Batman Looks Like Iron Man In New Trailer

There’s a scene in the new Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer where Ben Affleck’s Batman looks suspiciously like he’s wearing a black version of Iron Man’s suit.

Affleck has also chosen to use the classic deep, loud and over-the-top voice we’d grown to hate in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight movies.
Batman iron man
While we still don’t know exactly why Batman and Superman are fighting (other than to make Warner Bros. a sh*tload of money at the box office), the Superman statue with “False God” painted on the chest plate might be a clue.

The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)

gone girl car amy
For so many, Gone Girl is the worst possible marriage scenario, but for me it’s the terrifying story of the craziest woman ever. We have author Gillian Flynn, David Fincher, Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike to thank for the most psychological fuckery of 2014. Spoilers ahead.

Continue reading “The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)”

Ben Affleck’s Sad Batman Needs a Lollipop and a Handful of Paxil

Ben Affleck first batman imageHoly black and white gimp suit! It’s Ben Affleck’s unmistakable chin cleft protruding out of a mask in the first official photo from Batman vs. Superman…

I’m not 100% sure what these two famous superheroes are fighting over besides money at the box office, but Bruce Wayne is sort of the Samantha Jones of Gotham, so I figure he’s speeding into Metropolis to throw Amy Adams in his trunk because she has a thing for guys who play Batman.

Yeah the logo on the chest is larger and looks more like the inkblot from Batman Forever, the ribbing on the stomach is completely different from Christian Bale’s caped crusader and the seams (some thought them to be veins) are also super pronounced, but I’d rather make fun of how emo and not-stoked-at-all about the Batmobile he looks.

This is not the face of Batman, this is the face of a teenage girl on My Super Sweet 16 whose parents got her a Kia.

Ben Affleck Is The New Batman … How Does That Make You Feel?

Affleck Duck batman Zack Snyder impressed me with Man of Steel even though I was slightly disturbed that Superman put his poor mother through the ringer destroying her house, basically killing her husband and his adopted father by respecting his stupid prideful wish to die in a tornado and then barely offered her a hug as consolation before he flew away.

Fortunately, Batman is going to save the day in the sequel, teaming up with Superman as superbros for DC life because they have to at least try to compete with Marvel. And who knows, maybe Joseph Gordon-Levitt will show up as Robin ala World’s Finest Comics?

The role of Batman, best played by Michael Keaton and I guess Christian Bale, has been officially scooped up by Ben Affleck. This is all dandy with me because he at least has dark hair and a cleft chin and probably won’t talk in that horrible voice that Bale also used in Terminator.  Continue reading “Ben Affleck Is The New Batman … How Does That Make You Feel?”

Tabloids Privy to Kristen Stewart’s Master Plan to Become Hollywood’s Most Hated Woman

In Touch reports that Kristen Stewart, who went through hell after kissing a married 41-year-old director in a car, is likely to seduce Ben Affleck on the set of movie (Focus) that she hasn’t even been confirmed to star in.

“She’s moving on – to steamy sex scenes with Ben Affleck. Why Jennifer Garner should be very, very worried” the attention-grabbing headline reads.

Remember when Jack in the Box actually became safer to eat at after all those kids died of E. coli in 1993? The same goes for Kristen. And it’s not like she was ever sitting around gnawing on her hair, pointing her Converse at every penis-having human that walked past her trailer.

Everyone forgave Angelina Jolie when she made out with her brother and stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston because they consider her to be beautiful and a talented actress.  Continue reading “Tabloids Privy to Kristen Stewart’s Master Plan to Become Hollywood’s Most Hated Woman”

The Time Ben Affleck Knocked A Mirror Off Someone’s Car And Left A Note

Remember the short-lived VH1 show Celebrity Eye CandyIt was mainly just a funny guy singing songs and explaining photos of celebrities doing everyday things like going to the grocery store or falling onto the sidewalk in a puddle of vodka-scented vomit.

This photo of Ben Affleck leaving a note on a car he knocked the mirror off of during a Saturday drive around Santa Monica, reminds me of the show.

If only I had a clever song to sing about the woman or man who now has Ben’s phone number, which he left on the note along with his name. Scratch that, change to: if only TMZ hadn’t blacked out his contact information.  Continue reading “The Time Ben Affleck Knocked A Mirror Off Someone’s Car And Left A Note”