Underage Justin Bieber Grabs a Beer and a Handful of Texan Stripper Booty

justin bieber shirtless strip clubSome girls break free of their clean-cut image by wearing more revealing clothing and making risky non nun-approved career moves, but Justin Bieber isn’t like the other girls.

He breaks free by being completely topless in public, drinking Dos Equis and molesting exotic dancer sirloin.

Would he get girls (or boys) if he wasn’t famous? Yes, but not nearly as many.

Instead of being at some ultra-packed strip club in Texas, he’d be at the dive on the corner throwing quarters into the cheese-filled ass dimples of girls with nicknames like Buckwheat and Tiny.

I’m about to turn my own life around and open a really popular club in L.A. with a strict “no shirt, no service” policy for the sole satisfaction of rejecting Justin the second him and his goofball entourage catch wind of it just to prove that rules do in fact apply to them.

Read: Unbeliebable: 33-year-old Bieber fan has $100k of plastic surgery to look like his idol

Obama Thinks You Need To Be Drunk To Vote For Him

I know I’m just one of many people who have grown tired of Obama‘s youthful “I’m cool, please like me” antics. It would be fine if you all voted for him in 2004 because the thought of another Republican in the white house frightened you too much.

Instead, people my age and older voted for the FIRST TIME because they were overly inspired by the “Obama Hope” campaign. The t-shirts, the celebrity endorsements, the Decemberists (and many other bands) playing free concerts in his honor…  Continue reading “Obama Thinks You Need To Be Drunk To Vote For Him”

Now Get Wired AND Drunk At Starbucks

When you think of alcohol finally being served at Starbucks, I bet you thought of a nice steamy caramel macchiato with two shots of Bailey’s, well too bad, all you’re getting is beer, wine and cheese.

Yes just one day after I wrote about the boxy fun of a drive-through in Washington made of wacky shipping crates I’m telling you that the coffee company is adding non-hard alcohol to their menu. By the end of 2012 they hope for 25 of their chains to serve spirits.

Continue reading “Now Get Wired AND Drunk At Starbucks”