12 Dead in France Over Anti-Islamic Cartoons

charlie hebdo islam cartoonThe offices of the newspaper Charlie Hebdo came under gunfire earlier today by three masked men who killed 12 and left two critically injured in the worst attack on France since 1995’s Paris train bombing.

The gunman, who wielded assault rifles and a rocket launcher and yelled “Allahu Akbar” (Allah is the greatest) as they stormed the building, have been identified and the youngest attacker, 18-year-old Hamyd Mourad, has turned himself in. Authorities are working hard to locate the other two men.  Continue reading “12 Dead in France Over Anti-Islamic Cartoons”

Frank Ocean Wants Chris Brown Poked With Splintery Penitentiary Wood

92387985JK095_POWER_105_1_SYesterday I told you about the latest barnyard rooster fight where Chris Brown and Frank Ocean went into a trance of unnatural posture and puffed-out chests over a parking space or whose wattle hangs lower.

Well, today there are various reports relating to the tussle. My favorite is that Frank Ocean wants to press charges.

You know how Iron Man has that shrapnel magnet in his chest? Well, in my dreams, Chris is in a jail cell with a guy who holds the remote control to a giant buttplug in his ass, and every time he misbehaves, it deeply penetrates him AND shocks him with 2000 volts of electricity. Even better than heart-piercing shrapnel, yeah? Continue reading “Frank Ocean Wants Chris Brown Poked With Splintery Penitentiary Wood”

The Killers’ Animated ‘Miss Atomic Bomb’ Video is a Real Deuce-Dropper

Brandon Flowers Miss Atomic Bomb 1Don’t even try to ask me for a timeline of when The Killers got boring. It was so long ago, I can barely recall. Even though Sam’s Town was a good CD, I know that it is partially to blame (his wife, Bono and Chris Martin too).

That’s right about when Brandon Flowers started spewing nonsense about the music being made for arena shows, which would be totally great if he didn’t have the stage presence of mosquito with no wings.

In this boredom-inducing sequel to “Mr. Brightside, Miss Atomic Bomb bursts out of cartoon form and into the reality of Flowers standing on a motorcycle in front of the largest beaming white moon you’ve ever seen.

Continue reading “The Killers’ Animated ‘Miss Atomic Bomb’ Video is a Real Deuce-Dropper”

Johnny Depp Reprises ‘Edward Scissorhands’ Role

Johnny Depp will step back into the iconic role of Edward Scissorhands, the 1990 cult favorite co-starring Winona Ryder (and the sixth movie of Depp’s career).

There’s just one catch, he’ll be playing Edward in cartoon form, for 20 seconds.

Seth MacFarlane has enlisted Depp to voice the character, who happens to be employed as a night nurse, on Family Guy. Joke:

“Okay now I’m an excellent night nurse so you two get some much deserved sleep and don’t worry about a thing, I will taking such loving care of this wonderful little gift, and when you wake well-rested up, your precious little baby will be smiling as bright as the sun… it’s dead.”

Continue reading “Johnny Depp Reprises ‘Edward Scissorhands’ Role”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-11-12]

New Yorker banned from Facebook for cartoon boob post. (Gawker)

Here’s Kate Winslet’s original screen test in Titanic, feat. Jeremy Sisto. (Bleeding Cool)

Zac Efron loves gay men, isn’t necessarily a gay man himself. (OhMyGAHH!)

A “source” says Vanessa Hudgens was “creeped out” by Nicolas Cage. (Entertainment Wise)

Jane Fonda as Nancy Reagan, Tweeted by Oprah. (Advocate)

Enquirer says O.J. Simpson identifies as Khloe Kardashian’s father. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Blake Lively and her bridesmaids walked the aisle in custom Marchesa gowns. (Huffington Post)

This purse full of wine is perfect for…Hamptons-type alcoholics in denial? (Grouchy Muffin)


Doonesbury Pulled From Newspapers For Abortion Focus

 Newspapers in several states including Oregon, Florida and Texas refused to print Doonsebury comic strips after the series focused on the topic of abortion for a week.

Obvious references to Rush Limbaugh’s “slut” comment and the two sponsors of the abortion sonogram bill (which would require women to examine their baby before termination) Sen. Dan Patrick and Rep. Sid Miller, appeared prominently.

In the comic, legislator “Sid Patrick” asks a young woman if her parents “know she’s a slut” after she mentions using contraceptives.  Continue reading “Doonesbury Pulled From Newspapers For Abortion Focus”