Christina Turns Her Chair For Season 5 of ‘The Voice’

Christina Aguilera armsChristina Aguilera is bringing her particular brand of sass and insanity back to the fifth season of The Voice this September.

She just signed a $12.5 million contract to return to the red “I Want You” chair that Shakira’s been keeping warm for her.

I happened to see the studio where The Voice is filmed when I traveled via wheelbarrow to California. It’s an unremarkable black square with no windows in The Valley (where it’s already hotter than the toilets at the U.S. Championship Cheese Contest).

That’s why Christina’s always fanning her escape artist tatas and why Robin Thicke looked like melted Dippin’ Dots on last week’s episode.

Speaking of tatas, I really wish Shakira and Christina could be on the show at the same time. Usher can dance off the edge of the earth that he probably believes is flat for all I care.  Continue reading “Christina Turns Her Chair For Season 5 of ‘The Voice’”

Cee Lo Denies Involvement In Sexual Battery Case

A woman in L.A. has filed a case against “Fuck You” singer and Gnarls Barkley/Goodie Mob member Cee Lo Green, accusing him of sexually assaulting her.

No one knows the name of the victim, what kind of assault occurred or where  it happened, but sources tell TMZ that detectives have questioned employees of a restaurant in downtown Los Angeles.

Cee Lo aka Thomas DeCarlo Callaway, says he hasn’t been to the restaurant in at least 3 months and that “Nothing ever happened there or anywhere else.”

This better not be true. I love me some Cee Lo. He’s like a floating torso in a white suit.  Seeing him flirt with scantily clad female contestants on The Voice would never be the same.  Continue reading “Cee Lo Denies Involvement In Sexual Battery Case”

Shakira And Usher Replace Christina Aguilera And Cee Lo For Season Four Of ‘The Voice’

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of me crapping my she-wolf pants. Shakira is temporarily replacing Christina Aguilera as a judge on next season of The Voice, with Usher sitting in Cee Lo’s seat.

HOWEVER, Aguilera and Cee Lo will return for season five (Blake and Adam are staying), as they are simply on a hiatus to work on new music.  Continue reading “Shakira And Usher Replace Christina Aguilera And Cee Lo For Season Four Of ‘The Voice’”

Who Has What It Takes To Win ‘The Voice?’

I became obsessed with The Voice last season, when the show was in its beta phase. When they didn’t anticipate enough rejections in the blind auditions, and cast members had to re-audition to fill spots.

The show is still flawed, battle rounds pit too good of foes against one another, causing people who might have won to go home early. Angie Johnson versus recently axed Cheesa was one of those times.

Continue reading “Who Has What It Takes To Win ‘The Voice?’”

Alright Voice Judges, Time To Change Your Clothes

You may or may not have noticed that this, but for the third battle round in a row, the judges on The Voice haven’t bothered to change their clothes.

This is actually because these two-hour episodes were filmed all at one time.

The dummies at NBC didn’t bother to tell Christina Aguilera to take off her shrunken Liza Minnelli hat to at least allude to it being a different day.

I’m tired of Adam Levine in his oversized brown J-Crew abomination that looks it’s from the closet of some rustic cabin in Colorado. And Cee Lo, in a specially-made letterman jacket for Big & Tall dwarfs.

Continue reading “Alright Voice Judges, Time To Change Your Clothes”

New Cee Lo,”Cry Baby,” Featuring Urkel

“Shhhhh, I’m Cee Lo Green.” Says Jaleel White in Cee Lo’s new video, released today.

Yes that’s actor behind Steve Urkel of Family Matters, the ultimate one-dimensional glasses/suspenders wearing nerd. Mouthing the words to Cee Lo’s new single “Cry Baby.” And he dances too, I guess.

I’m not sure what Cee Lo has against singing his own songs in his videos, as he had this same technique for half the “Fuck You” video, but it’s a catchy song. Not sure I love the video, let it play in the background. Don’t look at it.

Fatty boom boom.