NJ Woman Tries To Give Her Offspring A Tan

The classiest people are always from Nutley, New Jersey. Case in point, a mother from there was charged for endangerment after putting her gingery daughter into a tanning booth, which resulted in a mild burn.

The accused is Patricia Krentcil, a 44 year-old raisin that was dropped in an exceptionally dirty all-night bonfire. She says she’s been visiting cancer-coal salons her life and that while she loves tanning, she never put her 6 year-old child in the booth.

Krentcil says the burn is from playing in the yard. Mhmmmm. Listen, I’m going to tell a short story… At my old apartment building there was this woman who visited the pool everyday. We called her “tan lady.”  Continue reading “NJ Woman Tries To Give Her Offspring A Tan”

Wayne Gretzky’s Daughter Is ‘The Wild One’

Poor Wayne Gretzky can’t catch a post-retirement break. He may be “The Great One” and the Michael Jordan of hockey but his stint as coach and part-owner of the Phoenix Coyotes didn’t exactly go as planned.

Now his party-girl daughter is causing all kinds of trouble.

23 year-old Paulina Gretzky has been boiling a pot of controversy on networking sites like Twitter and Instagram for posting bazillions of racy photos that all look like the “clean” shots for porn dvd case covers.

There’s actually one where she’s sitting spread eagle (in a bikini) next to what looks like a shirtless beach bum  and a female version of Skrillex.

Continue reading “Wayne Gretzky’s Daughter Is ‘The Wild One’”

Baby Photo Alert – Blue Ivy Not-So-Hard-Knock-Life Carter

The royal R&B baby reveal day is finally here, after, well, not that long. On a Tumblr page dedicated specifically to their daughter, Beyonce and Jay-Z wrote the message,

“We welcome you to share in our joy. Thank you for respecting our privacy during this beautiful time in our lives.”

So far, they’ve posted five pictures. Two of the baby with its thick quaife of Indian emo hair, one of its hand and one with each parent, both smiling.

Perhaps they know they just birthed a double diva baby, whose name they just filed to trademark, mostly to avoid other greedy bastards from capitalizing on the “Blue Ivy Carter” moniker. (Two applicants already attempted but were rightfully rejected)

Continue reading “Baby Photo Alert – Blue Ivy Not-So-Hard-Knock-Life Carter”

Pregnant Woman Jailed For Accidental Sandwich Thievery

A 28 year-old woman, Nicole Leszczynski and and her husband were arrested on Monday in Honolulu for accidentally walking out of a grocery store without paying for two sandwiches that were worth a total of five dollars.

The ridiculousness doesn’t stop there, not only were Nicole Leszczynski and her husband Marcin (a former Air Force sergeant) apprehended after they paid for $50 worth of groceries but their daughter was taken away by Child Welfare Services!

Continue reading “Pregnant Woman Jailed For Accidental Sandwich Thievery”