One Direction Ruin Blondie and The Undertones in One Fell Swoop

Harry Styles one way or anotherArizona is frozen, Australia is burning, it’s raining spiders in Brazil, there’s snow on the beaches of Croatia, a 10,000 ton meteor hit Russia and One Direction did a mash-up of “One Way Or Another” and “Teenage Kicks.”

Taylor Swift’s babyfaced ex singing not one but two iconic new wave songs written about 20 years before he was born has to be the most frightening sign of the coming apocalypse. (Though maybe he relates to that whole being stalked theme?)

I remember Glee and Angelica from The Rugrats ruining “One Way Or Another” on separate occasions. And dwarfy Billie Joe Armstrong didn’t have to squat too low for The Undertones’ classic… But this is a goddamn musical snuff double feature! Continue reading “One Direction Ruin Blondie and The Undertones in One Fell Swoop”

10 Bands That Suck Live

1. Fall Out Boy. ANY performance on Youtube of these now-defunct emo-pop rockers will prove to you that Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz should be called fall-apart-live-boy. It’s an open-ended nightmare of out-of-breath singing accompanied by mediocre guitar playing, out of sync bass and incomprehensibly bad drumming. I’ve literally seen little girls beating on buckets with spoons that sound better.

2. The Black Eyed Peas. Besides the fact that none of the four members do anything on stage except jump into the air and slap their hands together like those cymbal-banging monkey toys, Fergie’s range is horribly halted. Just check out their Superbowl performance. It’s a tragedy.

3. Ke$ha. It was proven to me finally on SNL that Ke$ha is mind-blowingly embaressing on stage. She lacks all of the charisma you experience when listening to her on CD, the robotic voice, the energy, it’s all gone in concert. All you’re left with is a blonde lion standing on stage in a spandex bodysuit that glows in the dark. Throw in some strobe lights for bad measure. It’s still not worth $60 dollars.

4. Blondie. The fact that some of the most memorable, most sampled songs belong to this iconic 80’s band doesn’t negate the fact that Deborah Harry cannot sing live, or that the band sounds looser than Octomom’s vagina. The songs “Call Me,” “One Way Or Another” and “Heart Of Glass” all play out like some above average cover band that you could see for free in a summer concert series in your local park (This is what happens when you sleep with your entire band, Debbie, no one can focus).

5. No Doubt. I love No Doubt and Gwen Stefani as much as the next person. The band is talented and so is Gwen but her live singing is really bubbly and awkward at times. She changes the whole original flow of the songs by “rapping” certain parts. In the end No Doubt disappoints in concert because you just expect so much more. Gwen needs to stop doing push-ups and focus on vocalizing.

Continue reading “10 Bands That Suck Live”