Let’s Mourn The Loss Of Lara Flynn Boyle’s Face

Nineties sex symbol Lara Flynn Boyle was photographed in Los Angeles on Saturday looking more like MADtv’s Ms. Swan than the woman who once graced the cover of Rolling Stone with her female Twin Peak‘s castmates.

I was reading what one of my favorite “gossip” websites, Pajiba, had to say about it and Dustin Rowles proved a good point. He said:

“When I see pictures of Lara Flynn Boyle or Meg Ryan in their current state, I don’t feel venomous…What I feel is a sort of empathetic helplessness. I feel sad, not necessarily for the way Lara Flynn Boyle looks now, but about the circumstances that drove her to this.”

And while I’d love to throw up comparisons photos of her next to a grumpy alien, I too feel sad that she can’t handle aging naturally. Continue reading “Let’s Mourn The Loss Of Lara Flynn Boyle’s Face”

Jennifer Aniston Finally Shows Signs Of Aging

Well, ONE sign of aging, also a sign that she’s never had cosmetic surgery besides a nose job.

I was examining this photo of Jen and Demi Moore, at an event in NYC, and I noticed that she actually has a forehead wrinkle!

One lone wrinkle, sitting upon her brow as if it were making a proud and distinct statement – “I am 42, and I look amazing. Here lies proof that I am a real person who ages gracefully, and need not dive face-first into botox needles.”

The same cannot be said for Demi Moore…

Continue reading “Jennifer Aniston Finally Shows Signs Of Aging”

Rose McGowan Looks Like An Alien During NY Fashion Week

I really like Rose McGowan, I think she’s funny and has a pretty decent career, appearing in one of my favorite movies, Jawbreaker, and favorite shows Nip/Tuck.

HOWEVER I don’t approve of her blatant plastic surgery addiction. In this photo of her at NY Fashion Week, her lips look like two pink burn-victim survivor slugs.

Her eyes and forehead seem forlorn, aggravated from all the needle injection points. Weird how most people who continuously get botox or cosmetic surgery are the ones who need it the least. 

Ali Lohan, Woolly Eyebrow Swamp Thing

Everyone’s been talking about Lindsay Lohan‘s 17 year-old sister’s new look. Ali Lohan’s modeling portfolio has opened our eyes to the fears of “growing up.”

Or is it plastic surgery? Or maybe she just started eating more scarcely than Cinderella, and intentionally stopped plucking her eyebrows.

She looks like some sort of terrifying 95-pound waif-mannequin. Someone help her!

And whatever you do, don’t book her for any work! Nobody encourage this possibly UFO-abductee!…

Continue reading “Ali Lohan, Woolly Eyebrow Swamp Thing”

Did Jwoww Get Botox Or What?

I keep watching season four of Jersey Shore and fearing the moments when I have to look at Jwoww’s stretched, unmoving face.

I went on Google image search on a desperate quest to find comparison photos and then sadly realized that she doesn’t actually look as different as I thought.

Can some expert surgeon examine Jwoww and tell me if she had work done? The gossiping, pop-culture-devouring monster inside of me really needs to know…

Continue reading “Did Jwoww Get Botox Or What?”

Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)

That’s right, tonight was a very special night. Another important moment in nothingness. Season four of Jersey Shore has finally arrived. The show premiered in Italy with many questions to be answered. Well, honestly, I had no questions. I knew that 1. there will be a car accident. 2. The cast is just as stupid in Italy as in America. And 3. everyone is going to “smush.”

The show starts out in the unfiltered smog of America’s poorly-aged butthole err garden state, NJ. Nothing interesting happens until the boys and girls, Mike “The Situation,” Jenni “Jwoww” Farley, Vinny, Pauly D, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ronnie and Sammi “Sweetheart” arrive in their new foreign home. Like everything else on the show, the new house looks like an imitation. A cheesy high-school project idea of what Italy would be. Marble, statues and pillars with red and yellow paint tossed in for good measure.

Continue reading “Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)”