Hugh Hefner marries 26-year-old runaway bride

Hugh and CrystalOn New Year’s Eve, PJ-wearing Crypt Keeper Hugh Hefner married Courtney Stodden’s Jesus, Crystal Harris.

In 2011 Crystal called off her wedding to Hef because she thought all that lube would be bad for her psoriasis. Being the business man that he was, Hef stuck a “Runaway Bride Edition” on her cover story as Crystal just happened to be featured on the cover that month.

The gold digger had also admitted on the Howard Stern show that sex with Hef lasted ‘like two seconds’, adding: ‘Then I was just over it. I just like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.’

What do you expect when you let an octogenarian into your vagina? That’s like saying, “I went to dinner with a Chinese guy but he was too into rice.”

Continue reading “Hugh Hefner marries 26-year-old runaway bride”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-1-13]

Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris wedding photosCrystal Harris killed one of Hef’s white peacocks to make her wedding dress. (Too Fab)

Happy New Year’s from the shared bed of Rihanna and Chris Brown. (ONTD!)

Snooki wants to lose more weight, make money and be a better person. (Celebuzz)

A list of everything that needs to happen for celebrities in 2013. (Evil Beet)

Hillary Clinton expected to make full recovery from blood clot. (Los Angeles Times)

Liam Gallagher talks Mumford & Sons, acoustic guitars, lentil soup and “nits.” (NME)

The latest movie ending Samuel L. Jackson rightfully dislikes is Lincoln. (Huffington Post)


Deja Hugh – Hefner To Marry Crystal Harris

Crystal Harris Hugh Hefner creepyHugh Hefner is having an especially dick-raising, money draining week. Not only is he hurting his back watching the help put up Christmas decorations around the mansion, he’s engaged to Crystal Harris for the second time!

Refresher – their first wedding was meant to occur in June of 2011 but Harris retreated in fear when Hef tweeted her a sexy photo what she thought was his wrinkled taint (it was really just of him winking).

Okay, so that’s not exactly what happened. No one knows Harris’ exact reason for bailing the first time. Could be the taint wink, could be that the prenup and will weren’t impressive enough.  Continue reading “Deja Hugh – Hefner To Marry Crystal Harris”