Heather Locklear Comes Off a Tad Bitchy Talking About Her Non-Date With Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Heather Locklear 80s Heather Locklear came on Chelsea Lately last night to tell a few stories, including one semi-interesting one about how she hung out with Tom Cruise back in the day and was disturbed by his dance moves.

“It wasn’t really a date,” Locklear told Chelsea Handler. “We had auditioned for something together and he didn’t have any friends … I mean, not that he doesn’t have friends. Out here he doesn’t have friends.”

I’m guessing by the way she talks about him that he didn’t call her back or something, because what woman in their right mind wouldn’t sit on circa 1982 Tom Cruise’s face? Oh yeah, someone who married Richie Sambora after an eight ball and a handful of elephant tranquilizers.

“You know in Risky Business where he does that dance in his underwear and he does the splits?” she said. “We were dancing in a club and he went into that. He started doing the splits.”  Continue reading “Heather Locklear Comes Off a Tad Bitchy Talking About Her Non-Date With Tom Cruise”

Charlie Sheen Says Farrah Abraham Has ‘Tranny Boobs’

farrah-abraham silicone implantsSooo you probably know about the subcategory of pond scum that Farrah Abraham belongs to?

First we have Amber Rose, Paris Hilton, Snooki, and Kim Kardashian. People who didn’t do much to become famous but are able to sell perfume or clothing because they made an inadvertent sex tape, dated someone famous or got punched on TV.

Then there are the Courtney Stodden and Tan Moms of the world. Octomom and that girl Pumpkin (a person) who spit on New York (a person) on Flavor of Love probably fit in here too.

Farrah Abraham, star of porn and Teen Mom, who probably calls the paparazzi before every inane coffee enema, tanning session or boob job and DEFINITELY leaks texts from people who are much more deserving of fame, is part of this subcategory.  Continue reading “Charlie Sheen Says Farrah Abraham Has ‘Tranny Boobs’”

Check Out Obama’s Groovy Hawaiian Prom Photo

Obama prom picture
Awww. Look at Barry in 1979 all decked out in a lei with his bottle poppin’ best friend and their dates.

With the help of the brunette on his left (Kelli Allman), Time Magazine released two photos of 17-year-old Obama at the dance in honor of the Millions of American teenagers who will go to prom this year.

The guy in the white pants (Greg Orme) was Barack’s basketball teammate at Punahou School in Honolulu and brother from another mother, according to Allman.  CLICK for bonus ’70s fun-time photo

First-Time Reporter Invites Mila Kunis to the Local Pub, Football Match and Chicken Restaurant

Chris Stark Mila KunisMila Kunis went easy on virginal BBC Radio 1 reporter Chris Stark during what must have been an otherwise exhausting and tedious day of promoting Oz the Great and Powerful. Kunis, who seemed quite cheery despite describing herself as “deathly ill,” spit back adorable sarcasm and genuine interest at each of her young interviewer’s non Oz-related remarks, which were not so much questions but statements.

On top of talking about watching Baywatch and getting naked at weddings, Stark invited Mila to the local bar for Jägerbombs and pints (she requested Blue Moon), later adding layers to the date that included the soccer team he supports (Watford Hornets) and a chicken restaurant called Nando’s.  Continue reading “First-Time Reporter Invites Mila Kunis to the Local Pub, Football Match and Chicken Restaurant”

Bloodthirsty Marc Anthony Takes Oblivious Young Girlfriend To Disneyland

Marc Anthony new girlfriend 44-year-old Marc Anthony took his new young girlfriend, 21-year-old Topshop heiress Chloe Green, to Disneyland this past week for their first public date.

He looks like a fun guy huh? I mean, especially fun at Disneyland, where Chloe likely had to go on all the rides with J-Lo’s twins and not Marc because of the weight limit.

How much heroin do you have do you have to do daily to stay at around 118 pounds, and when are people going to realize that the Chupacabra is not an elusive creature? Like Lestat in Queen of the Damned, Marc has exposed his supernatural abilities to the public without them even realizing it.  Continue reading “Bloodthirsty Marc Anthony Takes Oblivious Young Girlfriend To Disneyland”

Katie Couric Dodges Larry King Sex Bullet

Katie Couric Larry King kissFollowing Jennifer Lawrence’s lopsided boob story on Jimmy Kimmel, Katie Couric described her epic “date” with Larry King, who is 23 years her senior.

Katie, who was about 30 at the time, had dinner with Larry and noticed afterwards that he was driving towards his place and not hers.

“And I’m like, Dear Cosmo, what do I do?” Couric told Kimmel on Thursday, Jan. 31. “I’m in this crisis situation. I was only 30. I just could not figure out how to extricate myself from it.”

Back at his apartment, which was filled with coffins and other ancient relics, Larry “lunged” for a kiss, but was rejected by a laughing Katie, who kindly told him he was nice and interesting, but she would rather meet someone closer to her age.

Continue reading “Katie Couric Dodges Larry King Sex Bullet”

Lonely Bug-Eyed Pop Singer Seeks Rebound Vampire Friend For The End Of The World

The Sun is reporting (via multiple dreaded unnamed sources) that Robert Pattinson went out to dinner at Los Angeles hotspot Soho House with longtime friend Katy Perry, who is recently divorced and no longer seeing John o-face Mayer.

Perry’s glazed-over doll corneas and Pattinson’s heartbroken emo tears may equal true… lust, and much-needed (albeit weepy) companionship.

I’m pretty Aladeen positive that the person The Sun is getting their information from is either Beavis or Butthead. Katy’s twirling her hair and he’s suddenly over Kristen Stewart, memorized by her ample gingerbread bosom?  Continue reading “Lonely Bug-Eyed Pop Singer Seeks Rebound Vampire Friend For The End Of The World”

Taylor Swift’s G-Rated Date With A Kennedy

Taylor Swift has either suddenly become really good friends with Robert Jr.’s son Conor Kennedy, or they’re dating. They spent the entire weekend in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts and were photographed eating pizza together, laughing, and holding hands.

Sorry for the Disney-friendly nature of this story. I know you were expecting more news about Kristen Stewart banging old guys in Mini Coopers, but you’re out of luck. Taylor Swift drinking Coca-Cola on the beach with a Kennedy will have to suffice.

And what do we know about Conor Richardson besides that he’s the equivalent of American royalty? Well, the kid is 18 (looks 16), has curly hair, wears Hawaiian shorts and is cousin to Patrick Schwarzenegger, who Swift was linked to in early July. Continue reading “Taylor Swift’s G-Rated Date With A Kennedy”

Justin Bieber Rented Out Staples Center To Watch ‘Titanic’ With Selena

Justin Bieber gave us take a look into the mind and romantic gestures of a teenage millionaire when he rented out Staples Center in L.A. just to screen the saptastic classic James Cameron flick, Titanic.

Yes, the entire Staples Center, the multi-faceted venue where massive concerts take place, including some of Justin’s own. Oh and the Lakers play there too, no big deal…

Continue reading “Justin Bieber Rented Out Staples Center To Watch ‘Titanic’ With Selena”

Baseball Player Demands Mermaid Date

27 year-old Phillies outfielder John Mayberry is determined to catch himself a mermaid.

After Mayberry asked his agent to set him up on a date with Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 mermaid/model/actress Antoinette Nikprelaj a series of emails were leaked regarding the matter…

Continue reading “Baseball Player Demands Mermaid Date”

Garbage Album Done Recording In Three Weeks?

August 14, 2011 11:50 am Garbage posted a cryptic message on their Facebook page (above) a picture of Shirley Manson recording vocals, and the simple words,

“Three more weeks to go…”

Continue reading “Garbage Album Done Recording In Three Weeks?”