Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…

Jlo Iggy azalea bootyThe oldest butt and the newest joined forces for a song called, get ready for it, “Booty.” A middle-eastern tune best served after repeated viewings of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the “Dance (Ass)” remix and Kim Kardashian’s entire Instagram.

Seriously, how many simple-minded men have to die of heart problems all so Jennifer Lopez can feel superior to Kim and Nicki?

You know she came up with this concept after turning around in the mirror asking Evil Queen-style who has the roundest derriere of all?  Continue reading “Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…”

I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…

Nicki minaj pink outfit anaconda
On behalf of everyone, I would like to proclaim that I watched all of Nicki Minaj‘s new music video, which is “Baby Got Back” with a different title and a verse about a dude named Michael with a “dick bigger than a tower” who tossed her salad “like his name Romaine.” 
nicki minaj anaconda gif
Michael and this other guy Troy love that she’s down to bang in a car and that she eats breakfast lunch and dinner because, as you can tell from the salad references and slow-motion banana peeling, she’s very health conscious.

As with all things Nicki Minaj, it all boils down to the ass, and this is definitely the most assalicious song of Nicki’s. (“Dance A$$” doesn’t count if we’re being technical.)The video is just an excuse for Nicki and other self-proclaimed big bootied hoes to twerk.

All twerk and no play / twerking hard or hardly twerking?

Continue reading “I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…”

Underage Justin Bieber Grabs a Beer and a Handful of Texan Stripper Booty

justin bieber shirtless strip clubSome girls break free of their clean-cut image by wearing more revealing clothing and making risky non nun-approved career moves, but Justin Bieber isn’t like the other girls.

He breaks free by being completely topless in public, drinking Dos Equis and molesting exotic dancer sirloin.

Would he get girls (or boys) if he wasn’t famous? Yes, but not nearly as many.

Instead of being at some ultra-packed strip club in Texas, he’d be at the dive on the corner throwing quarters into the cheese-filled ass dimples of girls with nicknames like Buckwheat and Tiny.

I’m about to turn my own life around and open a really popular club in L.A. with a strict “no shirt, no service” policy for the sole satisfaction of rejecting Justin the second him and his goofball entourage catch wind of it just to prove that rules do in fact apply to them.

Read: Unbeliebable: 33-year-old Bieber fan has $100k of plastic surgery to look like his idol

Miley Shows Liam Hemsworth She’s Ready For Anal Penetration

Miley Cyrus ass in the air
Miley Cyrus has been promoting her new coke and MDMA-fueled single “We Can’t Stop” by spamming the crap out of her Twitter followers. In one of her more recent reminders, she wrote “editing #wecantstop” along with this wonderful picture of her in the traditional “downward dog wants anal” pose.

This was either a hello to Liam Hemsworth or an “I’ve got a love and I know that it’s all mine” message to Amanda Bynes, who totally thinks Liam is the most gorgeous white vagina-murderer in the land.

8====D Bonus Miley Cyrus arse pic here if that’s really something you’re not sick of yet <—–

Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?

Jeremy Shockey Daniela CortazarFormer Giants and Saints Super Bowl champion Jeremy Shockey’s soon-to-be ex-wife Daniela Cortazar is asking for $15,000 because of an Instagram photo of her bare bottom that supposedly violates a privacy provision in the prenup.

These two lovebirds spent a handful of last year’s months batting their eyelashes at each other and Tweeting photos from the bed they couldn’t be bothered to leave.

Suddenly, Shockey decided Cortazar was insane and filed for divorce, claiming the marriage was “irretrievably broken.” (Posting the booty pic after the fact because he still thinks she’s hot and/or wanted to humiliate her?)

Continue reading “Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?”

Derriere Contest, Nicki Minaj Or Lil’ Kim?

Kim Kardashian was the new J-Lo but now Nicki Minaj is the new Kim Kardashian. Make sense? After seeing a picture of Lil’ Kim (flashback much?) at an IMAX party in Tampa on TMZ I wondered who truly deserves the plumpiest rump award.

And yeah, I’m confused about why Lil’ Kim was at an IMAX party too. I thought parties in movie theaters were strictly reserved for rugrat birthday parties?

…You know, where they stuff nuggets and their parents into bacteria-filled rooms with some pizza and an overly sweet birthday cake that looks nice but nobody really wants to eat.

Continue reading “Derriere Contest, Nicki Minaj Or Lil’ Kim?”

Kim Kardashian Music Video Leaked?


Awhile ago Kim Kardashian tried to have a “singing” career, so she made this amazing song “Jam (Turn It Up)”

Months later, as in today, a snippet of a never-before-seen music video for the song  has leaked onto the interweb. I have the video AND a still from the it, the only one that matters.

Click “continue reading” to watch the music video clip…

Continue reading “Kim Kardashian Music Video Leaked?”