Concert Nearly Cancelled After Extreme Winds Blow Cigarette Smoke into Madonna’s Face

Madonna Chile 2012 1Madonna threatened to cancel a concert in Santiago, Chile on a rainy Wednesday night if fans at the sound check continued blowing cigarette smoke in her face.

“If you’re going to smoke cigarettes, I’m not doing a show,” she screeched as cracks permeated through her skin like the ground after an earthquake. “You don’t care about me? I don’t care about you. All right? Are we going to play that game? I’m not kidding. I can’t sing if you smoke.”

The most frightening part was when Vag Donna, in a menacing black hoodie, said “WHERE ARE THEY SMOKING?” as she tried to seek out and punish the fag-loving Chileans. Continue reading “Concert Nearly Cancelled After Extreme Winds Blow Cigarette Smoke into Madonna’s Face”

Lindsay Lohan Rushed To New York Hospital For Asthma

Lindsay Lohan was taken to the emergency room at Mount Sinai hospital in New York late Sunday after having a severe asthma attack.

TMZ reports that Lohan, whose father said that she has to take these things seriously because “she had a bad case of asthma as a kid,” was released shortly after being given antibiotics for a lung infection.

“Lindsay was treated and released, and is doing fine,” Lindsay’s rep told Newsday. Sources close to the troubled starlet revealed that she’s been dealing with walking pneumonia for the last two weeks.

Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Rushed To New York Hospital For Asthma”

Marlboro Needs To Give Lindsay Lohan A Job…

Let me start by saying that I hate smokers more than most.

I have a communist view of them.

I feel like they should be charged a lot more for cigarettes, perhaps around $70 dollars a pack.

If I were a politician, I would suggest a bill that looks to build closed-in bus stop-sized buildings on street corners where smokers could go and blow second-hand cancer fumes at each other, instead of in my face.

Imagine glass boxes full of smelly, nicotine-addicted monsters. Now imagine Lindsay Lohan is there with them…  Continue reading “Marlboro Needs To Give Lindsay Lohan A Job…”

Pregnant White Women Can’t Give Up Cigarettes

Just because I compare babies to earwigs and think being pregnant is a horrible curse, doesn’t mean I believe in filling the lungs of an unborn child with smoke.

According to a national survey by the Mental Health Services Administration, 1 in 5 caucasian women who are with-child will smoke cigarettes – which is far more than black or hispanic women.

The study looked to correlate the use of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes between different races during their pregnancies.

Don’t kill the messenger delivering the potentially inaccurate information, but it also states that pregnant black women were more likely than other races to use illicit drugs.  Continue reading “Pregnant White Women Can’t Give Up Cigarettes”

Lindsay Got Her Teeth Fixed, Addictions Still Prevalent

After showing up to the Saint’s Row: The Third premiere a few weeks ago in L.A. with cavity-ridden teeth the color of what’d you find inside a campground Honey Bucket, we all wondered why Lindsay hadn’t paid to fix the damn things.

And guess what? She did fix them! She probably read my Lohan candy corn mouth article and realized that I was trying to tell her something.

She must have missed my other articles where I berated her for drinking like Tony Soprano and smoking more cigarettes than The Marlboro man, rest his soul.

Continue reading “Lindsay Got Her Teeth Fixed, Addictions Still Prevalent”