Underage Justin Bieber Grabs a Beer and a Handful of Texan Stripper Booty

justin bieber shirtless strip clubSome girls break free of their clean-cut image by wearing more revealing clothing and making risky non nun-approved career moves, but Justin Bieber isn’t like the other girls.

He breaks free by being completely topless in public, drinking Dos Equis and molesting exotic dancer sirloin.

Would he get girls (or boys) if he wasn’t famous? Yes, but not nearly as many.

Instead of being at some ultra-packed strip club in Texas, he’d be at the dive on the corner throwing quarters into the cheese-filled ass dimples of girls with nicknames like Buckwheat and Tiny.

I’m about to turn my own life around and open a really popular club in L.A. with a strict “no shirt, no service” policy for the sole satisfaction of rejecting Justin the second him and his goofball entourage catch wind of it just to prove that rules do in fact apply to them.

Read: Unbeliebable: 33-year-old Bieber fan has $100k of plastic surgery to look like his idol

Lindsay Lohan Caught Drinking Vodka in the Darkest Crevices of California

Lindsay Lohan in the mirror“Sources close to” Lindsay Lohan say she spent a large chunk of her week drinking in spite of just being ordered to go to rehab for being a dirty alcoholic by a judge in Los Angeles.

When they say the sources are close I think they are literally in her vicinity, and are in no way her friends, though I could be wrong. Anyway, some fellow winos claim to have spotted Lindsay pouring vodka into her gullet at AV Nightclub and her Beverly Hills hotel on Monday, then again on Saturday at FLUXX in San Diego.

The surprising part is obviously not that she’s drinking, but that she flew or drove two hours to San Diego for cocktails.  Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Caught Drinking Vodka in the Darkest Crevices of California”

Obama Thinks You Need To Be Drunk To Vote For Him

I know I’m just one of many people who have grown tired of Obama‘s youthful “I’m cool, please like me” antics. It would be fine if you all voted for him in 2004 because the thought of another Republican in the white house frightened you too much.

Instead, people my age and older voted for the FIRST TIME because they were overly inspired by the “Obama Hope” campaign. The t-shirts, the celebrity endorsements, the Decemberists (and many other bands) playing free concerts in his honor…  Continue reading “Obama Thinks You Need To Be Drunk To Vote For Him”

Daniel Radcliffe’s Alcoholic Harry Potter Antics

During his promotional tour for The Woman In Black, which, by the way, doesn’t have enough backstory for a movie with that title, Daniel Radcliffe admitted to being drunk during certain Harry Potter filming sessions.

During a sit down with Heat Magazine, the interviewer hinted that perhaps at his age it’s normal to drink too much, to which Radcliffe responded,

“People with problems like that are very adept at hiding it. It was bad. I don’t want to go into details but I drank a lot and it was daily – I mean nightly. I can honestly say I never drank at work on Harry Potter. I went into work still drunk, but I never drank at work.”

Continue reading “Daniel Radcliffe’s Alcoholic Harry Potter Antics”