Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire

Courtney Stodden church clevage
Courtney Stodden, the young Playboy playmate that never was, has confirmed her separation from her actor husband Doug Hutchison, who she married when was just 16.

Stodden, 19, and Hutchinson, 53, say they remain “best friends” and will still share custody of their dog, Dourtney, despite moving on. From Us Weekly:

After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated,” Stodden, 19, and Hutchison, 53, said in a statement to the Daily Mail on Tuesday, Nov. 5. “Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence.”  Continue reading “Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire”

Miley and Liam Call it Quits for Good

Miley Cyrus Liam Hemsworth holding handsAfter months of following and unfollowing each other on Twitter, not appearing in public together, and her not appearing in public with her ring, reps for both Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have confirmed that their engagement is over.

I’m guessing he did it because she’s really, really gross and he can totally do better by dating a cigarette butt or a cow skull. I thought she was weird and terrible when she had long brown hair in The Last Song and hadn’t completely been cut from the chain that kept her from twerking and sweating from her tongue like a Golden Retriever.

The VMAs and “Wrecking Ball” are what happens when Billy Ray sleeps.

My Chemical Romance ‘Proud’ That Their Break-Up Depressed Fans

Gerard Way emoHairy Billy Corgan lookalike Gerard Way wrote that he felt more pride than sadness over the breakup of his band, My Chemical Romance yesterday.

Proud because the depressed fans showed apparently unexpected love for his music.

I didn’t even know My Chemical Romance had a CD in 2010. (Was it any good?) I do know that no one should be sad over this.

Bands who tour for too long (Bush, Everclear etc.) are no longer appreciated because, like the show Weeds, they tend to overstay their welcome until the creativity well becomes dryer than Larry King’s vagina. Continue reading “My Chemical Romance ‘Proud’ That Their Break-Up Depressed Fans”

Scott Weiland Thought He Was Still in Stone Temple Pilots, Until He Turned on His Computer

Scott Weiland angryI can’t even remember how many times Stone Temple Pilots have broken up and gotten back together since the 90’s, when I bought a worn-out, nicotine-smelling cassette tape of Core.

I know you think it’s because of drugs, and I’m sure it partially is, but it’s also been said that Scott is a huge diva narcissist who never shows up anywhere on time…

Most recently, the three vocally challenged Pilot members wrote that they had “officially” fired Weiland on their website, just one day after he insisted the rumors of a break-up were “all hearsay.”

Weiland responded with a statement of his own, revealing that he didn’t know what had happened until he read about it in the news on Feb. 27.  Continue reading “Scott Weiland Thought He Was Still in Stone Temple Pilots, Until He Turned on His Computer”

Britney Spears and Jason Trawick to Remain ‘Friends’ After Break-Up

Britney Spears and Jason TrawickFragile, mental 12-year-old Britney Spears and  facial 50-year-old Jason Trawick have called it quits after three and a half years, but Britney and her rep insist that she will remain friends with her former fiancé.

Britney’s statement: “Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement. I’ll always adore him and we will remain great friends.”

Her rep: Britney Spears and Jason Trawick have mutually agreed to end their one-year engagement. As two mature adults, they came to the difficult decision to go their separate ways while continuing to remain friends.”  Continue reading “Britney Spears and Jason Trawick to Remain ‘Friends’ After Break-Up”

Rob Kardashian Gets Into Crazy Twitter Battle With Ex Rita Ora

Rob Kardashian Rita Ora black and whiteThe least valuable Kardashian got into it on Twitter with his ex-girlfriend, British pop star Rita Ora (often compared to Rihanna), calling her a a dirty two-cent sperm depository (paraphrasing).

On Monday, Rob Kardashian deleted a sting of nasty digs directed at Ora.“She cheated on me with nearly 20 dudes while we were together… But I mean 20?!!!!” he wrote. He later added that he was “disgusted” and wondered how a woman so busy starting her career could “have time to be with so many dudes while in a relationship.”

To make matters worse, someone on a fake Rita Ora account threw out the message “Rob’s dick was wack, I had to go get it somewhere else,” which he retweeted with the response “So you let me get you pregnant and you let others hit raw?”  Continue reading “Rob Kardashian Gets Into Crazy Twitter Battle With Ex Rita Ora”

Bobbi Kristina Got Into A[nother] Car Crash And Her Brother Broke Her Heart

In order to write a redneck hit, you need to include alcohol, car crashes and an inappropriate relationship with a family member.

That’s why I’m going to write a country song about Bobbi Kristina.

On Wednesday she got into a car accident where her Chevy Camaro (perfect for my song) was totaled (she was fine) AND revealed, through a bizarre string of tweets, that she and her brother-fiancé had called it quits.

Everybody relax. Bobbi wrote that she is “incredibly fine” (not in reference to her second wreck of the year), followed by a million hashtags that prove it.  #REALperson Xxo #armyofme #onmywon #goingtomakeit#determined, #notastalentedasmymother #whyamifamous  Continue reading “Bobbi Kristina Got Into A[nother] Car Crash And Her Brother Broke Her Heart”

Selena Sick of Bieber’s Scene? Star Couple Call It Quits After Two Years

If I was 12, I’d be really sad right now, or wait, happy? Looks like saggy purple pants Bieber (okay, I am 11) and non-ugly duckling Selena Gomez are no longer together.

E! News reports that “crazy schedules” played a role in the split, which a source says happened “about a week ago.” And that’s not all. Justin has supposedly been hanging with an underwear model:

Rumors that the adorable twosome had split started gaining traction in the last couple of weeks, but hit a high note just last night when Bieber, 18, was spotted seeing The Lion King on Broadway with a group of people that included 19-year-old Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin.  Continue reading “Selena Sick of Bieber’s Scene? Star Couple Call It Quits After Two Years”

John McCrea Reveals That Cake May Disband Soon

On Chris Hardwick’s Nerdist podcast guest John McCrea, lead singer of Cake, talked about the band’s future. Or NOT future. After Hardwick said, “Congratulations for still being around after all these years,” McCrea responded:

“I’m doing okay, I still sort of hate touring a little bit but you know, I’m thinking about maybe dropping out of the music industry one of these days, I’m not sure when.”  Continue reading “John McCrea Reveals That Cake May Disband Soon”

Shakira Is A Single She Wolf!

Columbian superstar pop singer Shakira is single, after dating her 24 year-old soccer-playing boyfriend Gerard Piqué for six months.

Shakira, 34, reportedly kicked his Spanish (literally from Spain) black and white ball-squeezing ass to the curb after infidelity reports surfaced in the overseas media.

Shakira, who became famous in the states after her 2001 hit song “Whenever, Wherever,” split earlier this year from her agent/boyfriend Antonio de la Rua after 11 years of being together. (He s still representing her, in a business-like manner)…

Continue reading “Shakira Is A Single She Wolf!”

R.E.M. Call It Quits After 31 Years

The Georgia-natives famous for lyrically-grim musical eccentricity, on songs like “Losing My Religion,” and “Bang And Blame,”  have broken up.

The announcement comes 15 albums, countless singles and 31 years later since their formation is 1979.

Frontman/humanitarian Michael Stipe revealed that there was no “disharmony” on their official website today,

“A wise man once said – ‘the skill in attending a party is knowing when it’s time to leave.’ We built something extraordinary together. We did this thing. And now we’re going to walk away from it…”

Continue reading “R.E.M. Call It Quits After 31 Years”