Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate

Denise Richards groceriesFrom the start of her career, Denise Richards was never exactly a full-figured woman, but lately she’s been looking like strips of elk jerky carelessly sewn onto bone.

Sort of a modern-day version of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of her arms, pressed from the weight of one of the many children in her care, fell onto the ground and disintegrated in a puff of celery-scented smoke.

I’m not saying she doesn’t eat, I’m just saying she doesn’t eat donuts. But that’s what she’d have us believe. Denise, extra on edge because of recent attention from the media, Tweeted a photo of one sprinkle-covered carb circle in hopes of changing opinions.  Continue reading “Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate”

Katie Couric Dodges Larry King Sex Bullet

Katie Couric Larry King kissFollowing Jennifer Lawrence’s lopsided boob story on Jimmy Kimmel, Katie Couric described her epic “date” with Larry King, who is 23 years her senior.

Katie, who was about 30 at the time, had dinner with Larry and noticed afterwards that he was driving towards his place and not hers.

“And I’m like, Dear Cosmo, what do I do?” Couric told Kimmel on Thursday, Jan. 31. “I’m in this crisis situation. I was only 30. I just could not figure out how to extricate myself from it.”

Back at his apartment, which was filled with coffins and other ancient relics, Larry “lunged” for a kiss, but was rejected by a laughing Katie, who kindly told him he was nice and interesting, but she would rather meet someone closer to her age.

Continue reading “Katie Couric Dodges Larry King Sex Bullet”

Bieber Fails Miserably At Reconnecting With Selena G

Ahhh young, indecisive love. It’s been a week since the Biebs split with girlfriend of two years Selena Gomez and they’re meeting for dinner, already thinking about getting back together.

The high-profile duckling pop duo agreed to face each other for sushi at a restaurant in the valley but couldn’t get past ordering virgin sake.  Continue reading “Bieber Fails Miserably At Reconnecting With Selena G”

Lonely Bug-Eyed Pop Singer Seeks Rebound Vampire Friend For The End Of The World

The Sun is reporting (via multiple dreaded unnamed sources) that Robert Pattinson went out to dinner at Los Angeles hotspot Soho House with longtime friend Katy Perry, who is recently divorced and no longer seeing John o-face Mayer.

Perry’s glazed-over doll corneas and Pattinson’s heartbroken emo tears may equal true… lust, and much-needed (albeit weepy) companionship.

I’m pretty Aladeen positive that the person The Sun is getting their information from is either Beavis or Butthead. Katy’s twirling her hair and he’s suddenly over Kristen Stewart, memorized by her ample gingerbread bosom?  Continue reading “Lonely Bug-Eyed Pop Singer Seeks Rebound Vampire Friend For The End Of The World”

Don’t Look At This If Nipples Offend You

There are over four thousand species of mammals in the world and they all have one thing in common: nipples.

Lady Gaga is no exception, and she wants to make it known with this Christian Grey-approved ensemble that she wore out in Beverly Hills to dinner on Tuesday night.

You know you’re talking about a really unashamed person when you can’t remember how many times you’ve seen their areolas.

If this is your first time and you don’t believe that she’s shown them off before, here you go. Japanese Vogue, motherfucker.

Can you imagine being friends with her? Like, trying to tell her to tone it down…  Continue reading “Don’t Look At This If Nipples Offend You”