Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head

aaron paul xbox memeAaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman on Breaking Bad) lives on in crappy car movies, random interviews and televised commercials for Xbox One. Commercials where he utilizes voice commands like “Xbox on,” that are causing consoles across America to power up without their owner’s consent.

“Hey Aaron Paul, please stop messing with my Xbox,” seemed to be the sentiment of most.

Such first world/white male problems. “OH NO, this expensive flat box with the sound and moving pictures is making this other expensive, less flat box beep every time I reach for the bowl of artisan sea salt popcorn resting on my sectional leather sofa…

…I’m totally going to go on a killing spree now and cite this as the ‘reason.'”  Continue reading “Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head”

Funny Video: Peyton and Eli Manning – “Football On Your Phone” Rap

Derpy quarterback bro duo Eli Manning and Peyton Manning filmed a pretty great commercial for DirecTV called “Football On Your Phone” looking like one anti-swag Dana Carvey and one hair clone of Alice from the Brady Bunch both mastering Mr. Potatohead face.

“Look at this guy using his phone as a phone. Your phone ain’t for calling, your phone is for football.”
Eli Peyton gif football on your phone

Biracial Cheerios Commercial Trolls Get Awesome Response Video

little girl from the cheerios commercialThe best way to watch the new Cheerios commercial is without knowledge of the so-called controversy surrounding it. If you’re a reasonably educated liberal, the ad serves as an example of how far we’ve come since the mid 1960s, when interracial marriage was illegal in deep-south states like Mississippi and Georgia. You may not even notice that the parents are not the same color.

Many people who did notice were probably reminded of the hundreds of commercials featuring non-biracial Asian, black, white and Hispanic couples (plus silly, overly inclusive Army and college brochures) and found it refreshing. “It’s about time” seems like an appropriate thought.

Sadly, this country is full of moron bigots who love to hate people who are different and/or happier.

Continue reading “Biracial Cheerios Commercial Trolls Get Awesome Response Video”

Amazon Puts Gay Married Couple in Kindle Paperwhite Commercial

Gay Kindle adToday, during that educational show about Armenian mating rituals, my teeth almost fell out of my face when I saw the new Kindle ad with a surprise ending.

A man and a woman on an iPad and a Paperwhite are reading by the beach in a tropical location…

The man expresses frustration at not being able to see due to the glare on his device (this is the boring part), so the woman explains that the built-in light in her Kindle is oh so wonderful, even in the sun. Then he’s like, “I just spent over $100, let’s celebrate…”  Continue reading “Amazon Puts Gay Married Couple in Kindle Paperwhite Commercial”

Thanks to GoDaddy, Average Joes Think They Have a Chance With Bar Refaeli

Bar Refaeli nerd kiss After her GoDaddy ad with beta male Jesse Heiman, international supermodel and former DiCaprio arm candy Bar Refaeli is being accosted by some very unspecial men.

The day after her commercial was televised for 108 million viewers during the Super Bowl, she posted a photo of herself from inside a car. Moments later, she was flooded with messages that had nothing to do with cars and everything to do with them scoring with her.

From Instagram user @pcagent: “if godaddy can rent a hot steamy kiss from you then the only other question I have? what else is on the menu :)”  Continue reading “Thanks to GoDaddy, Average Joes Think They Have a Chance With Bar Refaeli”

Trailer(s): Fast & Furious 6, Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness

During the Super Bowl, which you only missed if you’re a character from Jules Verne’s A Journey to the Center of the Earth, we saw new trailers for three summer blockbusters.

From Justin Lin (also behind Tokyo Drift and Fast Five) we have Vin Diesel and Paul Walker back in Fast & Furious 6, also starring The Rock and Michelle Rodriguez in recruitment and ghost mode.

Continue reading “Trailer(s): Fast & Furious 6, Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-08-12]

Acer laptop commercial has Megan Fox saving lobsters and talking to dolphins. (Kotaku)

Nicolas Cage has TWELVE films scheduled for 2013. (Grouchy Muffin)

Brother of Modern Family star says abuse allegations against his mother are bogus. (Us Weekly)

Lamar Odom still thinks he’s a Laker, not a Clipper. (Yahoo!)

Representative Gabrielle Giffords’ shooter gets seven life sentences. (TMZ)

Rihanna’s butt is on display because she wants it to be. (Evil Beet)

Oh nevermind. Miley Cyrus is only having one wedding, not 47. (Celebuzz)

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s new movie trailer for The Last Stand is here. (ohmyGAHH!)

A Siri I Can Get On Board With…

In a new video, New York film student Matt Binder decided to channel his hatred for the Apple iPhone 4S commercial with the jerky teenage slavemaster who demands to be addressed as “rock god.”

The fixed version of the video features an unbridled Siri telling him to get a haircut, suggesting that Baha Men are suited to his tastes and saying, “Fuck you. Your band sucks. OK?”

I reached out to Binder for more info and he told me, “As a fan of Apple products, it was shocking to see such a commercial come from them. The kid is trying to learn guitar in the beginning of the commercial, plays to a few friends in a garage, and asks to be called ‘Rock God’ in all of 30 seconds.”

Continue reading “A Siri I Can Get On Board With…”

‘Welcome To Megan Fox Island’

Yeahh Megan Fox is in a new foreign commercial with none other than Mike Tyson, but don’t worry, they’re never onscreen at the same time, Megan’s earlobes and cavelady thumbs are intact.

The ad is for CCAA, a Brazilian school that has hopes of implementing universal education of the English language. It features two dudes who find themselves in a mysterious water-surrounded land covered in multiple Megan Foxes, thus “Megan Fox Island.”

When she finds out they don’t speak English she and her clones echo the words “oh no,” catch them in a net and ship them somewhere else… Continue reading “‘Welcome To Megan Fox Island’”

Clive Owen’s Spanish Burger King Commercial

Yeahhh, Clive Owen is promoting Burger King in a new dubbed commercial that is neither funny enough or serious enough. It’s not shocking in any way shape or form that Owen, a respected actor, would appear in a silly foreign commercial.

Jennifer Aniston, Leonardo DiCaprio, Bruce Willis, Nicholas Cage, and Meg Ryan have all done it, whether it was Heineken, handheld gaming devices or energy drinks. I just don’t understand if this ad is going to air in America or Mexico or South America or Spain or what? There is no information on this, and I am very upset.

Continue reading “Clive Owen’s Spanish Burger King Commercial”

Kohl’s Utilizes Rebecca Black For Holiday Sales

I always fear going to the orthodontist. Lately it’s because they seem to not know how to control their tiny power tools, either that or their hands are just too big, because they are constantly cutting my cheeks. By accident, mind you, this isn’t a Corbin Bernsen horror movie.

Today was different, I expected blood and gore and got Christmas music. On repeat. Oh and I heard a Kohl’s commercial, in between “White Christmas” and “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” for their new advertising campaign featuring Rebecca Black. Well a version of her viral hit “Friday.”

Continue reading “Kohl’s Utilizes Rebecca Black For Holiday Sales”

Method Man’s Sour Patch Kids Gone Wild Video

Method Man made a shamelessly horrible music video/commercial for the gummy candies Sour Patch Kids, you know the ones that aren’t necessarily that sour but numb your tongue after awhile from all the phosphoric acid and BHT?

Well, Method man wants us all to know that when you don’t eat Sour Patch Kids they run rampant by coming to life and pulling crazy pranks of people. Apparently they’ll throw bleach on your laundry” and “unfold your origami…”

Continue reading “Method Man’s Sour Patch Kids Gone Wild Video”

Wendy Thomas Named ‘Hot ‘N Juicy’ Burger After Her Dad

Wendy Thomas, forever frozen in time as the famous freckled namesake and mascot of the fast food chain Wendy’s, is in a new advertisement for the restaurant.

An ad where she explains that their newest menu item is named after her father, who passed away in 2002.

Her dad, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s, is being honored now with the 810 calorie “Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy” cheeseburger that boasts the “thickest, hottest, juiciest beef ever…”

Continue reading “Wendy Thomas Named ‘Hot ‘N Juicy’ Burger After Her Dad”