struggling to keep a straight face.  Continue reading “Julie Chen’s Fu Manchu Kills On ‘The Talk’”

Hey, Leave Grey-Haired Chris Noth Alone!

I take offense to the Daily Mail article titled “What happened to Mr. Big? Chris Noth looks worlds away from Sex And The City alter-ego with greying hair and growing paunch.”

Think about it, Carrie Bradshaw’s love interest was never a six-packed Ryan Gosling.

He was charming and able to afford perfectly tailored Armani suits. For Hollywood, yeah, maybe he’s not up to par, but he’s 57 freakin’ years old!

If your friend’s dad (in REAL LIFE) looked this good you’d be sweating him like Rayanne sweated Angela’s dad on My So-Called Life. Gross but true.

This picture of him wandering around a farmer’s market in L.A. had the site calling him and his “pot belly” “unrecognisable” and his beard “unruly.” Damn ageists.

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Father’s Day Is Coming, Get Him A Bearded Hat

Is your father a burn victim, a Native American, a snowboarder, or a transgendered woman? Look no further. You can buy him this beanie for face warming, or to make him feel like he’s grown his very own beard.

Beardbeanie.com states that they can be used for skiing, rock climbing, snowmobiling, hunting, backpacking, snow shoveling, snowboarding, winter hiking, ice skating, sledding, cross county skiing, ice fishing, and paragliding.

So it’s really multi-purpose, and really funny to look at. Sounds like a win win, no? They also come in multiple colors, dark brown, light brown, blonde, black, white, and even red.  Continue reading “Father’s Day Is Coming, Get Him A Bearded Hat”

Shia LaBeouf’s Hair Wants To Be Taken Seriously

Shia LaBeouf or at least, someone who has been identified as Shia LaBeouf, has been spotted at Cannes Film Festival. He is promoting the Depression-era Appalachian crime drama Lawless.

The movie, in theaters August 31, co-stars Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman, and Mia Wasikowska.

Pop Sugar went as far as to call the duo of LeBeouf and Hardy a “double dose of hotness,” but I have to object…

Shia may be more proud (he said in an interview that he was returning with a “smaller hotel room” and “a lot more pride”) but he looks like a skinny Creed singer in an Easter Sunday suit.

At least he shaved, a few weeks prior. Jesus Chris, just move to Boulder Colorado already.

Shia LaBeouf Wants To Be Ugly

I’ve never been one of those LaBeouf fans that swooned over him for the two years that he was a big deal. He’s a mediocre actor (as so many are) and not as good looking as people say and I really hated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and the second Transformers movie. (I didn’t see the third)

On that super harsh sounding note, he’s really not that bad or usually on my radar at all but now I see that he was spotted in this getup

Full ponytail, dorky faux Native American tunic and Oregon hippie beard.

OBVIOUSLY the kid is trying to be “ugly,” or it’s for a movie role, or both. It’s like when Brad Pitt grew that nappy beard that appeared to be housing a new species of bed bug, or when Johnny Depp starting believing he was a pirate/Keith Richards.

Appearance Changes For Katy Perry And Ashton Kutcher

Ashton and Katy both just got out of relationships, one noticeably longer than the other yet equally high-profile. Like all shamed and tired recently-made single people, they’re both going for something new. Ashton Kutcher cut his hair and shaved his beard/sideburns and Katy Perry dyed her blue.

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Ke$ha’s Hairy Website, ‘Put Your Beard In My Mouth’

We all know Ke$ha likes beards, or at least we know she talks about them a lot. Until now I wasn’t sure that her beard obsession was real. It seemed like another gimmick. Like when she says she digs through the garbage to look for potential outfits. Okay, that could be true as well but this beard thing, it’s confirmed.

She actually has a Tumblr page with the title “put your beard in my mouth, that’s an order.” It may be a quote inspired by Conan O’Brien but it truly is a website encouraging men to submit pictures of their beards for her viewing pleasures.

Ke$ha even attended the New York City beard competition in Greenpoint, Brooklyn to “get inventory” as she put it, and to flirt with burly men who desperately need to SHAVE.

(I don’t understand this fetish. Beards should be illegal in all 50 states. Puerto Rico too)

Robert Pattinson Is A Big Rugged Sasquatch

The Twilight Manvira/Kristen Stewart kidnapper was spotted at LAX and then seen arriving in Paris at Roissy Charles de Gaulles Airport on Friday, October 21st with a big bushy Nord beard.

This villainous R-Patz face and chin merkin made an appearance in September but was thwarted by the heroic efforts of our savior: A PAIR OF SCISSORS, SHAVING CREAM, HOT WATER AND A RAZOR.

Plus restraints may also have been used to hold the British lycanthrope (werewolf) down for ultimate face-smoothing results.

I mean, it’s not like Robert Pattinson is ever without a little five o’clock shadow, not to mention eye bags deeper than Trump’s pockets and hair as greasy as Paula Deen’s skillet BUT beards are never a good idea…

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Amish Rebels Commit Hair And Beard Trim Attacks in Ohio

Steubenville and surrounding areas in Ohio, are the locations of very unusual crimes. A rogue group called the “Bergholz Clan” are terrorizing Amish men and women, breaking into their houses and cutting their hair and beards.

The clan actually consists of two Amish sets of brothers, the Mullet (Sam, Johnny and Lester) and Millers (Levi and Lester), most of which have already been arrested for assault and burglary…

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