Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate

Denise Richards groceriesFrom the start of her career, Denise Richards was never exactly a full-figured woman, but lately she’s been looking like strips of elk jerky carelessly sewn onto bone.

Sort of a modern-day version of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of her arms, pressed from the weight of one of the many children in her care, fell onto the ground and disintegrated in a puff of celery-scented smoke.

I’m not saying she doesn’t eat, I’m just saying she doesn’t eat donuts. But that’s what she’d have us believe. Denise, extra on edge because of recent attention from the media, Tweeted a photo of one sprinkle-covered carb circle in hopes of changing opinions.  Continue reading “Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate”

10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’

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British men who aren’t Robert Pattinson voted Kristen Stewart the “least sexy actress” in Hollywood along with Lindsay Lohan, Uma Thurman, Sarah Jessica Parker and other unfortunate souls.

I’ve always thought Kristen Stewart was sexy in that dirty-pile-of-laundry, hang-you-from-the-ceiling-and-whip-you-with-butt-plugs type of way.

But clearly I’m not a man from England and my opinion is more meaningless than MenKind’s list.

Continue reading “10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’”

Baby Dracula Has Fully Drained Denise Richards

Denise Richards spends some quality family time with her daughters in Bel Air! Denise Richards took her three children out for some ice cream this weekend. Or two of them ate ice cream while the youngest, Eloise, feasted on what’s left of her mother’s circulatory system.

I’ve seen year-old French Bread that was softer than those withered limbs. Swing that thing the wrong way and it either disintegrates or takes someone’s eye out. It’s hard to tell without feeling it in the aquarium touch pool.

That kid she’s holding is a vampire with the worst kind of luck. The luck of living with a green drink-loving pilates master when all she needs is Honey Boo Boo’s mom.

The Original Triple-Breasted Hooker From ‘Total Recall’ Had ‘The Trots’

The woman who played the iconic triple-breasted hooker from Mars in the original Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told Vulture.com that she was not only teary-eyed during her iconic scene in the 1990 classic but had diarrhea, as well.

Lycia Naff, a well-known woman with a name few would recognize, revealed her embarrassment at having to wear prosthetics, how she wishes the new three-breasted woman in the inferior Colin Farrell version the best, her thoughts on Arnold, Star Trek, and working with Denise Richards on her reality show.

Being sick and nervous during Total Recall: “At the time, I had the trots [from eating bad food], and I was crying! [Laughs.] And I was embarrassed. I was so petrified when all the reality of it sunk in.”

Continue reading “The Original Triple-Breasted Hooker From ‘Total Recall’ Had ‘The Trots’”

Who Is Creepier, Denise Richards Or Her Unibrow Baby?

Yesterday Denise Richards, 40, Tweeted a picture of her with her new baby, Eloise, accompanied by the words “good morning,” and I must say it terrifies me.

I’m not saying Denise Richards or her baby are ugly (okay maybe it is, but that’s temporary) I am saying that this photo in particular is very bizarre.

You know what else is terrifying? Denise Richards has three daughters now, and still isn’t done poppin’ ’em out like a rusty Jurassic Park log ride…

Continue reading “Who Is Creepier, Denise Richards Or Her Unibrow Baby?”