Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water

Sarah Silverman Howard Stern show 2014After listening to Sarah Silverman on Howard Stern for the zillionth time, I’m realizing that the woman famous for lines like “I don’t care if you think I’m racist, I just want you to think I’m thin,” is not only hilarious, but also kind of on the top of my previously non-existent list of celebrities I’d actually want to spend time with.

On the Stern Show (September 23), real role model and imaginary bestie Silverman managed to transform stories on superficial things like dating Michael Sheen, showering under her mother’s bush and vape pens into hilarious well-worded wisdom on aging and body image.

On her infamous, random Emmys speech:

I’m always obsessed with the thought that we are hurling through space right now.

Getting older:

I’m in training for the rest of my life to be able to walk without pain. I just want to be healthy.

My skin is the loosest it’s ever been, and it’s only gonna get looser.

Her scene in Masters of Sex, starring boyfriend Michael Sheen:

Ever since I turned 40 I’ve been naked in things. It’s just a human body and I just kind of am over it.

Sheen’s ex-wife, Kate Beckinsale:

You know what, it’s more like ‘Oh my God, look at all these beautiful women and he loves ME.

He and Kate are like brother and sister. I love her, she’s hilarious.


Marijuana vs. Alcohol:

People made a really big deal about it, and I feel like in a few years it won’t be a big deal. Listen, I think of myself as a stoner but the truth is, I’m a total lightweight. I’ll have a puff or two puffs at the end of the night and it’s so funny that’s such a big deal because I’m literally milling around with drunk terrifying people. Drunk people are so scary to me. I don’t even want to make eye contact with them, it’s trouble. They’re trouble. If you look at them the wrong way all their fears come to the surface. You know when drunk people go ‘Oh you think you’re better than me?’ and it’s like, ‘No, that’s what you feel and it’s coming out,’ you know?

I’m not someone who’s like, gonna crusade to legalize pot. It’s not important enough to me, but it is ridiculous. It should be legal. All that shit should be legal.

Continue reading “Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water”

Driver Who Left Tracy Morgan and Ardie Fuqua in Critical Condition Identified, Charged

Tracy Morgan Performs At Seminole Casino Coconut CreekThe driver of a Walmart truck on the New Jersey Turnpike who rear-ended a limo bus full of comedians on Saturday is being held on 1 count of death by auto and 4 counts of assault by auto.

James McNair, 63, a known to some as “Jimmy Mack” or “Uncle Jimmy Mack” was pronounced dead in a wreck that involved 6 other vehicles, leaving Tracy Morgan, his opening act, Ardie Fuqua, and their tour manager in critical condition. Fellow opener Harris Stanton left the hospital and is home safe.

Kevin Roper, the man responsible for the accident’s bail has been set to $50,000 and faces 5 to 10 years in jail if recklessness – likely in the form of sleep deprivation – is proven.

I know everyone is praying very hard for Tracy Morgan, but I’d like to urge you all to direct equal attention to his lesser-known companions. Not much is known about their tour manager, but Fuqua has already lived through a serious tragedy.  Continue reading “Driver Who Left Tracy Morgan and Ardie Fuqua in Critical Condition Identified, Charged”

Amy Schumer is Blowing the F*ck Up

Amy Schumer has been all over the place lately. It wasn’t after I found out that the show she’d been gifted by Comedy Central, Inside Amy Schumer, had exceptionally good ratings, or when a story she told that seemed to only be about a drunken college encounter with a man who basically fell asleep with his head inside her vagina turned into a surprisingly empowering speech about self-worth made her a headline on every pop culture website, OR even when I heard that she had written a movie with the help of non-other than Judd Apatow that I realized how famous she’d become…

It took my brother uttering her name at an early Mother’s Day celebration dinner for me to finally understand exactly how gigantically popular and successful Amy Schumer is. I can’t even escape Schumer when I’m spending time with my Mom and brother, two of the most outdoorsy, least TV-watching people who have always cared more about dehydrating papayas and getting a good deal at Goodwill than celebrities.

Continue reading “Amy Schumer is Blowing the F*ck Up”

The Three Newest Additions To ‘Saturday Night Live,’ Tim Robinson, Aidy Bryant & Cecily Strong

Three new cast members are joining Kate Mckinnon (introduced April 7th, hilariously portrayed Helga Handler) on Saturday Night Live‘s season 38 premiering September 15th.

Chicago comedians Aidy Bryant and Tim Robinson (pictured left) and Cecily Strong (below) have big shoes to fill.

With Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg and Abby Elliott (Paul Brittain too, but who cares) absent, there’s always the possibility of remaining funny people like Vanessa Bayer, Bobby Moynihan, and Nasim Pedrad getting more screen time.  Continue reading “The Three Newest Additions To ‘Saturday Night Live,’ Tim Robinson, Aidy Bryant & Cecily Strong”

Women Don’t Surpass Adam Carolla’s Overwhelming Comedy Standards

Adam Carolla came under fire for an interview with the New York Post where he said that women writers and women in general are, as a rule, less funny than men.

“They make you hire a certain number of chicks, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.”

If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, ‘Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”

He said he wasn’t worried about reactions to his comments, that:  Continue reading “Women Don’t Surpass Adam Carolla’s Overwhelming Comedy Standards”