Nobody Smiles More Than Nicole Richie Being Walked Like a Dog by Britney Spears

Nicole Richie leash Britney spearsTwo of my great guilty pleasure loves are Britney Spears and also The Simple Life, specifically Nicole Richie because she was kind of a looney tune, but a conscious looney tune who didn’t give a crap about anything but getting high and saying made-up words in a chipmunk voice.

Britney Spears is my favorite because every song she makes sounds like porn.

Die-hard-fan-since-age-15 Richie recently visited The Tonight Show to talk about the she went to Vegas to see Britney and her dancers put a harness on her, brought her on stage and handed her leash to Britney, who proceeded to walk her like a dog and how it was the best moment of her life, better even than her wedding to that guy with a fedora glued to his head. 

Read: Crosby, Stills, Nash, and ‘Young’ Cover Iggy Azalea’s ‘Fancy’ on ‘Jimmy Fallon’

Justin Bieber Visits a Brothel, Stands Up Fans in Brazil

Justin Bieber in a sheetJustin Bieber can’t get no satisfaction since his seemingly permanent separation from Selena Gomez, who seems to have completely tainted his feelings for “real” women.

Since visiting a strip club late last month, failing miserably (in a white sheet) to exit from a brothel in Brazil incognito, Bieber was most recently hit in the face with a water bottle during a concert. The boy disliked the sudden feel of plastic on his perfectly moisturized face, and ran off without returning to finish his set.

This is a simple case of neglect by his mother. All the kid really needs a blanket for his shoulders and a teddy bear that sings “if you want it, here it is, come and get it” when you pull a string in its back.

Toni Braxton’s Dress Fell Off, In The Back, And Stuff

Toni Braxton assIn ass news unrelated to big-assed Kim Kardashian calling Katie Couric a two-faced assclown assface, Toni Braxton had a gravity-defying moment of booty-showing bareness at a concert.

Remember her? People used to compare her to Whitney Houston even though she only had a few songs. Good ones, mind you, but it’s like everyone saying Lady Gaga is Madonna after one album or that Leona Lewis is Mariah Carey just because of “Bleeding Love.”

Toni B. sang “Unbreak My Heart,” “He Wasn’t Man Enough,” and “You’re Making Me High,” hits that allow her to continue to tour to this day. At one show this week in the not-so-fine state of New Jersey, Braxton’s completely fine backside backslid out of her dress for the world to see, causing an uproar in the audience and a good-natured smile and giggle from her.  Continue reading “Toni Braxton’s Dress Fell Off, In The Back, And Stuff”

Dave Matthews Pulls Classic Dave Move, Hitchhikes to Own Show

Dave Matthews hitchikerDave Matthews was out for a quick pre-show bike ride outside Hershey, PA on Saturday when he suffered a flat tire and didn’t have a cell phone to call for help.

Stranded on the side of the road, he was picked up by Emily Kraus and her boyfriend (who is apparently either nameless, or completely unimportant to every news outlet in existence).

But Kraus and Boyfriend aren’t just random locals who happened to drive by, they’re huge Dave Matthews fans who were en route to the same show he almost missed because he wanted to “be out in nature” and “disconnect from technology” and other Dave Matthews-ish stuff.

So he hopped in the car (on which bike racks had coincidentally just been installed) and the couple drove him right to his own show. He obviously didn’t get a chance to shower beforehand, but that’s probably nothing out of the ordinary.  Continue reading “Dave Matthews Pulls Classic Dave Move, Hitchhikes to Own Show”

Guy Flashes His D*ck at Kings Of Leon Show, Parties with Band the Next Day

naked guy kings of leonBritish guy Jimmy Doris now has a famous penis.

During a Kings of Leon show in Birmingham, England on Tuesday night, Jimmy stripped down–like really stripped down–and flopped his jimmy around for all the LG Arena to see. NSFW photo here. The Twittersphere was abuzz the next day, with fans tweeting pictures and gems like “Came for the show, stayed for the penis” and “All hail the guy who got stark naked, and respect for his mate who let his balls touch his neck.”

And my personal favorite, “Mental show, thanks. Great penis!!!”  Continue reading “Guy Flashes His D*ck at Kings Of Leon Show, Parties with Band the Next Day”

Rihanna is Late to Every Concert, Makes Up For it With Lap Dances

Rihanna asleep onstageRihanna’s Diamonds World Tour has been riddled with lateness, lip-syncing and general laziness reportedly due to extra-hard booze consumption stemming from the Chris Brown breakup.

On May 6, Rihanna was booed in Boston after she took the stage nearly two hours late.

Ms. BarbadoClownTastic didn’t show up on time for Wednesday and Thursday’s shows (June 5 and 6) in Antwerp, Beligum, and when she did finally take the stage [fans on Twitter said] she was bobbing around like a sleepwalker in a drugged-up haze, barely singing to the backing track. From Radar Online:

Music critic Sasha Van Der Speeten of the Standaard titled her review, “Rihanna in a Bad Place.”

“There was a wall of reinforced concrete between Rihanna and the public at Sportpaleis,” she wrote. “The pop icon played almost two hours on autopilot. … It had the effect of a Valium overdose.”

Accusing the singer of lip-synching, she wrote that she only occasionally sang over a backing track. “Just some words. Shameless, careless,” she claimed. “How f*cking lazy and complacent can you get?”

The only non half-assed part of the two-day event seemed to be a super raunchy lap dance bestowed upon a random audience member. In the dance, seen below, RiRi pounds a dudes balls with her crotch, puts his hand on her boob and disappears from the frame, presumably to finish the job.

Read: Rihanna On A Break? Singer May Take Time Off After ‘Diamonds’ Tour

Beyonce’s Weave Attacked at Serbian Concert

Beyonce hair pulled by fans in Serbia Beyonce was pushed and shoved like a Croat prison bitch in Belgrade, Serbia on April 15 at Kombank Arena. (The exact place she debuted those wonderful golden sandcastle nipples.)

Fans, if you want to call them that, grabbed at her weave, ping-ponging her between the aisles in a scary moment captured by a concert bystander. Bey’s bodyguard appears to do little to remedy the situation.

Aaron Carter Fan Photobombs Fellow Fan With Epic Sour Face

Aaron Carter upset fan Breaking news: Aaron Carter has fans. Still.

At a concert in Louisville at Phoenix Hill Tavern, Carter brought a woman who willingly bought tickets to see him on stage to wish her a happy birthday. Now check out the jealous chick in the front row, on the left.

That’s the face I make when my boyfriend cooks brussel sprouts in the microwave and the opposite of the face I make when I think about how I was never into Aaron Carter and his shameful cover of “I Want Candy.”

The lemon-lipped girl who also willingly bought tickets to see Nick Carter’s little bro in concert wrote a special message in the comments section of the photo that was posted to the singer’s Instagram.

I’m the girl on the left looking pissed! Haha I wasn’t pissed I was SO happy!!  Continue reading “Aaron Carter Fan Photobombs Fellow Fan With Epic Sour Face”

Concert Nearly Cancelled After Extreme Winds Blow Cigarette Smoke into Madonna’s Face

Madonna Chile 2012 1Madonna threatened to cancel a concert in Santiago, Chile on a rainy Wednesday night if fans at the sound check continued blowing cigarette smoke in her face.

“If you’re going to smoke cigarettes, I’m not doing a show,” she screeched as cracks permeated through her skin like the ground after an earthquake. “You don’t care about me? I don’t care about you. All right? Are we going to play that game? I’m not kidding. I can’t sing if you smoke.”

The most frightening part was when Vag Donna, in a menacing black hoodie, said “WHERE ARE THEY SMOKING?” as she tried to seek out and punish the fag-loving Chileans. Continue reading “Concert Nearly Cancelled After Extreme Winds Blow Cigarette Smoke into Madonna’s Face”

Pretty Woman Kanye West Rocks a Leather Skirt

Kanye west leather skirtSometimes natural disasters are unfairly given female names, and other times, men who I dislike almost redeem themselves by wearing women’s clothing.

Takes a brave man to wear a kilt, let alone a leather Givenchy  skirt and leggings combo, but Kanye West did it, and Kim Kardashian, Jared Leto and I are all proud.

“OK, I admit it. I let Kanye borrow my skirt,” Leto wrote after Kanye performed “Gold Digger” and “Touch the Sky” at the 12-12-12 Hurricane Sandy benefit concert.

Blink and you’ll forget Kim’s reaction (“He looks so cute!”) and the brand new “KanyesSkirt” Twitter account.

Madonna Forgives Elton John, Calls Him ‘A Big Fan’ Of Hers

Madonna is “forgiving” Elton John for calling her a nightmarish fairground stripper cunt, mostly because she simply cannot believe that anyone could ever hate her.

Ms. Ciccone dedicated the song “Masterpiece” to her former friend at a concert in France on Tuesday night. She told the crowd,

“I know he’s a big fan of it. And I know he’s a big fan of mine. And you know? I forgive him. Gotta start somewhere.”

If you didn’t already know, dedicating the track that won Best Original Song at the Golden Globes over John’s Gnomeo and Juliet contribution to him is yet another not-so sly uppercut to the face of anyone who stands in her way.  Continue reading “Madonna Forgives Elton John, Calls Him ‘A Big Fan’ Of Hers”

I Don’t Know Who Cher Lloyd Is, But I Doubt She Deserves To Be Pelted With Bottles Of Urine

I hear the name “Cher Lloyd” all the time, mostly when I used to read Perez. Cher Lloyd this and Cher Lloyd that. I know what she looks like, I think she has brown hair.

Cher Lloyd Webber, Christopher Lloyd X Factor so-an-so performed at England’s V Fest August 19 and was not greeted with conventional applause and cheers.

Instead, she was booed and pelted with bottles. Specifically, bottles full of urine. “It’s hard enough being up here, but it’s not nice having bottles of piss chucked at you,” she told the crowd. She later clarified the situation via Twitter writing:  Continue reading “I Don’t Know Who Cher Lloyd Is, But I Doubt She Deserves To Be Pelted With Bottles Of Urine”

Kanye, Courtney, Axl – Biggest Concert Divas Of 2012

Courtney Love kicked off the festivities of awkward concert behavior at the Sao Paolo Music and Arts Festival in mid November when she screamed and stripped after a fan held up a photo of Kurt Cobain.

Fast forward to December and we hear that Tyler, The Creator vandalized a soundboard and incited a riot at the legendary Roxy on Sunset Blvd though he’s not headline-worthy in my mind.  Continue reading “Kanye, Courtney, Axl – Biggest Concert Divas Of 2012”

Michael Jackson Tribute Concert Concludes In Wales

Prince Jackson, Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo

Yesterday marked the date of the long-awaited “Michael Forever” tribute concert which has been criticized for its terrible timing (amidst Conrad Murray trial) Janet Jackson voiced her concern and reason for not appearing:

“Because of the trial, the timing of this tribute to our brother would be too difficult for me…”

Continue reading “Michael Jackson Tribute Concert Concludes In Wales”

10 Bands That Suck Live

1. Fall Out Boy. ANY performance on Youtube of these now-defunct emo-pop rockers will prove to you that Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz should be called fall-apart-live-boy. It’s an open-ended nightmare of out-of-breath singing accompanied by mediocre guitar playing, out of sync bass and incomprehensibly bad drumming. I’ve literally seen little girls beating on buckets with spoons that sound better.

2. The Black Eyed Peas. Besides the fact that none of the four members do anything on stage except jump into the air and slap their hands together like those cymbal-banging monkey toys, Fergie’s range is horribly halted. Just check out their Superbowl performance. It’s a tragedy.

3. Ke$ha. It was proven to me finally on SNL that Ke$ha is mind-blowingly embaressing on stage. She lacks all of the charisma you experience when listening to her on CD, the robotic voice, the energy, it’s all gone in concert. All you’re left with is a blonde lion standing on stage in a spandex bodysuit that glows in the dark. Throw in some strobe lights for bad measure. It’s still not worth $60 dollars.

4. Blondie. The fact that some of the most memorable, most sampled songs belong to this iconic 80’s band doesn’t negate the fact that Deborah Harry cannot sing live, or that the band sounds looser than Octomom’s vagina. The songs “Call Me,” “One Way Or Another” and “Heart Of Glass” all play out like some above average cover band that you could see for free in a summer concert series in your local park (This is what happens when you sleep with your entire band, Debbie, no one can focus).

5. No Doubt. I love No Doubt and Gwen Stefani as much as the next person. The band is talented and so is Gwen but her live singing is really bubbly and awkward at times. She changes the whole original flow of the songs by “rapping” certain parts. In the end No Doubt disappoints in concert because you just expect so much more. Gwen needs to stop doing push-ups and focus on vocalizing.

Continue reading “10 Bands That Suck Live”

Taylor Swift’s Exes Still Go To Her Concerts

Taylor Swift must be even more classy and magnetizing than we all thought, because both Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas have been spotted at her concerts lately.

Joe was actually at two different Swifty concerts in L.A., once on August 28 (Sunday) after he showed his grizzly face at the VMAs and then again on September 1.

She also gave a shout-out before her song “Back To December” to her ex Taylor Lautner, who was also in the audience with Joe Jonas, on Sunday the 28th!

She even gave Taylor Jacob Wolfpants Lautner a hug after the show! (below)

Guess who else was there? Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal’s ex. (Who Taylor ALSO dated)

Continue reading “Taylor Swift’s Exes Still Go To Her Concerts”

Band Profile: Nico Vega

When you see Nico Vega in concert you forget that they’re not the biggest band in the world. You forget that you’re encompassed in a crowd of under two hundred people.

You feel that you are hearing Led Zeppelin’s guitar and Nirvana’s drums, while witnessing Janis Joplin’s stage presence.

After seeing almost all my favorite bands/artists in concert, the big names, and small – everyone from The Foo Fighters to The Killers to Lady Gaga to Sonic Youth, I’ve come to the conclusion that Nico Vega is the best in concert.

Continue reading “Band Profile: Nico Vega”