I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…

Nicki minaj pink outfit anaconda
On behalf of everyone, I would like to proclaim that I watched all of Nicki Minaj‘s new music video, which is “Baby Got Back” with a different title and a verse about a dude named Michael with a “dick bigger than a tower” who tossed her salad “like his name Romaine.” 
nicki minaj anaconda gif
Michael and this other guy Troy love that she’s down to bang in a car and that she eats breakfast lunch and dinner because, as you can tell from the salad references and slow-motion banana peeling, she’s very health conscious.

As with all things Nicki Minaj, it all boils down to the ass, and this is definitely the most assalicious song of Nicki’s. (“Dance A$$” doesn’t count if we’re being technical.)The video is just an excuse for Nicki and other self-proclaimed big bootied hoes to twerk.

All twerk and no play / twerking hard or hardly twerking?

Continue reading “I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…”

Joe Pesci Gave Jonah Hill a Rectal Exam

Jonah Hill butt fingers storyThere are only a handful of men as weird and wonderful (and elusive) as Joe Pesci, right? I mean there’s Bill Murray… Sean Penn, maybe? And that’s really it.

Mobster extraordinaire and two-time Home Alone villain Pesci recently approached Jonah Hill at The Wolf Of Wall Street premiere to give him some sage advice about getting a swollen ego and allowing people to over-sing his praises.

“He goes, ‘You’re great in the movie, kid, I’m really proud of you.’ And I’m like, ‘Thank you, your acting means so much to me,'” Hill told Jimmy Fallon. “And he goes, ‘Here’s what I want you to do: I want you to go buy a helmet.’ And I go, ‘okay…'”  Continue reading “Joe Pesci Gave Jonah Hill a Rectal Exam”

The Woman Who Had Her Butt Grabbed by Robin Thicke Thinks You’re All Being a Bit Dramatic

Robin Thicke grabbing buttRobin Thicke caused a big stink when a photo of him posing with a socialite at a VMA party with his hand totally on her butt surfaced. Honestly I do think it is more common for a dude to put his palm on a woman’s back or shoulder when posing for a photo, but it’s Robin Thicke.

I don’t mean that like, he sings “Blurred Lines” so of course he can randomly grope whoever and it’s unsurprising. That song is actually about his wife (not rape, you twats)

“My wife is Mrs. Good Girl… gradually over our marriage I’ve turned her into a bad girl,” Thicke told Howard Stern on the controversy surrounding the song’s meaning.

Back to what I was saying… It’s Robin Thicke, handsome soulful son of Alan Thicke. Paula Patton (wifey) was probably standing right next to him when he took that photo. The woman in question, Lana Scolaro, a sort of cross between Taylor Momsen and Nicky Hilton, says you’re all overreacting. And she’s right.

Continue reading “The Woman Who Had Her Butt Grabbed by Robin Thicke Thinks You’re All Being a Bit Dramatic”

Toni Braxton’s Dress Fell Off, In The Back, And Stuff

Toni Braxton assIn ass news unrelated to big-assed Kim Kardashian calling Katie Couric a two-faced assclown assface, Toni Braxton had a gravity-defying moment of booty-showing bareness at a concert.

Remember her? People used to compare her to Whitney Houston even though she only had a few songs. Good ones, mind you, but it’s like everyone saying Lady Gaga is Madonna after one album or that Leona Lewis is Mariah Carey just because of “Bleeding Love.”

Toni B. sang “Unbreak My Heart,” “He Wasn’t Man Enough,” and “You’re Making Me High,” hits that allow her to continue to tour to this day. At one show this week in the not-so-fine state of New Jersey, Braxton’s completely fine backside backslid out of her dress for the world to see, causing an uproar in the audience and a good-natured smile and giggle from her.  Continue reading “Toni Braxton’s Dress Fell Off, In The Back, And Stuff”

Rihanna Plays Grab-Ass on a Boat, Bitch

Rihanna grabbing girl's buttSuperstar contrasting wearer of fluorescent Supra Skytops, trucker hats and Armani Rihanna took a break from rolling spliffs and dollar bills to spend time with supermodel flavor of the year, Cara Delevingne on a giant boat.

Delevingne has literally been seen with every British person ever (plus Rihanna). Harry Styles, Rita Ora, Kate Moss… whoever.

I’m convinced it’s because, like most models, Cara is offbeat looking. She’s slightly crosseyed and professionally scrawny, but she cleans up well. This is perfectly non-threatening for high-profile lady-friend-divas with inflated egos.

She deserves at least one pat on the butt and two tequila shots for banging greasy musician types (like Pete Doherty) instead of RiRi’s potential lovers. —–> MORE PHOTOS HERE. <—–

Miley Shows Liam Hemsworth She’s Ready For Anal Penetration

Miley Cyrus ass in the air
Miley Cyrus has been promoting her new coke and MDMA-fueled single “We Can’t Stop” by spamming the crap out of her Twitter followers. In one of her more recent reminders, she wrote “editing #wecantstop” along with this wonderful picture of her in the traditional “downward dog wants anal” pose.

This was either a hello to Liam Hemsworth or an “I’ve got a love and I know that it’s all mine” message to Amanda Bynes, who totally thinks Liam is the most gorgeous white vagina-murderer in the land.

8====D Bonus Miley Cyrus arse pic here if that’s really something you’re not sick of yet <—–

David Beckham Predictably ‘Loses’ His Robe and Shirt For H&M

David Beckham shirtless H&M 2013Expert at dealing with artificial life forms Guy Ritchie directed David Beckham in a new H&M Bodywear ad that has him (and a big-bootied stunt double) running, jumping and swimming in a hapless effort to get his bathrobe back.

This involves flying past landscapers, Dobermans, soccer-playing children (to remind you that he’s not just a greased-up model for hire) and a tour bus full of horny ladies with camera phones.

I also learned that he gets an added jolt of speed by picking his butt. Congratulations Bot Spice, you’re a lucky lady.  Continue reading “David Beckham Predictably ‘Loses’ His Robe and Shirt For H&M”

Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?

Jeremy Shockey Daniela CortazarFormer Giants and Saints Super Bowl champion Jeremy Shockey’s soon-to-be ex-wife Daniela Cortazar is asking for $15,000 because of an Instagram photo of her bare bottom that supposedly violates a privacy provision in the prenup.

These two lovebirds spent a handful of last year’s months batting their eyelashes at each other and Tweeting photos from the bed they couldn’t be bothered to leave.

Suddenly, Shockey decided Cortazar was insane and filed for divorce, claiming the marriage was “irretrievably broken.” (Posting the booty pic after the fact because he still thinks she’s hot and/or wanted to humiliate her?)

Continue reading “Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?”

Selena Sings ‘Cry Me A River,’ Justin Shows His Butt

Justin Bieber censored crack Who the hell knows what’s going on with Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez from week to week. One second they’re together, the next they’re mooning each other and singing cheating anthems by Justin Timberlake.

On Saturday Justin posted and then deleted a photo of his bare behind, hashtag “moon.” On the other side of the world (or just in New York), Selena Gomez was covering “Cry Me A River,” emphasizing the lyric “It wasn’t like you only talked to her and you know it” not long after her little meeting with supposed Bieber-mistress Barbara Palvin at the Golden Globes.  Continue reading “Selena Sings ‘Cry Me A River,’ Justin Shows His Butt”

Miley Cyrus Got What She Wanted For Her Birthday

Miley Cyrus stripper buttLike all Disney-related acts before her, Kiyomi from The Real L Word Miley Cyrus has made the transition from butterfly-loving cutie patootie to crunk, stripper-fondling, underfed member of ICP.

“If I don’t get atleast one big booty hoe my friends are officially not my friends anymore,” Cyrus wrote before her 20th birthday party last month.

You know it was a good get-together when random, Vegas-y photos are still surfacing (TMZ dug this one up yesterday).

To recap, Miley Cyrus still has friends and Liam Hemsworth has officially seen less naked girls than his wife has (see her performance at “Christmas Creampies”).  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Got What She Wanted For Her Birthday”

Sofia Vergara’s Ass Fell Out At The Emmys

This year’s Emmys were pretty boring. Mad Men and Girls were snubbed while Modern Family won five statues.

HBO’s Game Change, starring Julianne Moore as Sara Palin, took home four.

In dress news Claire Danes wore a bag (because she’s pregnant), and Lucy Liu wore Versace armor but the biggest, least boring thing to happen was Sofia Vergara‘s behind-the-scenes wardrobe malfunction.

“Yes!!!! This happend 20 min before we won!!!! Jajajajja. I luv my life!!!!” Vergara wrote on WhoSay with an accompanying photo of her ripped green dress, then another of an “emergency team” frantically pinning it together.  Continue reading “Sofia Vergara’s Ass Fell Out At The Emmys”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-24-12]

Justin Timberlake showed his butt at his bachelor party in Cabo. (TMZ)

Turkish diver “saves” blow-up doll from a watery death. (Reuters)

Michael Jackson totally wrote a song about “abortion papers.” (ohmyGAHH!)

All the 2012 Emmys dresses you needed to laugh at and/or envy. (Jezebel)

Amanda Knox still Skypes with her ex-boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito. (Yahoo!)

News lady Katie Couric struggled with bulimia. (ABC)

Kerri Walsh Jennings was five weeks pregnant during the 2012 Olympics. (Inquistr)

Quarterback Eli Manning likes a band called Technopop Slashfest. (Deadspin)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-22-12]

You’re welcome in advance. Here’s Eve Longoria’s bare ass. (Daily Mail)

Taylor Swift buys Conor Kennedy ice cream sundaes, writes him love notes. (Celebitchy)

Linebacker Bart Scott threatens to “smack the shit out of” Jets writer. (Deadspin)

JWOWW is engaged to that Roger guy? Not surprising. (Radar Online)

Party rockers LMFAO on hiatus. (Rolling Stone)

Clint Eastwood may talk to empty chairs, but he loves the gays. (ohmyGAHH!)

Friends of Amanda Bynes angry at her parents for not helping more. (TMZ)

Gaga wears a pink and blue fatsuit, quotes Monroe. (ONTD!)

Vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan booed after saying he wants to repeal ObamaCare. (ABC)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-31-12]

When people dye their hair brown, it means they’re crazy. See Lady Gaga. (Celebuzz)

Bearded Portland men cross bridge with guns and camo in the name of breasts. (KATU)

Stupid people make beautiful babies. See Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. (Tale Tela)

Tori Spelling had a fourth child with Dean no-relation-to-Dylan McDermott. (People)

Actors/actresses: DON’T WORK WITH TERRENCE MALICK. He’ll cut you. (Yahoo!)

Sage Stallone died of a heart attack, not illegal substances or pills. (TMZ)

The Possession‘s Jeffrey Dean Morgan doesn’t want that haunted box anywhere near him. (io9)

Britney Spears berates and seduces X Factor contestants in new promo. (EW)

This is what Michelle Obama looks like in a nude, neoclassical painting. (Gawker)

Ryan Lochte‘s VERY ALLEGED penis pic is still unavailable. (Deadspin)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-26-12]

Kim Kardashian asks if her “butt looks big.” World answers yes, years ago. (Evil Beet)

On top of face-kinis, China also has RED beaches. (Grind Tv)

Macaulay Culkin just turned 32. Is still friends with more celebs than you can name. (Yahoo!)

Sesame Street’s Jerry “Count von Count” Nelson passed away. (Grouchy Muffin)

Alexander Skarsgård has a new baby brother. His seventh sibling! (E! Online)

Woman fired from Burger King for wearing a skirt. (Inquisitr)

Anti-Obama documentary sours at box office. For a documentary. (Gawker)

Mother nature hates Republicans, sends tropical storm Isaac to their convention. (Washington Post)

Snooki‘s baby gorilla introduced to society. Here’s some more info. (Access Hollywood)

Prince Harry Is Naked

You’ve heard about Prince Harry’s drunken pool race with Ryan Lochte in Las Vegas, but have you seen what he was hiding under his swim trunks?

New photos released on Tuesday by TMZ almost reveal England’s crimson hope diamond.

Things got a little crazy when the Prince of Wales invited a group of women to play strip billiards in his suite.

Looks like he lost at the game AND at not making everyone put their camera phones in a basket upon entry.

A rep for his family says, 

“We have no comment to make on the photos at this time.”  Continue reading “Prince Harry Is Naked”

Katy Perry Displays Major T&A At Water Park

Katy Perry’s bikini bottoms were partially forced off by rushing waves on Sunday at Raging Waters water park in San Dimas California.

Normally I’m a little on the fence about Katy. The public is always too busy looking at her fertility statue bosom to notice that her brain cells depleted at birth.

These pictures kind of make me like her, for multiple reasons.

One, she’s out with no bodyguards, just hanging at a public water park with friends. Second, she’s showing her completely regular looking plumber’s crack to civilians, and laughing about it afterwards.  Continue reading “Katy Perry Displays Major T&A At Water Park”