New Derpy Ninja Turtles Would Definitely Have Been Bullied in High School

new Donatello Anyone who grew up with the original Ninja Turtles remembers how “cool” they were. They somehow managed to be super relatable despite being of the reptile persuasion, which was part of the allure along with how well the turtles were marketed to my generation.

I would have traded my soul and the souls of my family for a bucket of those action figures.

A bunch of young, fun-loving superheroes with a rat mentor and human love interest? Their species didn’t matter. In their heyday, they could have been the Teenage Mutant Ninja Alligators or Dogs, but now my memories are being desecrated by CGI monstrosities who look too stupid to not be extinct. In the new Ninja Turtle movie, Donatello is a derpy frog professor with progeria and Michelangelo wears puka shells.

Even after being handed a few million dollars to pretend like this is all okay, Megan Fox is like:
Megan fox april sees turtles for first time I can’t blame that guy who’s pretending to direct when we all know these warped clichés and awkward special effects reak of Michael Bay. The new teenage turtles are so much more mutant than ninja, “the smart one” has to have buckteeth and tape on his glasses and “the cool one” smells of such desperation, you wouldn’t even hang out with him if he handed you a bag of weed and the keys to his car.  Continue reading “New Derpy Ninja Turtles Would Definitely Have Been Bullied in High School”

Guillermo del Toro-Produced ‘Mama’ Destroyed by CGI

Megan Charpentier mamaGuillermo del Toro, who often produces for first time directors, became involved with the latest PG-13 ghost story in theaters after Spanish commercial-director Andrés Muschietti sent him a short film.

Sadly, Mamá the short is much more captivating than Mama the feature starring Jessica Chastain as the non-maternal bass player-girlfriend of a man (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Game of Thrones) whose brother recently died after committing a heinous crime.

Here’s a plot summary, from del Toro himself (void of spoilers unless you haven’t seen a preview):

“The kids are abandoned in the woods by their father. It’s half-fairy tale, half-horror film, and they survive five years in the wilderness and nobody knows exactly how. And the thing that kept them alive is a ghost. It looked after them, it’s a presence of a dead mother. And then they come back to civilization and it comes with them.”  Continue reading “Guillermo del Toro-Produced ‘Mama’ Destroyed by CGI”

10 Things You Might Not Know About ‘Prometheus’

Recently I watched a lengthy DVD special feature called Furious Gods: Making Prometheus from the 4-disc Blu-ray and felt the need to share what I learned for anyone who enjoyed the movie as much as I did.

If you don’t have to time to watch Furious Gods, just know that Ridley Scott is a brilliant visual director and artist who, like Tarantino and del Toro, is not a huge fan of green screen filmmaking.

Also, he changes his mind every three seconds. (Applicants to work with him have to be patient and on their toes at all times, this is called “The Ridley Factor”).

Here are 10 interesting facts about the sci-fi prequel:  Continue reading “10 Things You Might Not Know About ‘Prometheus’”

The Three G’s That Put Nails In The Hobbit’s Coffin – Guillermo, Graphics, ‘Game Of Thrones’

I know people love Peter Jackson‘s Lord Of The Rings trilogy, I just don’t always know why. A good series, derived from a few of the best fantasy novels of all time. Is that enough? Maybe, since there’s no basis for comparison…

Now that we’ve seen Game Of Throneswe’ve learned that fantasy can be done without cheesy special effects and dialogue.

It can be gritty and unrated, taking itself seriously enough to keep us on the edge of our seats without a total lack of humor (see Peter Dinklage and Maisie Williams).

Continue reading “The Three G’s That Put Nails In The Hobbit’s Coffin – Guillermo, Graphics, ‘Game Of Thrones’”

New Images From ‘The Hobbit’ Emerge, Will Make You Feel Even More Blasé

Ten photos from Peter Jackson‘s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey have been released via Entertainment Weekly. The movie, due out December 15 of this year, is Jackson’s first directing gig since 2009’s underwhelming The Lovely Bones.

I can’t say that these pictures, which come with quotes from the actors, reveal much that can’t be seen in the trailer. They do make me wonder if the two parts of The Hobbit will be improved in comparison to their predecessors that totally don’t hold up over time.  Continue reading “New Images From ‘The Hobbit’ Emerge, Will Make You Feel Even More Blasé”

H&M Confirms Usage Of CGI Model Bodies

The clothing store/label H&M has admitted that the models displayed on their website are computer-generated from the neck down. This after a Norwegian blog noticed something strange about the images. A PR rep for the company said,

It’s not a real body, it is completely virtual and made ​​the computer. We take pictures of the clothes on a doll that stands in the shop, and then create the human appearance with a program on your computer…It’s not about ideals or to show off a perfect body, we are doing this to show off the garments. This is done for all garments, not just underwear. It applies to both women’s and men’s clothing.”

Continue reading “H&M Confirms Usage Of CGI Model Bodies”