Marilyn Manson is a Reclusive Cat Lady

Marilyn Manson loves catsIn a New York Times profile on Marilyn Manson’s “phoenix rising” music and acting career, we learn details so mundane they’re actually startling.

Firstly, Manson gave up the drink he mentioned in pretty much every interview prior to this one (absinthe) to get in better shape, and was inspired to do so by Charlie Hunnam from Sons of Anarchy. 

He’s also best friends with Johnny Depp, enjoys Sisqo’s “The Thong Song” and loves his cat Lily more than anything in this world.

Otherwise, Marilyn Manson is a bit of a homebody, preferring to watch TV and movies or paint. His dearest companion is his 11-year-old danderless cat, Lily White. “She is definitely the one true center of my universe,” he said, scrolling through photos of her on his phone. “It’s the closest thing, I guess, to having a child.”

Enjoy this picture of Michael C. Hall rescuing a cat from a roof and imagine fellow unexpected cat ladies Snooki, Manson and Russell Brand there lending a hand.

Dog-Like Cat Jumps 5 Feet to Greet Owner

deployed soldier catIn the most suspenseful video of 2014, a meowing cat impatiently waits for his soldier owner to arrive after being deployed for months.

The viewer takes on some of the cat’s anxiety, as it feels like it takes FOREVER for the door to open and the dude to walk in, set down a box, and catch the cat in the air as he leaps into his arms. So cute.

I relate to this. The last time I was downtown I did the same thing to a stranger but that was mostly because they had a cheese blintz in their hand. Begging them to adopt me and let me live in their pool house was probably mistake, but I don’t regret stealing the blintz.  Continue reading “Dog-Like Cat Jumps 5 Feet to Greet Owner”

Uh, My Cat Looks Like Slender Man

cat looks like slenderman So I was playing video games the other day, not paying much attention to my surroundings and I glance to my left randomly and see this freakish pale-faced figure peering at me through the blinds. It’s a good thing I was already wearing an adult diaper because I was terrified and thought Slender Man was visiting my room to punish me for wondering how anyone could believe in or fear a malnourished half-human, half-octopus man in a suit.

Not at all making light of the children who recently stabbed their friends and family in the name of this urban legend, but is the resemblance to Slender Man and my cat not uncanny?

She’ll totally lure you onto the sofa, hypnotize you into petting her and then pierce random parts of your body with razor-sharp teeth at unexpected moments.  Continue reading “Uh, My Cat Looks Like Slender Man”

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure rudely interrupted

race for the cure seattle 2014During the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure it started to rain, but not the beautiful rain you love to run around in… Instead, it rained cat feces, cat litter, chicken breasts and a green liquid (Nickelodeon slime?). As it turns out, a lady from the fifth floor apartment that the race was going on by was the cause of the cat poop-throwing rage.

The police say that the women was so angry about the noise the race for cancer was making that she flung cat feces and frozen chicken parts. (Kind like angry birds but with cat poop and chicken.)

On Sunday morning, officers reported seeing a “hail of garbage” fall from a fifth story apartment in downtown Seattle.  Continue reading “Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure rudely interrupted”

A cat that wants to fight crime or thinks his owner needs to relax?

cat smoking weedSo an interesting thing happened last Sunday in New Zealand. A cat brings a bag of about five grams of weed home. The owner of the cat then called the cops to report the incident. Now police are conducting further investigation to see where the drugs originated.

Numerous scenarios cross my mind wondering how and why this cat acquired the bag of weed. Was this cat a superhero, fighting crime and doing his part to clean up the streets? Is there a drug dealer somewhere with claw and bite marks all over his face claiming to have been attacked by a cat wearing a mask and cape? Or maybe the cat was fed up with his cranky hormonal owner and just wanted her to relax.

In either case it seems as though cats are really trying to make a comeback. Like the feline, Tara, who saved a boy from being attacked by a dog…  Continue reading “A cat that wants to fight crime or thinks his owner needs to relax?”

Merry Christmas! Here’s a Cat Dressed as Santa…

cat dressed as santaErm, I just wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas and remind you that I am a crazy cat lady who still adores all 3 of her fans (mom and brother + one friend?) with this photo of a feline Santa, beard and all.

And because I’m random as all hell and think you’re all psychologically disturbed for tricking innocent kids, here’s a wonderful article about a distressed mother being totally dishonest after her children discovered presents in the attic and nearly stopped believing in Santa.

Best excerpt, via The New York Times:

In addition to being a mom, I am a behavioral neuroscientist, a professor and a generally serious-minded, reality-based person. So what in the world had I just done? Why did I invent this incredible story in a desperate bid to protect my daughters’ belief in Santa, instead of seizing it as a teachable moment to tell them the truth?

Your milk is sour and your cookies taste like lies! Love, a Grinch who is far too lazy to steal trees.

Awwww, Gentle Giant James Cromwell Arrested For Being a Crazy Cat Lady

James CromwellI’m not one of those people who thinks Martin Sheen is the president or that Angelina Jolie raids tombs in her spare time (though that could actually be true). I know the difference between reality and fiction, BUT I do have to say that I was starting to associate James Cromwell with evil after I saw him cut Chloe Sevigny’s legs off in American Horror Story: Asylum.

In wonderful news, the nice tall man from Babe (and well-meaning but insane conspiracy theorist in Six Feet Under) was handcuffed Thursday morning for protesting unnecessary cat research at University of Wisconsin.

While it makes me nervous that some guy from PETA was involved, I think it’s weirdly cute and amazing that Cromwell burst into a board meeting screaming “This is not science!”  Continue reading “Awwww, Gentle Giant James Cromwell Arrested For Being a Crazy Cat Lady”

What To Expect From Ke$ha’s Reality Show

Kesha my crazy beautiful life promoI have a bad feeling about the Ke$ha reality show MTV just okayed.

Maybe it won’t live up to its full potential, like Snakes on a Plane. Maybe it’ll die after two seasons the way The Ashlee Simpson show did.

What if it isn’t about Ke$ha drinking her own puke out of an iron lung??

So what will My Crazy Beautiful Life (also the name of her book), which debuts in April, actually be about? Ke$ha says it will reveal a “more complete picture” of her life, which is “real” and “not at all glamorous.”  Continue reading “What To Expect From Ke$ha’s Reality Show”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-11-13]

Siglinda Scarpa72-year-old North Carolina woman has 300 cats, in non-gross conditions. (New York Times)

Everyone in America has the flu (or bubonic plague, or worse). (Gizmodo)

Justin Bieber‘s former bodyguard suing for assault and unpaid overtime. (The Superficial)

If you loved The Witcher, you’ll probably also love Cyberpunk 2077. (Kotaku)

DESTINY’S CHILD will be at the Super Bowl performing their new song “Nuclear!” (Rolling Stone)

Now the bad news… Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult broke up. (Evil Beet)

James Franco spoofed “Boyfriend” with Ashley Benson and it isn’t even funny. (ohmyGAHH!)

My Cat Is Preparing Me For A Satanic Ritual

You see that red “X” on that hideous pasty highway of veins and moles? That’s my arm and a mark of the beast, put there by my closest confidant and abusive advisor, Raisin, the 18 pound wonky-eyed Siamese.

Obviously he’s put this scratch on my skin as a sort of map for the occult. A place to bury a microchip, store a Friskies treat, or insert the adamantium.

It also looks like I’ve been indulging in some form of self-mutilation.

If I ever left the house, people would see this and feel sad as they picture me sitting at home teary-eyed watching muted Ahh Bra infomercials with a tack to my flesh.