Angelina Jolie Had a Double Mastectomy

Angelina Jolie 2013Angelina Jolie explained her recent absence, revealing that she had joined the likes of Giuliana Rancic, Sharon Osbourne, Kylie Minogue, Kathy Bates and the tens of thousands of American women who undergo mastectomy a year, in a New York Times piece titled “My Medical Choice.”

Jolie wrote that the decision to have her breasts surgically removed and replaced with implants came after doctors learned that she carries a gene that heavily increases the chance of developing breast cancer.

In the heart-melting article, she describes the process, which began in early February and ended in late April, and encourages others to be brave and get tested.  Continue reading “Angelina Jolie Had a Double Mastectomy”

G-Spirits Pour Their Rum, Whiskey And Vodka Over The Teats Of Models

If you like alcohol and ridiculously out-there methods to make products unique, you’ll LOVE G-Spirits, a German liquor company that sells bottles of rum, whiskey and vodka that have been “poured over the breasts” of “special women” (underwear models).

The creators decided that dumping liquid on boobs before bottling, then selling it to refined gentleman James Bond wannabes for 129 euros (roughly $160 American dollars), was a great idea.

Sooo next time your boss is trying to butter you up, he might offer you this, instead of a cigar. Sports agents/boosters of colleges too. “Hey kid, you’ll be playing in the NFL in no time, here’s some shit a naked playmate used as a waterfall.” Mmm tit sweat.  Continue reading “G-Spirits Pour Their Rum, Whiskey And Vodka Over The Teats Of Models”

Breast-Baring Australian Robber The ‘Buxom Bandit’ Flubs Gas Station Burglary

An unidentified blonde woman in her 20’s messed up a robbery on Monday when she entered a Queensland Gold Coast service station and failed to cover her face. She also wore a single glove, like Michael Jackson with boobs! Eee heee.

The most noticeable thing about the security footage was her chest so maybe the ‘Buxom Bandit” as she’s being called, is in the clear after all.

But why bring a knife when you’ve got pre-baby Jessica Simpson artillery to use as a distraction?

Her male accomplice was outside filling up on gas as she ‘terrorized’ the clerk with threats and made off with under $200 dollars from the cash register. Continue reading “Breast-Baring Australian Robber The ‘Buxom Bandit’ Flubs Gas Station Burglary”

‘Breasts: A Natural And Unnatural History’ Book

When I see the word “breast” and “natural history” in one sentence I think, ‘oh, the natural history museum of boobs, where is that again? New York, closed Thanksgiving and Christmas day, open daily at 10 a.m.?’

Sad news for the male population, there is no American Museum Of Natural Breast History, but there is a new book about the evolution of the things called Breasts: A Natural And Unnatural History by Colorado-native Florence Williams.

The author delves into sexuality, plastic surgery, cancer, general evolution, and effects during puberty and menopause. And come on, it’s an entire book inadvertently made for 10 year-old boys to laugh and blush at, at least until they open it and realize the words are too big.

In this work of non-fiction we also learn that breast milk “contains substances similar to cannabis” and is sold on the internet for “262 times the price of oil.” So your husband and/or boyfriend will siphon your milk and replace his bong water with it?

Continue reading “‘Breasts: A Natural And Unnatural History’ Book”

At This Point, Giuliana Rancic Doesn’t Care About Her Breasts

Giuliana Rancic told Michigan Avenue magazine that she doesn’t completely understand people’s reactions to her breast cancer and decision to have a double mastectomy after being diagnosed.

 “People come up and they have sadness in their eyes, and I think, at a time when everyone’s looking at me with pity, I look at myself as lucky. I think I just dodged the biggest bullet of my life.” 

“Maybe in some way I’m a little bit of a messenger. Maybe God knew that I have a big mouth, that I’m a loud Italian chick, that I wouldn’t hide anything. It now starts to make sense to me why I think I got the cool job, because I think HE knew I would do some cool stuff with it.”

Continue reading “At This Point, Giuliana Rancic Doesn’t Care About Her Breasts”

Steven Tyler Needs A Breast Reduction

It’s baffling to me that Steven Tyler was once considered one of the sexiest frontmen of the 70’s and 80’s alongside Bret Michaels and Mick Jagger. Now he’s more like something you’d snicker at on the National Geographic Channel or in your parent’s contemporary art history book.

This photo was posted yesterday on TMZ with the headline “Steven Tyler topless in Maui.” His boobs just keep getting bigger too, he’s definitely a B-cup, a future [insert inappropriate Hepatitis C joke here] C. Tyler may have a busy year in 2012. He’s signed on for one more season of American Idol, engaged and soon-to-be-wed, and was the first guest on Oprah’s Next Chapter, a new primetime series, January 1st.

Continue reading “Steven Tyler Needs A Breast Reduction”