Here’s what Jon Hamm, Justin Bieber and Blake Lively look like as Average Americans

Blake lively planet hiltronJustin Bieber planet hiltronJon Hamm planet hiltron
Danny Evans – creator of Planet Hiltron, a site that shares photos of photoshopped celebrities looking like average to below average housewifes and blue collar husbands in small town America (basically, people who don’t know that feathered hair isn’t in style anymore) – is back, with renditions of Jon Hamm, Blake Lively and Justin Bieber + Selena Gomez.

Cameron Diaz and Lana Del Rey were also included in the exclusive collection. Would these not make amazing trading cards? The dumpier the celeb, the higher the value…

 

Amber Tamblyn And David Cross’ Wedding Photos Will Make You Believe In Love Again

There have been so many tragic divorces in 2011 and 2012, ones that made me even more skeptical of marriage. Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard, Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett, and most recently, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman.

Amber Tamblyn (who wore a yellow dress and arrived to the ceremony on a canoe) and David Cross’ barefoot wedding in the woods might restore at least a fraction of your faith.

DJ Questlove of The Roots tweeted out a collection of lovely candid photos of the cake, playlist and celebrity guests which included Alexis Bledel, Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, America Ferrera, Amy Poehler, and Jason Ritter. Yo La Tengo performed.

Check out the photos and plan your wedding accordingly…  Continue reading “Amber Tamblyn And David Cross’ Wedding Photos Will Make You Believe In Love Again”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-13-12]

Blake Lively says she’d love to have “30 children.” (Hollywood Reporter)

Bikini photo of… Jessica Simpson‘s baby??? (Evil Beet)

Chad Johnson charged with misdemeanor battery. (Celebuzz)

Everyone’s talking about the iPhone 5, but what about the new iPod Touch? (Mashable)

New Rihanna album coming in November 2012? (ohmyGAHH!)

Minnesota woman charged $222,000 for downloading 24 songs. (Rolling Stone)

Ryan Lochte SHOULD NEVER pursue a modeling career. (ONTD!)

Pattie Malette, mom of Justin, almost named her son Jesse Bieber. (MSN)

X Factor ratings down 32% despite Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. (Reuters)

 

Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Are Married

You can add Blake Lively to the list of naked women on the internet who have called or do call themselves Ryan Reynolds’ wife. They got married on an old haunted plantation in South Carolina Sunday night.

Scenes from The Notebook were filmed at the location, 320-year-old Boone Hall Plantation And Gardens. Celebuzz has photos of the local hotspot.

Reynolds’ wedding to Lively has thrown everybody off, possibly more so than the engagement to Alanis Morissette in 2004 and marriage to Scarlett Johansson in 2008 (divorced in 2010). And why would high-profile celebrities want to walk down the aisle in South Carolina? Simple – there’s no one there. No one but slave ghosts. Continue reading “Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Are Married”

Blake Lively Shows Her True Colors….

Blake Lively showed up to the NYC premiere of Savages and showed her true colors.

Well actually she just let her roots grow out pretty rough. Why is it that all blondes in Hollywood have natural black hair? I know what you’re thinking – a whole post on that gossip girl’s ugly roots? Well ya sorry, I write when I’m disgusted and frankly rich bitches that are lazy disgust me.

You are rich and famous, you don’t even have to buy a bottle of peroxide and do it yourself while holding your breath. What’s your problem? But I realize Blake doesn’t have time to do her roots, she’s too busy playing boomerang vagina with Hollywood. They bang her and throw her out and she always comes back. There is something to be said about a famous chick who’d let her looks go for dick. I’m not sure if I should respect that or not……  Continue reading “Blake Lively Shows Her True Colors….”

Pictures Of The Month (Fourteenth Edition)

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 Every once and awhile I get a wild hair up my ass to post pictures of the month (formerly known as “Pictures Of The Week,” in its less lazy form) and this is one of those times…  Continue reading “Pictures Of The Month (Fourteenth Edition)”

Tiny Gossip Girl Stars (And One Doughy Kid)

The website famous for posting awkward teenage and grade school pictures of celebrities, Snakkle.com, has a new gallery for you to feast your eyes upon.

This time it’s the stars of Gossip Girl filling your eyes with joy as you are reminded that they were once natural-faced and in possession of crooked teeth, acne and as you can see with 7th grade Penn Badgley, baby fat.

Continue reading “Tiny Gossip Girl Stars (And One Doughy Kid)”

Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Really Are Mating?

Awhile back I posted a thing about these two dating, but I didn’t really know for sure that it was true, I mean no one did. Now they’ve been seen cavorting on vacation, at a bed and breakfast in Utah, of all places.

This is a warning to all celebrities, you can’t go anywhere without getting your picture taken, the Dakotas, Indiana, Utah, whatever. Privacy is void. This is a rebound romance if I ever saw one, he’s still not over Scarlett Johansson (Blake Lively is the closest he could find) and she’s not over Leonardo DiCaprio?

Continue reading “Blake Lively And Ryan Reynolds Really Are Mating?”

Blake Lively And ScarJo Have A Lot In Common

And what do they have in common besides both being blonde and having nude leaked cell phone photos plus the same plump droopy white lady asses? Welllll Ryan Reynolds, that’s what!

Yesterday morning Scarlett Johansson, 24, was seen sneaking out of Reynolds’ apartment in Boston with Ryan and his canine friend in tow. They were romantically linked in 2010 during the filming of Green Lantern but this picture of them together seems like legit proof.

Unlike the gossip community’s tendency to link every hot-blooded actor and actresses who set foot in the same room, this is fairly sturdy evidence! Fingerprint-dusting, DNA, hair follicle type proof.

Continue reading “Blake Lively And ScarJo Have A Lot In Common”

Blake Lively Nudes (In Case You Missed Them)

As you know, Scarlett Johansson‘s nude cell phone pics were recently released, and she’s now on a pointless quest to have them ALL removed from the internet, with a little help from the FBI.

We still all saw her naked, so I’m not sure how taking them off of a few high-profile websites will reduce their notoriety.

In light of that, I wanted to remind you all that Blake Lively ALSO had nudes stolen from her phone by a mischievious hacker that traipsed onto the web in March.

They are actually very similar to Scarlett’s. Same poofy crumpet nipples, and 3D-television booty. Click “continue” to view the Gossip Girl/The Town star’s NSFW/uncensored pictures…

Continue reading “Blake Lively Nudes (In Case You Missed Them)”