Tim Tebow Cut From Patriots For Sucking at Life

tebow patriotsFormer Gators and Jets maverick Tim Tebow has been cut from his current team, The New England Patriots because he completely failed to impress Bill Belichick with his chesticles and gay bar-friendly face.

The no-trick pony that somehow led the Broncos to the playoffs early last year was not chosen to even be a backup quarterback to the equally good looking and far more gifted Tom Brady.

“I would like to thank Mr. Kraft, Coach Belichick, Coach McDaniels and the entire Patriots organization for giving me the opportunity to be a part of such a classy organization,” Tebow wrote on Twitter. “I pray for nothing but the best for you all. I will remain in relentless pursuit of continuing my lifelong dream of being an NFL quarterback.”

Some other team will likely pick him up and drop him faster than a baby with a unibrow. I hear the Bengals need a few new cheerleaders…

Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself

'N sync vmasHere’s a funny one – Justin Timberlake commissioned a reunion show with N*SYNC…and then cut half of it.

JT reportedly reached out to the former band members and convinced them to do a reunion show at the VMAs on Sunday, as he would be accepting the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award and had a 15-minute performance time to work with.

Rumors began swirling last week that the band had something in the works, putting dangerous amounts of stress on 20-something-year-old girls across the country.

But when the band did their thing, the performance was met with a ton of disappointment. Probably because the band only performed one song. The set was originally intended to feature a full medley of N*SYNC hits, but JT reportedly kept cutting it back more and more, reducing it to the 2-minute quickie we saw on Sunday.  Continue reading “Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself”

Evelyn Lozada’s Post-Chad Johnson Headbutt Photos are a Brutal Reminder of a Growing Problem

Evelyn Lozada cutThere is no bright side to getting beat up by the person you love, but if there’s one thing we can learn from photos of famous women like Rihanna and regular ones like Tina Nash — the British mother who tragically said “I miss the world, I miss everything, I feel like a ghost,” after an attack by her boyfriend left her permanently blinded — it’s that domestic violence is a worldwide problem that needs constant attention.

Raising awareness and speaking out on the matter is the least we can do.

For instance, TMZ just released photos of Basketball Wives star Evelyn Lozada with a nasty injury following last year’s headbutt by her ex-husband, NFL star Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson.  Continue reading “Evelyn Lozada’s Post-Chad Johnson Headbutt Photos are a Brutal Reminder of a Growing Problem”

The Biggest Douche in Doucheville Cut Off His Pinky Finger

Jesse James finger Jesse James, the man famous for cheating on Sandra Bullock with nazi harlot Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, accidentally cut his pinky off today.

“My glove got caught into one of machines and took the finger off,” James told TMZ“They’re going to take a skin graft of the chunk of finger and then sew it back on.”

James, always the crowd-pleaser, posted three photos of his detached finger. (Click HERE and HERE.)

Good riddance. One down, ten to go. (It’s too bad his penis is unlikely to ever be near the chopping machine.)

I haven’t been this happy since Showtime cancelled Weeds. No. Not harsh enough. Since Gaddafi died? Hmm. Still not there. I think I need outside help.

Oh Drake, You Could’ve At Least Pretended To Beat Up Chris Brown To Make Me Happy

This morning was like Christmas, but if I forgot what day Christmas was (not unlikely) and was even more surprised to see my gift. That present came in the form of hearing that Drake‘s entourage beat up Chris Brown’s entourage over Rihanna in a NY club.

Then I read on TMZ that Drake’s rep is insisting that he wasn’t involved in the brawl, and that it was actually a fight between Chris and Drake’s friend, Philly rapper Meek Mill.

So much disappointment, but fortunately, Brown aka “Breezy” did get a nasty cut on his chin from all the bottles that were thrown. He tweeted a photo of it (which was later deleted) and wrote:  Continue reading “Oh Drake, You Could’ve At Least Pretended To Beat Up Chris Brown To Make Me Happy”