Kendall Jenner Either Has Very Bad Eyes or Very Bad Reading Abilities

Kendall Jenner can't read After stumbling over the “direction” in “One Direction” at the Billboard Music Awards, even Kendall Jenner can’t decide if she has bad eyes or is simply terrible at reading. During the flub, she said “Guys, I’m the worst reader,” but then after the show she wrote on Twitter that she left her contacts at home and could see about as well as one of Kim Kardashian’s tapeworms.

This is what happens when the only person you grow up with who can read is an Olympian transvestite with too much eyelid surgery and arthritis from throwing javelins to actually open a book.

She is however, a model, and therefore probably speaks just enough broken English, French and Italian to order half a grapefruit and a cup of coffee in each country.

Double Balenciaga with a side of McQueen and extra Vuitton please…  Continue reading “Kendall Jenner Either Has Very Bad Eyes or Very Bad Reading Abilities”

This is the Face Taylor Swift Makes When Selena Gomez Acts a Fool

2013 Billboard Music Awards - Press RoomTaylor swift surprise Billboard awards
I’m just kidding. Those are just the faces she makes when she wins a bunch of awards.

One second of backstory: Swifty sat with Selena Gomez during the 2013 Billboard Awards last night. After the show, she witnessed her friend (Selena) planting a kiss on Justin Bieber.

You see where I’m going with this? Crazy USC Trojan style marching band drumroll please…
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There you have it. The actual face she makes when her friends make bad decisions. Ew. Cooties.

Miguel Fell on a Girl at the Billboard Music Awards [GIF & VIDEO]

Miguel fell off stageHave you heard of this kid, Miguel? I guess I shouldn’t call him a kid because we’re the same age. He won a Grammy for the song “Adorn.” He makes “intellectual” R&B (cringe) like Frank Ocean.

If we’re going screechy, I’d rather listen to MJ, Prince, Cee Lo or Bruno Mars. Snobbery aside, Miguel fell on a girl or two at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas on Sunday.

I can only assume he didn’t intend to scissor-kick/nutcrack some poor woman’s head, but is it impressive or douchey that he didn’t stop singing after he gifted her with a potential vicodin addiction for neck cramps?

Miguel actually has a history of falling off the stage. (Previous locations include London and New Jersey.)
Miguel falls off stage
The second best part of the Billboard Music Awards (which I didn’t watch because of GoT) was probably when Kid Rock verbally bitchslapped all the lip-syncing pop stars.  Click for other Billboard news…

New Scientific Discovery: Chris Brown Lip-Syncs (How Astonished And Heartbroken Are You?)

Pink wrote on her Twitter while watching Chris Brown at the Billboard Music Awards on Sunday, “One day if I lipsync i hope i do it as well as him…” Then, “i stand behind, always have and always will, LIVE SINGING.”

While her opinion might mean just a tiny bit more if she used capitalization, she brings up a valid point. But why are people getting fired up about this just now, when he’s been doing it his entire career?

For the Grammys earlier this year I’d written that he is a “non-singing dancing dummy-on-shitty-Michael-Jackson-strings,” and that will always be true.  Continue reading “New Scientific Discovery: Chris Brown Lip-Syncs (How Astonished And Heartbroken Are You?)”

Miley Cyrus Thinks She’s Samantha Jones

Miley Cyrus showed up at the Billboard Music Awards Sunday night in a white blazer and no pants or shirt underneath.

It was very Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall’s leg-spreading PR maven, on Sex And The City) circa 1999.

Post-sex with a businessman, pre ready-to-venture-outside.

Miley Ray Billy Jr. is actually nominated for “Iconic Fashion Star” at the upcoming Teen Choice Awards…

But, iconic for what? That would insinuate that she is the epitome of fashion, and while everyone wears clothes, we are not all fit for that title. Samantha and I give this outfit a 69, out of 3000.