Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire

Courtney Stodden church clevage
Courtney Stodden, the young Playboy playmate that never was, has confirmed her separation from her actor husband Doug Hutchison, who she married when was just 16.

Stodden, 19, and Hutchinson, 53, say they remain “best friends” and will still share custody of their dog, Dourtney, despite moving on. From Us Weekly:

After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated,” Stodden, 19, and Hutchison, 53, said in a statement to the Daily Mail on Tuesday, Nov. 5. “Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence.”  Continue reading “Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire”

The Face Courtney Stodden Made After Her Boob Job: Priceless

Courtney Stodden wheelchair Courtney Stodden had her first ever cosmetic surgery over the weekend. (“First ever” is harder to type than “Justin Bieber doesn’t deserve to be thrown into an active volcano.”)

On the way out of the hospital following a procedure to expand her breasts and make her look more void of substance than hatchery-born salmon, 18-year-old Stodden finally looked her age.

It’s as if Doug Hutchison’s sole beneficiary had her teddy bear stolen. Or maybe she’s making that face because she finally got to take a break from tugging and slobbering on 53-year-old balls.

Speaking of balls, I have a few dick jokes I like to pester assholes who tell me to make them sandwiches on Xbox Live with. Mind if I test some of them out on you?  Continue reading “The Face Courtney Stodden Made After Her Boob Job: Priceless”

Courtney Stodden Takes Auto-Tune All The Way in ‘Reality’

Courtney Stodden Reality still In the new music video for her first official single “Reality,” Courtney Stodden makes out with a James Spader knockoff and hires Lady Gaga’s egg guys to carry her around like a dead Egyptian queen during a burial ceremony.

The whole project was likely funded using money Courtney found under her husband‘s do-rag. But how much can it really cost to turn up the auto-tune to a screechy 10 every time she says “Control” while writhing around on a pile of half-chewed lollipops?

I’m thinking she paid off the entire cast and crew with porta potty sex, all the while lecturing them about her lack of plastic surgery. “I’m as natural as a Ball Park hotdog,” she’d say.  Continue reading “Courtney Stodden Takes Auto-Tune All The Way in ‘Reality’”