Cameron Diaz’s Mentor Wants Her to Stop Bathing in Benjamins

Cameron Hair spermEveryone needs someone in their corner. Rocky had Paulie, Lisbeth had Mikael, Shaggy had Scooby, and Cameron Diaz has Gwyneth Paltrow.

According to The Sun, Gwyneth Paltula has disposed of Madonna’s dry, tasteless 54-year-old blood, placing her feeding straw against Cameron’s vital 40-year-old veins.

A source says Paltrow, who has tons in common with Diaz because they’re both blonde actresses, has “sorted out” her new friend’s finances and is forcing her to swear off sex for an entire year because men are a distracting waste of her time.

Really I just think Gwyneth wants everyone to share her boring married sex life. Or, she’s hoping her hymen will grow back so she can sell her into slavery. One of the two.

Cameron Diaz’s 40-Year-Old Vag Is Still Relevant

Cameron Diaz imitates the openness of the Grand Canyon in her new “spread,” shot by Terry Richardson for Esquire UK‘s November issue. Diaz, who just turned 40,  says she is finally happy.

“For the first time in my life I’m content,” Diaz explained.

“I’m so excited. Getting older is the best part of life. Like, I know more than I’ve ever known. I have gratitude. I know myself better. I feel more capable than ever. And as far as the physicality of it – I feel better at 40 than I did at 25.”

Words for Madonna to consider: “There’s no such thing as anti-aging — it’s all a crock of shit, you can’t go back in time.”

Dear soon-to-be-married ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake: “[Marriage] just wasn’t the thing I was drawn to, I certainly didn’t want it in my twenties. Or my thirties. So we’ll see.”  Continue reading “Cameron Diaz’s 40-Year-Old Vag Is Still Relevant”