One’s a successful singer, the other a successful model, about 10 years apart in age, and the older they both get the more they start to morph into each other. Continue reading “Beyoncé is Turning Into Tyra Banks”
I get alerts on my phone informing me when her roots grow and if she may or may not have bunions. And if she does have a bunion, I want to know exactly which foot and the exact location in latitude and longitude.
Which brings me to a website that released not one or two but a whopping 224 unretouched photos of the singer. Continue reading “Unretouched Photos of ‘Regular Woman’ Beyoncé Promptly Removed From Internet”
Wanda Sykes was on Watch What Happens a few Tuesdays ago to air her grievances about the “new” Beyonce. You know, the one who left her man-hating Destiny’s Child sisters in the dust in favor of solo man-worship and a baby suspiciously named after an invasive weed.
My favorite comedian is specifically disturbed by the thought of Jay-Z’s “ashy penis,” but I just miss Kelly and Michelle’s matching halter tops and synchronized hand waving.
Destiny’s Child had a formula and it worked every time… Dirty Beyonce is unpredictable.
Watch and learn, ladies, these three fabulous men dancing at the speed of freshly-fed Hummingbirds to Beyonce’s greatest hits in high heels without breaking a sweat are the hottest thing since croissant-crust Hot Pockets.
You can thank French Britain’s Got Talent finalist Yanis Marshall (in the red and black shorts) for the choreography and equally animated back-up dancers, Arnaud and Mehdi, for the support. Beyonce’s legal team is seeking $2 million in stolen thunder.
Read: Interview w/ “High Heel Dancer” Yanis Marshall; Paris Choreographer Extraordinaire
I can’t even begin to guess why Beyoncé’s [arguably more hip] younger sister Solange went all windmill arms on Jay-Z in an elevator, or why Beyoncé stood by and watched like a stone cold statue. Most believe Jay-Z wronged Beyoncé in some way and Solange is simply more confrontational or psychiatrically unstable than her sister.
Here’s a timeline of events, as told by other sites, to help us all understand:
After elevator brawl, Jay Z and Solange Knowles go jewelry shopping (Washington Post)
Beyoncé is a dedicated wife and mother, but in her latest clip, “Partition,” we see her do what she truly thrives at: performing. Do me a favor and read some lyrics before proceeding:
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f*ck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gown
Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel
Oh baby baby we betta slow it down
(By performing, I mean bedazzling her funbags and wearing floppy hats and elaborate lingerie that could only be undone by a Greek God with an industrial chainsaw. ) Continue reading “Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)”
Vin Diesel may look like he could pick you up and throw you against not just the wall but the ceiling and possibly Earth’s atmosphere and beyond, but his “moves” on the dance floor leave something to be desired.
Click to watch VD in soldier garb doing sex eyes for the camera, sway awkwardly and mouth the words to Katy Perry and Beyonce songs he’s not super familiar. Continue reading “Vin Diesel IS NOT the Dancing Male Stripper of Your Dreams”
There are also 17, count ’em, SEVENTEEN new music videos and everyone’s talking about how only she and a handful of other mega famous artists could pull off such ballsy move, but what they’re failing to mention is that the CD is super raunchy.
In the absolutely filthy “Blow,” Bey sings “Can you lick my Skittles, that’s the sweetest in the middle, pink that’s the flavor,” “I can’t wait ’til I get home so you can turn that cherry out” and “give me that daddy long stroke.” Continue reading “Beyonce Wants Jay-Z to ‘Turn Her Cherry Out’ and ‘Lick Her Skittles’ in New Song”
Beyonce chatted up Flaunt Magazine about Pepsi and pizza and posed for some futuristic photos that just look absolutely nothing like her. Tyra Banks maybe, or Vivica A. Fox, but Bey? No. Anything to do with Pepsi and aliens gets me thinking and (laughing) about that amazing Lana Del Rey drag queen parody. (“I guess you could say I’m like the gangster Nancy Sinatra in that, like, she’s not a gangster and I’m not a Sinatra.”)
I know there’s constant talk of magazines photoshopping models and celebrities, but what about all the “artistic” shoots that still airbrush and morph everyone into barely human fossils of their former selves? They just get a pass, orrrr?
Who am I to talk though? I stay up until 5:00 a.m. with a goal of eventually melting the skin on my eyelids away until I look like the mutant baby from Total Recall. Continue reading “I Look More Like Beyonce than Beyonce on Flaunt Magazine”
E! News’ “most read” article today is, unsurprisingly, one confirming that Beyonce is pregnant with her second child. This means she’ll pop out a beautiful baby (likely the subject of her next HBO special) named Green Violet sometime next winter.
(Hard to be excited for her when SOME people are having their breasts and ovaries removed.)
Clues include a concert cancellation (for dehydration and exhaustion), one stomach-concealing Givenchy dress, and the interviews Beyonce gave right after she gave birth to Blue Ivy. The ones where she said Jay-Z and her weren’t done making sweet unprotected love on a rug made of ground-up Destiny’s Child members. Beyonce’s “I’m about to have another baby” dance goes something like this...
Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.
BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel). CLICK for more insane dresses…
Beyonce was pushed and shoved like a Croat prison bitch in Belgrade, Serbia on April 15 at Kombank Arena. (The exact place she debuted those wonderful golden sandcastle nipples.)
Fans, if you want to call them that, grabbed at her weave, ping-ponging her between the aisles in a scary moment captured by a concert bystander. Bey’s bodyguard appears to do little to remedy the situation.
Beyonce distracted from plans to not perform any new material at the first stop on her Mrs. Carter World Show Tour in Serbia by wearing a sparkly gold bodysuit with nipples three times the size of George Clooney’s in Batman & Robin.
This look (sandcastle mermaid created by 14-year-old boys?), reminds me of something I saw last week on Craigslist. Call me a perv, but I live to find posts where very specific fetishes are solicited, and last week I hit the jackpot. (The best part is posting links to these terrors in Facebook inboxes.)
The one that caught my eye was “Women with HUGE AREOLAS wanted,” by a man willing to pay $300 for sex with a lady with iHop-sized nipple casings. Included were not one, but two photos! Continue reading “Beyonce Kickstarts World Tour With Glittery Nipples”
Brunette Emilia Clarke, best known as Daenerys of House Targaryen on Game of Thrones, posted this beautiful bare-faced photo to her personal Facebook page 4/09/13.
Rihanna, who prefers bright lipstick to excessive foundation and eyeliner, often gives fans a glimpse of her natural self on Instagram.
The X-Factor judge and “Heart Attack” singer Demi Lovato encouraged her Twitter followers to “be brave” and take off their makeup earlier this month. Continue reading “Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup”
“There are women getting beaten on a daily basis, women who are being jailed for no reason … people are fighting for their freedom. It’s extremely insensitive,” Mauricio Claver-Carone, director of the Political Action Committee in Washington D.C. told TMZ.
Do I even have to tell you how ludicrous and pointless it is to point fingers at Beyonce for going on vacation in a country that happens to be in turmoil?
When celebrities go on African safari we don’t yell at them for not solving the crisis in Somalia.
Jay-Z and Beyonce may soon be able to retire and live off a steady income generated by road dog, friend and daughter, Blue Ivy Carter. Before birth, the announcement of Ivy’s existence almost broke Google and Twitter and made the 2011 VMAs the most watched in MTV’s history…
After birth, BIC’s heartbeat and screams on “Glory” helped her become the youngest person credited on a Billboard-charting song (watch the throne, Quvenzhané Wallis). Now her face, which we already saw last February, is causing a succinct, universal “awwww.”
Crashing servers left and right is Ivy’s unimpressed upside-down smile, taken from the HBO documentary, Life is But a Dream. Looks familiar, huh?
Before her big night(s) at the Super Bowl and Grammys (to which she wore a similarly underwhelming black and white trouser and top combo), Beyonce did an interview with Vogue that generated a headline about Blue Ivy being her best and only friend in the world.
This is not entirely true. Vogue did in fact incorporate unique quotes from pals like Gemini’s Twin member Kelly Rowland, mother Tina Knowles, Alicia Keys (who said she has “more power than any woman”) and Gwyneth Paltrow (friends with everybody). GQ did the same thing in their extra strange interview with Bey, enlisting Solange for what felt like half the interview.