Amanda Bynes is Still Crazy and High as F*ck, Apparently

Amanda Bynes band aid faceAmanda Bynes is back at it! NY Daily News and TMZ have a video of Bynes doing a bizarre dance in front of her driver at a snooty clothing store on Wednesday before moving on to another snooty clothing store (Barney’s) to get a five-finger discount on a hat.

I repeat, “bizarre dance in front of her DRIVER,” which means she’s moved on from DUIs to petty theft!

Reports suggest that Amanda’s love for weed is to blame, as she was kicked out of fashion school for laughing out loud for no reason and was also seen “visibly high” and “painting her face with excessive amounts of makeup” at a restaurant. She also talks to trees.  Continue reading “Amanda Bynes is Still Crazy and High as F*ck, Apparently”

Video: Blood Orange – “You’re Not Good Enough”

Blood Orange, moniker of Dev Hynes – friend of Solange and Theophilus London – has a new video full of a style of dancing that I can only think to call candid.

He’s like Michael Jackson on downers, and even fresher than Hugh Jackman, T.I. and LL Cool J’s surprisingly fresh rendition of “The Music Man” at the Tonys.  Continue reading “Video: Blood Orange – “You’re Not Good Enough””

Vin Diesel IS NOT the Dancing Male Stripper of Your Dreams

Vin Diesel may look like he could pick you up and throw you against not just the wall but the ceiling and possibly Earth’s atmosphere and beyond, but his “moves” on the dance floor leave something to be desired.

Click to watch VD in soldier garb doing sex eyes for the camera, sway awkwardly and mouth the words to Katy Perry and Beyonce songs he’s not super familiar. Continue reading “Vin Diesel IS NOT the Dancing Male Stripper of Your Dreams”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-9-14]

Ellie goulding goodness gracious gifellie goulding dancing goodness gracious gif
Goodness Gracious great balls of fire, Ellie Goulding has a new music video. (Yahoo!)

Madonna‘s vault of controversial ideas is dried up, passes torch to drunk son. (Jezebel)

Selena Gomez didn’t have make-up sex with Justin Bieber in a trailer. (E! Online)

Demi Moore takes cougaring to new levels, beds 27-year-old drummer. (Daily News)

Oregon couple leaves waitress questionable envelope full of meth as tip. (Gawker)

Someone stole Lindsay Lohan’s laptop full o’ nudes! Or she “misplaced” it. (TMZ)

Fresh Prince writes touching tribute to Uncle Phil. R.I.P. James Avery. (Celebuzz)

Heather Locklear Comes Off a Tad Bitchy Talking About Her Non-Date With Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Heather Locklear 80s Heather Locklear came on Chelsea Lately last night to tell a few stories, including one semi-interesting one about how she hung out with Tom Cruise back in the day and was disturbed by his dance moves.

“It wasn’t really a date,” Locklear told Chelsea Handler. “We had auditioned for something together and he didn’t have any friends … I mean, not that he doesn’t have friends. Out here he doesn’t have friends.”

I’m guessing by the way she talks about him that he didn’t call her back or something, because what woman in their right mind wouldn’t sit on circa 1982 Tom Cruise’s face? Oh yeah, someone who married Richie Sambora after an eight ball and a handful of elephant tranquilizers.

“You know in Risky Business where he does that dance in his underwear and he does the splits?” she said. “We were dancing in a club and he went into that. He started doing the splits.”  Continue reading “Heather Locklear Comes Off a Tad Bitchy Talking About Her Non-Date With Tom Cruise”

Khal Drogo Does a Sexy Polynesian Mating Dance

Jason Momoa shakaIt’s time to stop wondering what Jason Momoa does in his spare time besides getting into bar fights (yes, that’s a real scar) and marrying Lisa Bonet. TMZ has the answer…

In a new video acquired by Harvey Levin and his team of widespread camera-fondlers, we see our favorite Game of Thrones barbarian being the perfect example of physical perfection on the beach in Auckland, NZ.

Sadly, he’s not actually doing a mating dance. But it is a war dance now used by rugby players to intimate their opponents. And you know what happens after war. And rugby. (Shower sex?)

According to Wiki, the Haka is a traditional ancestral dance from the Māori people of New Zealand using the hands, arms legs, feet, eyes, voice and tongue to express courage.  Continue reading “Khal Drogo Does a Sexy Polynesian Mating Dance”

Video: Ke$ha – “Die Young”

I just realized that I’ve never really seen Ke$ha dance before now. I’ve seen her fall down and dance her way back up, Hilton Gangbang Style in “Tik Tok,” but never a full routine.

And “Die Young” (which I legit love) has that! A Ke$ha dance routine. She’s probably done it before, but my mind is pretty swissy right now/always, so forgive me.  Continue reading “Video: Ke$ha – “Die Young””

Forget That She’s A Zumba Madam, Alexis Wright Sucks At Dancing

Hold the phone. The madam who sold her Zumba class attendees’ bodies to men behind and in her studio is not very good at dancing. After several NSFW videos of Alexis Wright were posted on Gawker, one commenter wrote:

“Jesus this woman is a mess. She’s a really bad dancer. I definitely wouldn’t take Zumba from her. Also, hearing people dirty talk to themselves is so awkward. “Oh, fuck me in the ass.” Lady, I know you’re alone. Cut out the shenanigans and just masturbate. Lastly, you shouldn’t ever put food in your vagina, especially a popsicle. Its disgusting and you’ll get an infection. I can tell those moans aren’t from pleasure, they’re grimaces because she put a fucking frozen juice stick inside of herself.”  Continue reading “Forget That She’s A Zumba Madam, Alexis Wright Sucks At Dancing”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [10-15-12]

Pregnant Shakira is dancing up a storm in Azerbaijan. (ohmyGAHH!)

Dane Cook‘s cancelled, unaired show on NBC was pins-in-eyeballs bad. (Gawker)

Cleveland Browns fan dunked his head in piss for $450 dollars. (Deadspin)

Lindsay Lohan will sit down with Baba Wawa. (TMZ)

A “disgusting” casting director threw young Susan Sarandon on a desk. (Radar)

Chris Brown is recording Rihanna‘s sex noises? (ONTD!)

Employee at Bumblebee tuna factory boiled to death in steamer machine. (KTLA)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [10-1-12]

Bengals’ defensive tackle Domata Peko dances Gangnam Style after sack. (Deadspin)

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are still legally married? (In Touch)

Lohan rep Steve Honig finds dropped assault charges “distressing” and “outrageous.” (Inquisitr)

Zac Efron used to be a gap-toothed troll. (ohmyGAHH!)

Handicapped parking culprit January Jones spotted. (Evil Beet)

Drew Barrymore had a baby too (cause everyone else did) (Celebuzz)

American Idol singer blasted for being hit on by married country star Jason Aldean? (TMZ)

Maria Sharapova supports grunting ban in tennis, even though she’s the loudest. (CS Monitor)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Spoofs ‘Magic Mike’

Tumblr is lighting up with GIFs of Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s second visit to NBC Studios for Saturday Night Live because of a half-naked tribute to Magic Mike.

“You know what my favorite superhero movie of the summer was? Magic Mike. I’m serious, my friend Channing Tatum was so good in that…”  Continue reading “Joseph Gordon-Levitt Spoofs ‘Magic Mike’”

Alec Baldwin Married A Yoga Instructor

On Saturday Alec Baldwin Married his Spanish girlfriend of a year, 26-year-old yoga and dance instructor Hilaria Thomas at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in New York with Woody Allen, Tina Fey, and crazy Stephen and Billy Baldwin in the crowd.

It’s good that he’s with someone who I assume is centered and peaceful but apparently she can’t downward face-dog him out of  attacking photographers and calling them ‘little girls.’

He punched the one paparazzi right after obtaining his marriage license in Manhattan while he was with her.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin Married A Yoga Instructor”

Rihanna Fans Her Clam, Seduces Jonathan Ross

Rihanna visited The Jonathan Ross Show in London, performing one of my favorite Talk That Talk tracks. It was especially wonderful when she waved her hand back and forth over the Barbados family jewels, to remind us of their existence.

Later, she squat-marks her territory until Ross is drawn out of his chair in an awkward sex trance.

Watch the not-so-elusive Caribbean puma stalk its prey, using highly effective vision and sense of hearing to effectively ambush a timid British talk show host.

Continue reading “Rihanna Fans Her Clam, Seduces Jonathan Ross”

Michael Kenneth Williams Teaches Candace Bailey To Dance

Thursday on Attack Of The Show, Michael Kenneth Williams formerly “Omar” on The Wire came on the show to talk about his character on the second season of Boardwalk Empire and also to teach host Candace Bailey his dance moves.

I know it doesn’t SOUND like a big deal, but it was actually extremely cute watching the two busting out their moves.

Candace with her white girl monkey arms (I suffer from the same affliction) and Williams, 44 years-old and as youthful as ever.

Williams described himself as a former “club kid” of New York city, and said he was lucky enough to tour as a dancer for Crystal Waters, Technotronic and CeCe Peniston. (Fast-forward to the 4:44 mark, for the adorable smile-worthy dancing bit)

Continue reading “Michael Kenneth Williams Teaches Candace Bailey To Dance”

So This Is That Dubstep Stuff People Keep Talking About?

I love Shirley Manson (of Garbage fame) so when she posted a video on her Facebook and called it “video of the year” with a bunch of exclamation points, I was inclined to check it out.

I realized it was by this Skrillex dude that Spin put on their “Dance Issue” cover. He’s bald but simultaneously has long hair, making him the hairiest bald man since Michael Bolton and crazy Bryan Cranston on Breaking Bad.

I know the name “dubstep” is putting people off, but It’s really just bizarre/random/cinematic electronic music. Some of it is awful and some of it is good. Same goes for pop, rap and rock…

Continue reading “So This Is That Dubstep Stuff People Keep Talking About?”

What Is Wrong With Cops These Days?

During the West Indian-American Carnival and Parade several members of the NYPD were filmed dry-hump dancing with some of the barely-dressed festival participant women.

However Commissioner Ray Kelly would rather not ‘make too much of it.’

He told reporters at a press conference after the incident occurred over Labor Day Weekend,

“I don’t want to make too much of it. You know, these young women approached the officers. They didn’t go out of their way to be approached like this.” 

Continue reading “What Is Wrong With Cops These Days?”

Disappointing Britney Spears VMA Tribute

Obviously I am not happy about the MTV Video Music Awards this year. So far I’ve been excited to see Rebecca Black dressed as a dinosaur, the Amy Winehouse tribute, Adele’s performance and Beavis & Butthead staring at Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass Bazoombas.

While I am happy that there was a tribute at all for Britney Spears and that she won the award for Best Pop Video for “Till The World Ends,” the tribute part of it was a huge letdown.

This year Britney (who looked very healthy/pretty) was presented the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award and a group of people got together to apparently, celebrate her history…

Continue reading “Disappointing Britney Spears VMA Tribute”