Get Ready for a Female Thor and a Black Captain America

female thor black captain americaEvery year at Comic-Con we see bundles of gender and race-flipped superheroes, and now, to delight of cosplayers everywhere, female Thor and black Captain America are a reality in the Marvel universe.

Steve Rogers is passing his shield to Sam Wilson a.k.a Falcon (played by Anthony Mackie in The Winter Soldier) and Thor’s hammer is being picked up by a woman.

Introduced in 1969, Falcon was the second mainstream black superhero ever after Black Panther in 1966, and the first to hail from the U.S. As for Thor, we’ll have to wait until October to find out about the mysterious woman who takes the place of the original and what he did to no longer be worthy of the title.  Continue reading “Get Ready for a Female Thor and a Black Captain America”

Little Justin Bieber LOVED Using the N-Word

racist justin bieber video stillWe the blissfully ignorant public have recently learned that between at least the ages of 14 and 15, Justin Bieber had a VERY strong affinity for the n-word…

In two separate videos obtained by TMZ and The Sun, we see a young chuckling Biebs telling a black joke involving a chainsaw and singing the popular church hymn “One Less Lonely N*gger.”

Literally, if I could dip into Justin Bieber’s swear jar I COULD AFFORD TO HIRE AN ASSASSIN TO KILL JUSTIN BIEBER and still be richer than my friends.  Continue reading “Little Justin Bieber LOVED Using the N-Word”

Clippers Owner is in a Mess of Trouble After Making Racist Comments to Black Mistress

Donald Sterling mistressMarried rich geezer Donald Sterling is having quite the identity crisis this week. Sterling is under investigation by the NBA after being caught on tape telling his girlfriend that he’s tired of her promoting her friendships with black people.

It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you’re associating with black people,” he says on the recording. “Do you have to?” 

Not only are 12 of Sterling’s 14 L.A. Clippers African-American (and the coach), but his mistress, 38-year-old Maria Vanessa Perez, known to the press simply as V. Stiviano, is half Latina and half black.

The entire league, both active and retired are urging folks to boycott the team, and the Clippers players themselves protested by wearing their warm-up uniforms inside out so the logo wasn’t visible.

Sterling’s biggest mistake was perhaps including beloved icon Magic Johnson in his rant, expressing concern over Stiviano bringing him to Staples Center.  Continue reading “Clippers Owner is in a Mess of Trouble After Making Racist Comments to Black Mistress”

Gay Dads Kordale and Kaleb are too Fabulous For This World

black gay dads instagramSuper handsome African-American dads Kordale and Kaleb weren’t very surprised when people threw racist and homophobic shade at them for posting a photo of their morning routine with two of their three daughters on Instagram.

While the couple acknowledged in a statement to the Huffington Post that what they do in the comfort of their home is “no one’s business,” they also recognized that they knew the photo might get attention and they couldn’t go off the rails just because a bunch of assholes disagree with their lifestyle.

The only thing that surprises me is that common situations like this continue to shock others and are still considered “different,” even in the eyes of total jerk bigots with way too much time on their hands.

Continue reading “Gay Dads Kordale and Kaleb are too Fabulous For This World”

SNL Hires First Black Lady Cast Member Since Maya Rudolph

Sasheer ZamataSaturday Night Live finally filled the crazy void left by Maya Rudolph, who joined the cast all the way back in 2000 and left seven years later.

Lorne Michaels and Co. have officially hired their first African-American cast member since Rudolph.

Her name is Sasheer Zamata, a UVA grad who performed with the Upright Citizens Brigade and appeared on Inside Amy Schumer.

Before Rudolph, there were a staggering TWO other black women featured regularly on the show – Danitra Vance in 1985 and Ellen Cleghorne in 1991.

Surprising, since the show has featured a fair amount of notable black penis-having comedians like Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan and Eddie Murphy.

Judging by the below YouTube video tweeted by Lena Dunham (who called it “crazy funny”), I think this Sasheer lady is going to kill it. Continue reading “SNL Hires First Black Lady Cast Member Since Maya Rudolph”

Shenae Grimes Walked the Aisle in a Black Wedding Dress

Shenae Grimes wedding dressYou may know Shenae Grimes as Annie Wilson on that blasphemous remake of Beverly Hills 90210, but before The CW spoiled her with L.A. sunbeams and endless Frappés, she played virginal spirit squad member Darcy Edwards on Degrassi.

(Me and an army of Canadian Mounties refuse to accredit 90210 for anything.)

Anyway, Darcy/Shenae/not-Annie laughed in the face of tradition when she wore a black Vera Wang dress at her May 10 hipster wedding (Keira Knightley, eat your heart out) to British model and musician Josh Beech at a HAUNTED hall in Ashford, England.

That girl would never have paid homage to the harlot witches of Salem if she hadn’t been corrupted by American television. I’m a second away from picking up my rotary phone and telling my nosy neighbors what happens when you play the Josh Beech record backwards.  Continue reading “Shenae Grimes Walked the Aisle in a Black Wedding Dress”

Michael B. Jordan Up For Human Torch Role in ‘Fantastic Four’ Reboot

Michael Jordan human torch According to sources, Friday Night Lights star Michael B. Jordan is in talks to play the Human Torch in a Fantastic Four remake.

The movie, not due in theaters until 2015, already has a director in Josh Trank, who worked with Jordan on Chronicle.

Johnny Storm (Torch) is white in the ongoing Marvel series and was played by Chris Evans in the 2005 and 2007 films.

Allison Williams of Girls is said to be in contention to play his sister, Susan.

I’m just going to go ahead and say that I usually don’t like when movies pull a race switcheroo. If the character is white in the source material, why make him black? Just because you can?  Continue reading “Michael B. Jordan Up For Human Torch Role in ‘Fantastic Four’ Reboot”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-14-12]

Nintendo’s Wii U titles will cost the same as Xbox and PS – $59.99. (Kotaku)

Britney Spears not allowed near alcohol or hot ladies? (Evil Beet)

Woman finds ex, who she broke up with 12 years prior, in her attic. (Jezebel)

Zachary Quinto talks coming out, to Out Magazine. (ohmyGAHH!)

Smart guy Mitt Romney thinks middle class Americans make $250,000 a year. (Gawker)

Adele is sort of a bond girl, sings Skyfall theme. (Collider)

Nighttime informercial queen Sally Struthers arrested for DUI in Maine. (People)

McKayla Maroney injured her leg during Kellog’s Tour of Champions. (Examiner)

New characters on Glee are actually just recycled versions of Rachel, Puck, and Quinn. (Celebuzz)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-5-12]

Shitty Oregon high school has first all-black football field. (Yahoo!)

Tan mom falls down, flashes white underwear. (Celebrity Fix)

Here’s a doll that farts, in case you were looking for that. (Grouchy Muffin)

Guns N’ Roses auction off Kenmore dryer. Bids start at $99 dollars. (Spin)

Adorable family portrait of Barack and daughters watching Michelle’s DNC speech. (Gawker)

15 best cities for hiking. (National Geographic)

iPhone 5 rumors, news, and generally nerdy information for nerds. (Examiner)

Men in Orc costumes singing “Billie Jean” and Greg Kihn’s “Jeopardy.” (io9)

Wet Seal vice president sued for wanting blue-eyed store managers. (Jezebel)

Gaga Becomes Lady Gulliver In New Perfume Ad

Lady Gaga tweeted a link to the above advertisement for her perfume, “Fame,” on her new Social Networking site LittleMonsters.com on Monday.

See how she kills two black ostriches with one stone? Promoting her Bowie-esque perfume AND her website at the same time? Smart woman.  Continue reading “Gaga Becomes Lady Gulliver In New Perfume Ad”

‘Obama Isn’t Black’ Love, Morgan Freeman

Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman told NPR that “America’s first Black president hasn’t arisen yet. ” Yes, arisen, like Blacula. He went on to explain that Obama is “America’s first mixed-race president.”

“First thing that pops into my head regarding our president is that all of the people who are setting up this barrier…they just conveniently forget that Barack had a mama, and she was white.”

I think Freeman was actually trying to say that we (whities especially) should keep in mind that our president is even more relatable to the country than a fully African-descended or Caucasian man, and that we shouldn’t constantly refer to him as “black.”  Continue reading “‘Obama Isn’t Black’ Love, Morgan Freeman”

First Look At Lady Gaga’s Perfume

Lady Gaga was forced to release images of her perfume due to Flare editor Lisa Tant leaking information and a photo of it.

Gaga Tweeted “Looks like photos of my perfume are being leaked. Oh you fashion editors I could just crinkle my hands at you!”

It is the first black perfume ever (there have been others in cologne and toilette forms) and smells like “tears of belladonna, crushed heart of tiger orchidea with a black veil of incense, pulverized apricot and the combinative essences of saffron and honey drops.”

Continue reading “First Look At Lady Gaga’s Perfume”

The Many Wigs Of Kim Kardashian

In episode three of Keeping Up with The Kardashians season seven titled “Everybody’s Wigging Out,” Kim predictable and calmly loses her mind [for television] because of post-traumatic divorce stress.

Khloe tells her over the phone to not dwell on it and to have fun, saying “You gotta just do some silly and outrageous, like, kooky things that will take your mind off of this kind of stuff.”  Continue reading “The Many Wigs Of Kim Kardashian”

Miley Cyrus Is Still Bananas, Plus Other Phallus-Related Things!

Miley Cyrus celebrated her Thor-brother boyfriend’s b-day by jumping on top of a table at Club Icon in Los Angeles and licking an ebony penis cake.

Here’s how the event went. Miley: Hey ya’ll, everyone sing to Liam, he’s 22 today! Liam: Thanks babe, you’re the best, but what’s with this cake?” Miley: You don’t like it?

Liam: It’s great, why don’t you JUMP ON THE TABLE AND PRETEND TO GIVE THE CAKE A BLOWJOB! Miley: SURE! Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Is Still Bananas, Plus Other Phallus-Related Things!”

White Hockey Player Raffi Torres Dresses As Jay-Z

Over the years we’ve seen many a white man covered in “blackface” makeup for various forms of imitation. Unfunny Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder, Fred Armisen as Obama or even the reversal black-to-white transformation, made by Marlon and Shawn Wayans in White Chicks.

People still seem to get outraged every time, even when it’s a non-scandalous homage. Like Phoenix Coyotes left wing Raffi Torres, a player known for his spunk and defensive offense, dressing up like Jay-Z for Halloween.

His wife Gianna went as Beyonce, with a baby bump and everythang. People are stark-raving mad, but it isn’t a big deal. The guy is an admitted and devoted fan.

Continue reading “White Hockey Player Raffi Torres Dresses As Jay-Z”

Sinead O’Connor Looks Like Harry Potter’s Fat Cousin

Sinead O’Connor, is a respected artist right? Her cover of Prince’s “Nothing Compares 2 U” was the wispy, teary-eyed anthem of 1990 and beyond. It was also a number one on the US Hot 100 Chart, and Connor herself gained notoriety in 1992 by tearing and burning a picture of the pope during a performance of her song “War,” on Saturday Night Live. She was also the hip, sensitive, bald activist/extremist 90’s singer version of Natalie Portman.

So explain this new look to me, which the Irish singer debuted while she was singing backup for former Bob Marley keyboardist Natty Wailer and Celtic folk singer Damien Dempsey at Bray Summerfest 2011.

The festival takes place south of Dublin, Ireland, and Connor took the stage to support Dempsey and Wailer on August 7th, where she showed of her business lady jacket, mullet-bowl haircut, glasses, multiple-chin, giant hip-hop cross, sheer belly-net and black camel-ball pants.

She’s 44, but really really looks like a rebellious little boy chanting scripture from the Torah at his Bar Mitzvah, attempting to piss off his parents with leftover prop jewelry from a Madonna video.

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days
since you took your wand away
I go out every night drinking butterbeer all day
since you took your wand away
since you’ve been gone I hear Moaning Myrtle’s haunts
I can see Snape if I choose
I can eat dinner at Hogsmead restaurants
but nothing can take away this news
cause nothing compares to
nothing compares to you (Hermione)

[Sung by Irish sensation Harry Potter Connor Jr.]