Andy Dick Stole a Necklace, Got on His Bicycle and Promptly Went to Jail

In D-list celebrities committing crimes news, Andy Dick was briefly arrested for grand theft after riding away on his bike with some guy’s jewelry

Apparently Andy approached the man on Hollywood Blvd., asked to see his $1000 necklace and then bolted off with it.

No idea if he did it for attention or because he really just liked it THAT MUCH, but sending Andy Dick to a jail full of big burly bros with a thing for petite blonds for thievery is like sending me to the Cheesecake Factory for double homicide.

We can only hope male Piper Kerman hasn’t been bailed out yet and is still living the dream.

Nicole Kidman Fell Over

20130912-162029.jpgA story about Nicole Kidman falling is no more news than a story about me sitting on the couch snorting crushed Wonka Candy and Moscato is because she’s as light as a feather and as white as Grandpa’s Ford Escort and was probably even blown sideways by Tom Cruise’s size 6 [in women’s] footsteps, but TMZ is running it anyway.

The site reports that Kidman was knocked off her feet by a paparazzi on a bicycle during New York fashion week. Cops were completely unsympathetic, saying “An accident’s an accident.”

Also, when they asked the offending photographer for his papers, he pointed at her. Because she’s WHITE, WHITE, WHITE LIKE THE LIGHT. (Electric Six song, Google it.)