Boat Full of Diseased Rats Headed for the UK

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News of an abandoned cruise ship full of nothing but infected rats hit the web today.

After letting Bieber out of its sight, Canada is at strike two for doing nothing about the ghost ship full of hundreds of rats, who have “been eating each other to survive,” according to The Independent.

The diseased cannibal rats are currently sitting on a boat that was originally built in Yugoslavia in the mid-’70s for sightseeing cruises to remote, icy locations is now headed straight for the UK, you know, because Canadians are secretly cruel and want to remind England of all the sickly grey bodies that piled high in the streets during the rodent-spread plague of the 14th century.  Continue reading “Boat Full of Diseased Rats Headed for the UK”

Rihanna Plays Grab-Ass on a Boat, Bitch

Rihanna grabbing girl's buttSuperstar contrasting wearer of fluorescent Supra Skytops, trucker hats and Armani Rihanna took a break from rolling spliffs and dollar bills to spend time with supermodel flavor of the year, Cara Delevingne on a giant boat.

Delevingne has literally been seen with every British person ever (plus Rihanna). Harry Styles, Rita Ora, Kate Moss… whoever.

I’m convinced it’s because, like most models, Cara is offbeat looking. She’s slightly crosseyed and professionally scrawny, but she cleans up well. This is perfectly non-threatening for high-profile lady-friend-divas with inflated egos.

She deserves at least one pat on the butt and two tequila shots for banging greasy musician types (like Pete Doherty) instead of RiRi’s potential lovers. —–> MORE PHOTOS HERE. <—–

Strawberry-Faced Blonde Erin Brockovich Wasn’t Drunk, She Was Hungry

Erin Brockovich mugshotPGE nemesis, consulting firm prez and Julia Roberts movie-inspirerer Erin Brockovich was arrested this past weekend for drunk driving her boat around Lake Mead in Las Vegas after Park & Wildlife officials noticed she was “struggling to dock her boat” a.k.a. ramming it repeatedly into the dock.

TMZ released Brockovich’s corresponding mug shot plus a statement where she explained that the sun and food deprivation were partially responsible for her OUI (operating under the influence) charge.

“I apologize for my actions Friday evening. After a day in the sun and with nothing to eat it appears that a couple of drinks had a greater impact than I had realized,” she said. “I take drunk driving very seriously, this was clearly a big mistake, I know better and I am very sorry.”

A couple of drinks?? She looks like she asphyxiated herself with zip ties and fell into a blender.
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Funny Video: Lake Of The Ozarks Dubstep Boat Crash

Seven boaters in Missouri were knocked from side to side after going over a large wave in the Lake of the Ozarks, and the footage of the notably party-loving crew being battered by stupidity is amazing.

There’s an original video of Lake TV News covering the incident, but the “Fountain Crash Dubstepified” version using Skrillex’s “Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites” is much better.

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-19-12]

Boaters have close encounter with massive humpback whale. (Grind TV)

David Beckham immortalized forever as underwear-wearing statue. (Huffington Post)

Billionth car crash has me wondering why Amanda Bynes’ license is not revoked. (L.A. Times)

Zelda history book “Hyrule Historia” comes to U.S. January 2013. (GenGame)

Twilight convention cancellation likely due to K-Stew cheating scandal. Fans cry rivers. (Examiner)

Chris Brown was the love of Rihanna’s life. (Entertainment Weekly)

Mother of Honey Boo Boo Child arrested back in 2008. Please look at her mugshot. (Daily Mail)

Jason Alexander has NOTHING going on. Unless you count this Nickelback video. (Evil Beet)

Missouri politician Todd Akin says women can’t get pregnant from rape. (Gawker)