Miley Cyrus is Blonde and Nearly Eyebrowless for W

Miley W eyebrowsMiley Cyrus fulfills the wishes of those of us who were sitting around wondering what she looks like with super Swedish blonde hair and eyebrows with her new W Magazine spread.

The Girl With The Really Bad Tattoos tells Ronan Farrow (son of Mia) that “guys try too hard” with her, explaining that she doesn’t need to go to fancy restaurants or vacations.

I mean, really, why go to Nobu or The Ivy when you could twerk on dwarves and balance malt liquor bottles on your ass in the Dollar Tree parking lot?

Here are just a few of the interview highlights and photos that made me throw up in my mouth a little…

On being an unconventional sex symbol: “I like that I’m associated with sexuality and the kind of punk-rock shit where we just don’t care. Like Madonna or Blondie or Joan Jett – Jett’s the one that I still get a little shaky around. She did what I did in such a crazier way. I mean, girls then weren’t supposed to wear leather pants and, like, fucking rock out. And she did.”  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus is Blonde and Nearly Eyebrowless for W”

Kim Kardashian Gets Hair To Match Brains

Kim Kardashian blond hair Who do you think of, when you think of the quintessential blonde? Paris Hilton, Elle Woods, Heidi Montag, Marilyn Monroe, Courtney Stodden, Anna Nicole…?

I know I just pissed a bunch of people off by putting Marilyn in with those clowns, but really, who deserves a spot on the list more than the utterly brainless reality show royalty known as Kim Kardashian?

Fortunately or not, Kim, the self-proclaimed “hardest working woman in America,” is now a blonde and has earned more than just a position under Kanye. She’s also a mom now, so here’s my favorite related joke…

A brunette mom, a redhead mom and a blonde mom are sitting around…

The brunette mom says, “I found cigarettes in my daughter’s room, oh my God, I can’t believe she smokes!” Then the redhead mom says, “I found a bottle of vodka in my daughter’s room and I just had no idea she drank!” The blonde mom laughs and says, “I found condoms in my daughter’s room, I can’t believe she has a penis!!!”

The Dark-Haired Guy From One Direction Cheated On The Blonde Girl From Little Mix

Zayn Malik Perrie EdwardsMy knowledge of British boy and girl bands doesn’t stretch beyond the Girls Aloud documentary and early fondness for BBMak and the Spice Girls, but since we’re all fascinated by celebrity misfortune, I’ll tell you about the latest cheating scandal involving perfectly groomed children of the UK.

One Direction’s Zayn Malik (“dark-haired guy” because his is the darkest of the four brunette members) has been dating Perrie Edwards (usually blonde, currently purple?) of the four-piece girl group Little Mix for about a year.

They were both on The X Factor in different seasons (7 and 8) and fans refer to them as “Zerrie” and think they’re the cutest couple in all of Disneyland or The Matrix or whatever.  Continue reading “The Dark-Haired Guy From One Direction Cheated On The Blonde Girl From Little Mix”

V Magazine’s Nicole Kidman Looks Nothing Like Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman appears on V Magazine’s September travel issue promoting her new movie. A blonde, extra cougar-y Kidman tells V, “I don’t really make decisions, I go with the flow.”

Interesting quote, from the woman who pees on Zac Efron after he gets stung by a jellyfish in The Paperboy. She explains:

“For me, it said so much about Charlotte. One, she’s protecting him. Two, she’s tough as nails and no one else is going to pee on this guy. All of that made total sense to me.”

She also defends director Lars Von Trier’s famous nazi comments at Cannes. “I like Lars. I think he has made some terrible, terrible statements and mistakes, but I don’t think he really meant what he said. If he did, then I would not be friends with him. You know, he does strange stuff.”  Continue reading “V Magazine’s Nicole Kidman Looks Nothing Like Nicole Kidman”

Breast-Baring Australian Robber The ‘Buxom Bandit’ Flubs Gas Station Burglary

An unidentified blonde woman in her 20’s messed up a robbery on Monday when she entered a Queensland Gold Coast service station and failed to cover her face. She also wore a single glove, like Michael Jackson with boobs! Eee heee.

The most noticeable thing about the security footage was her chest so maybe the ‘Buxom Bandit” as she’s being called, is in the clear after all.

But why bring a knife when you’ve got pre-baby Jessica Simpson artillery to use as a distraction?

Her male accomplice was outside filling up on gas as she ‘terrorized’ the clerk with threats and made off with under $200 dollars from the cash register. Continue reading “Breast-Baring Australian Robber The ‘Buxom Bandit’ Flubs Gas Station Burglary”

Blake Lively Shows Her True Colors….

Blake Lively showed up to the NYC premiere of Savages and showed her true colors.

Well actually she just let her roots grow out pretty rough. Why is it that all blondes in Hollywood have natural black hair? I know what you’re thinking – a whole post on that gossip girl’s ugly roots? Well ya sorry, I write when I’m disgusted and frankly rich bitches that are lazy disgust me.

You are rich and famous, you don’t even have to buy a bottle of peroxide and do it yourself while holding your breath. What’s your problem? But I realize Blake doesn’t have time to do her roots, she’s too busy playing boomerang vagina with Hollywood. They bang her and throw her out and she always comes back. There is something to be said about a famous chick who’d let her looks go for dick. I’m not sure if I should respect that or not……  Continue reading “Blake Lively Shows Her True Colors….”

The Many Wigs Of Kim Kardashian

In episode three of Keeping Up with The Kardashians season seven titled “Everybody’s Wigging Out,” Kim predictable and calmly loses her mind [for television] because of post-traumatic divorce stress.

Khloe tells her over the phone to not dwell on it and to have fun, saying “You gotta just do some silly and outrageous, like, kooky things that will take your mind off of this kind of stuff.”  Continue reading “The Many Wigs Of Kim Kardashian”

Rihanna Is Wigwam BarbadoMonroe, For British Vogue

Who could be better to follow Adele’s October issue of British Vogue than Rihanna?

Not many, honestly – she is after all one of the top 20 current musical entertainers alongside Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears.

For the November issue of Vogue UK Rihanna goes blonde in photos taken by Alaisdair McLellan. (It’s a wig, I presume?)

Anyway, it’s not the most high-fashion thing you can imagine, but hey, it’s Rihanna.

She’s more famous for all her thigh-knocking, juicy juicy bleep bleep (a category I created with Rihanna in mind) umbrella-grasping goodness, eh…

Continue reading “Rihanna Is Wigwam BarbadoMonroe, For British Vogue”

Rihanna’s Naked Armani Bowl Haircut

Back in July it was announced that Rihanna would be the new face/body of Emporio Armani’s underwear line.

Now black and white photos have surfaced showing the Barbados pop star sporting a blonde bowl haircut/wig, and some very serious to sad facial expressions for the campaign…

Continue reading “Rihanna’s Naked Armani Bowl Haircut”

Gavin DeGraw Could NEVER Date This Girl

So I’m sitting on my couch watching Jump Start on VH1 at 3:30 a.m. and some new Gavin DeGraw video pops up, first off, I didn’t know he was even still alive let alone releasing new music? I remember hearing his song “I Don’t Want To Be” and “Chariot” over and over and over in 2005, so naturally I was rather happy when his bizarre fedora-obsessed ass disappeared off the face of the earth. (He’s like Train, but worse)

Continue reading “Gavin DeGraw Could NEVER Date This Girl”

Is That You, Nicole Kidman??

Nicole Kidman went CRAZY Baywatch blonde for her upcoming role in The Paperboy, costarring Zac Efron, John Cusack and Matthew Mcconaughey. I wonder how long Nicole will keep that huge mop of yellow hair? Yikes. Maybe it’s a wig? I’m no expert. Somebody investigate this for me? Very Stepford Wife-y.

Oh here’s a synopsis of The Paperboy, from Publisher’s Weekly, in case you were wondering.

“Narrator Jack James is the son of the Moat County Tribune’s editor and publisher. While Jack’s older brother, Ward, reports for the Miami Times, Jack has settled for a job delivering papers for the Tribune. But when Ward and his partner, evil dandy Yardley Acheman, come to Moat County to investigate the four-year-old murder of the local sheriff, Jack assists them in the inquiry.”

Wait, what? I fell asleep reading that summary.