After listening to Sarah Silverman on Howard Stern for the zillionth time, I’m realizing that the woman famous for lines like “I don’t care if you think I’m racist, I just want you to think I’m thin,” is not only hilarious, but also kind of on the top of my previously non-existent list of celebrities I’d actually want to spend time with.
On the Stern Show (September 23), real role model and imaginary bestie Silverman managed to transform stories on superficial things like dating Michael Sheen, showering under her mother’s bush and vape pens into hilarious well-worded wisdom on aging and body image.
On her infamous, random Emmys speech:
I’m always obsessed with the thought that we are hurling through space right now.
I’m in training for the rest of my life to be able to walk without pain. I just want to be healthy.
My skin is the loosest it’s ever been, and it’s only gonna get looser.
Her scene in Masters of Sex, starring boyfriend Michael Sheen:
Ever since I turned 40 I’ve been naked in things. It’s just a human body and I just kind of am over it.
Sheen’s ex-wife, Kate Beckinsale:
You know what, it’s more like ‘Oh my God, look at all these beautiful women and he loves ME.
He and Kate are like brother and sister. I love her, she’s hilarious.
People made a really big deal about it, and I feel like in a few years it won’t be a big deal. Listen, I think of myself as a stoner but the truth is, I’m a total lightweight. I’ll have a puff or two puffs at the end of the night and it’s so funny that’s such a big deal because I’m literally milling around with drunk terrifying people. Drunk people are so scary to me. I don’t even want to make eye contact with them, it’s trouble. They’re trouble. If you look at them the wrong way all their fears come to the surface. You know when drunk people go ‘Oh you think you’re better than me?’ and it’s like, ‘No, that’s what you feel and it’s coming out,’ you know?
I’m not someone who’s like, gonna crusade to legalize pot. It’s not important enough to me, but it is ridiculous. It should be legal. All that shit should be legal.