Ellie Goulding And Taylor Swift Are Getting Drunk Together While Everyone Else Drinks Tea

Ellie Goulding Taylor Swift Selena Gomez HaimDancing Man fan Ellie Goulding (really loving “Outside” and “Heavy Crown” right now), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and members of the indie/rock group Haim had an epic all-celebrity girl tea party today, except someone wasn’t drinking tea.

Two someones, actually…

As you can see, Ellie and bestie/Taylor Swift, giggling in the corner and mowing down on some alcohol.

I wonder how Coke would feel about Taylor enjoying rum with their product?

Robin Thicke’s Recollection of ‘Blurred Lines’ is, Well, Pretty F*cking Blurry

Robin Thicke, the man famous for putting naked girls in a music video and grabbing butts other than his wife’s recently admitted that he was drunk and high on pills when his biggest song, “Blurred Lines” was being born in the studio. Also, he didn’t write it, but took credit anyway.

“I was high on vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio,” Thicke said during a court deposition deciding whether “Blurred Lines” is a white copy of a Marvin Gaye song. “I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”

Continue reading “Robin Thicke’s Recollection of ‘Blurred Lines’ is, Well, Pretty F*cking Blurry”

Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk

Michelle Rodriguez drunk Knicks game
Michelle Rodriguez and professional celebrity bestie/model Cara Delevingne seemed to be having an absolute blast at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday.

A blast whenever their eyes weren’t focused on the game, that is.
Michelle Rodriguez drunk
Judging by photos taken of the two at the game, Michelle and Cara got SUPER drunk and possibly high before the game and continued to drink while orange balls bounced past their half-open eyes.
Cara Delevingne michelle rodriguez
They kissed, blew smoke rings [with an e-cig], spaced out and took goofy selfies in case the paparazzi didn’t do their job and capture their complete disinterest in basketball.  Continue reading “Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk”

Lamar Odom Gets THREE YEARS OF PROBATION for Being an Irresponsible Drunk

Lamar Odom drivingRemember when Lamar Odom was arrested for driving in a slow but snakelike zig zag down the 101 under the influence of alcohol and God knows what else? (And by “God knows what else,” I mean crack.)

Well, on top of his license being revoked for most of 2014, he was just slapped with three whole years of probation for his little August joyride. This mostly due to Odom’s refusal to take a chemical test, which a California Highway Patrol officer told Radar is something “no one should ever do.”

Odom will also be forced to take an “alcohol education class,” because booze is bad mmkay.  Continue reading “Lamar Odom Gets THREE YEARS OF PROBATION for Being an Irresponsible Drunk”

Strawberry-Faced Blonde Erin Brockovich Wasn’t Drunk, She Was Hungry

Erin Brockovich mugshotPGE nemesis, consulting firm prez and Julia Roberts movie-inspirerer Erin Brockovich was arrested this past weekend for drunk driving her boat around Lake Mead in Las Vegas after Park & Wildlife officials noticed she was “struggling to dock her boat” a.k.a. ramming it repeatedly into the dock.

TMZ released Brockovich’s corresponding mug shot plus a statement where she explained that the sun and food deprivation were partially responsible for her OUI (operating under the influence) charge.

“I apologize for my actions Friday evening. After a day in the sun and with nothing to eat it appears that a couple of drinks had a greater impact than I had realized,” she said. “I take drunk driving very seriously, this was clearly a big mistake, I know better and I am very sorry.”

A couple of drinks?? She looks like she asphyxiated herself with zip ties and fell into a blender.
boat crash dubstep gif

Tiger Woods Acts a Fool, Turns Into Cross-Eyed Mongoloid With a Wine Cooler Addiction

Tiger Woods drunk faceProfessional ball-slapper Tiger Woods showed the world his drunk face during a Met Gala after-party at the Standard Hotel in New York.

Girlfriend/pro slope hitter Lindsey Vonn looked both amused and embarrassed as she led his wobbly baby deer legs and bouncing pinball eyes through the crowds of press and fellow celebs.

The succession of photos tell a story. First, he realizes he’s lost control of the muscles in his face and body and his last drunken resort is to not change his expression. Eyes and mouth open. Show some teeth. Maybe they won’t notice…

Then he gives up. Everyone knows he’s wasted. The bloodshot eyes and wax figure pose did more than hint at that. They’re onto me. JESUS Lindsey, get me home before Elin sees. 

Continue reading “Tiger Woods Acts a Fool, Turns Into Cross-Eyed Mongoloid With a Wine Cooler Addiction”

Lindsay Lohan Has Bruises All Over Her Legs

Lindsay Lohan bruisesWhile taking a dip in the waters of Brazil, Lindsay Lohan displayed some pretty large, above-the-knee bruises.

Let me explain this, in case you forgot what happens to your pain tolerance when you get sloshed on jungle juice… Drunk bitches fall hard because they don’t feel it.

Alcohol may ruin your vision, motor skills, and equilibrium, but it also turns you into Hulk, and Lindsay is no exception. Close your mouths and stop imagining that she’s being abused by Avi Snow or Max George or whoever she’s supposed to be dating now.

UNLESS one of them pushed her down the stairs without knowing that her “I’m pregnant” Tweet was a late April Fool’s joke. Here are some other photos of past and present damage: Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Has Bruises All Over Her Legs”

Funny Video: Justin Timberlake Plays Drunk Mini-Golf on The Jonathan Ross Show

First it was Justin Timberweek, then Timbermonth, now 2013 is officially Justin Timberyear! Yesterday, the internet continued the prince of pop’s reign of musical anti-terrorism with a video of his visit to The Jonathan Ross Show from last month, before SNL and his album’s release.

Charm and hilarity (and one Michael Caine impression) ensued when Ross pulled out a couple of shot glasses and a bottle of Timberlake’s 901 tequila.  Continue reading “Funny Video: Justin Timberlake Plays Drunk Mini-Golf on The Jonathan Ross Show”

Desmond Bryant Enters Top Best Mugshot Lists

Desmond Bryant mugshotRaiders DT Desmond Bryant (not to be confused with Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant) rolled his drunken eyes and stuck out his tongue for a shirtless mugshot at Dade County’s correctional facility Sunday morning.

Bryant was reportedly arrested for causing an inebriated commotion at a neighbor’s home in Miami.

Deadspin has the photo(s) of the NFL star and is holding a photoshop contest. Currently in the unofficial running: him as a seal, him chopped into one of Beyonce’s unflattering Superbowl pics, and him in The Miracle Worker.

Desmond becomes an unrestricted free agent on March 12. It’s really too bad he can’t go play with fellow best/worst mugshot contender Todd Helton.  Continue reading “Desmond Bryant Enters Top Best Mugshot Lists”

Be Prepared To Shamefully Show Your ID When Buying Kombucha

Kombucha alcohol labelKombucha manufacturers were forced to pull their products from store shelves in 2010 after the government began investigating the alcohol content to see if it contained more than 0.5% and needed to be sold to over 21s.

Many speculated that Lindsay Lohan was to blame (isn’t she always) because she complained that the drink had set off her ankle monitor.

It’s all very sad and humorous because Kombucha is basically just liquified, non-hallucinogenic mushrooms. Most of the people who drink it (besides Lindsay and I) are certifiable hippies who collect feathers and skulls and won’t leave the house without a basket full of yarn and Tom’s of Maine products.  Continue reading “Be Prepared To Shamefully Show Your ID When Buying Kombucha”

LeAnn Rimes, Carly Rose Sonenclar and The Hex Factor

Carly Rose Sonenclar LeAnn RimesOn part one of The X Factor finale last night, the remaining three contestants were joined by their sort-of idols.

Tate Stevens and his dimples got Little Big Town, Simon’s group, Fifth Harmony, were paired with readily available Demi Lovato for “Give Your Heart A Break,” and little Carly Rose Sonenclar was gifted the bag of crazy known as LeAnn Rimes.

About a minute into “How Do I Live,” Carly announced “Ladies and gentleman please welcome the amazing LeAnn Rimes,” which shocked me, mostly because I forgot the song wasn’t by Faith Hill.  Continue reading “LeAnn Rimes, Carly Rose Sonenclar and The Hex Factor”

Rihanna Flies Fans and Press Around The Globe for ‘777 Tour,’ is Generous With In-Flight Alcohol

Holy snakeskin boots on a plane! Flying with Rihanna is exactly what you’d expect. She gets on the intercom to amp up the passengers, personally funnels Courvoisier and Tamales into your throat and cranks up the subwoofers.

For her new [Boeing] 777 Tour (hashtag RihannaPlane), the queen of bright shining diamonds is flying 250 fans and members of the press, who have been not been shy about Tweeting and Instagramming the results, around the world to seven countries.

Kicking off in Mexico City with meal choices of tacos and tamales and mandatory tequila, Rihanna reportedly has goodie bags with Nude perfume, plays Unapologetic on a sound system at the back of the plane, and walks down the aisles making her fans swoon, getting her picture taken and offering champagne.

Continue reading “Rihanna Flies Fans and Press Around The Globe for ‘777 Tour,’ is Generous With In-Flight Alcohol”

Taking Advice From The Founder Of Crocs: When In Doubt, Blame Taylor Swift

The shoe company Crocs was unnecessarily founded by three people. One of them said “let’s take the backs off” another added “let’s put holes in them!” and the third said “let’s make them ugly.”

It’s true too.

It turns out one of the founders, like his shoes, is hilariously crazy.

Some people are just scary crazy, and worthy of your fear, but George Boedecker seems like a fun guy to hang out with. Last weekend he was discovered by the police passed out in front of his Porsche. So wasted in fact, that the medics plainly called him “drunk as crap.”  Continue reading “Taking Advice From The Founder Of Crocs: When In Doubt, Blame Taylor Swift”

Who Put The Tequila On This Meatball? Deena Cortese Arrested For Public Intoxication

One half of  “team meatball” was arrested yesterday for drunk and disorderly conduct.

Eyewitnesses noticed Deena Cortese wobbling around the wooden planks of Seaside Heights in New Jersey in the afternoon while filming season six of her Guido-centric show.

The police watched her for several minutes, as if she were a lost monkey from the zoo (to be fair I did almost check the “Animals” category for this post), but eventually grew tired of her antics and took her in.

So who from the cast hasn’t been arrested? I’m guessing Sammi, Vinny and Jwoww. Speaking of Jwoww, she sprained her ankle just the other day, after her boyfriend and the male cast of Jersey Shore got into a bar fight. Continue reading “Who Put The Tequila On This Meatball? Deena Cortese Arrested For Public Intoxication”

Amanda Bynes Has An Easter-Themed Mugshot

This morning (3:00 a.m. exactly) was eventful for Amanda Bynes. In an unfortunate turn of events, the What I Like About You star sideswiped a police car, was pulled over and arrested for failing a sobriety test.

As you can see, her pink-haired mugshot arrives just in time for resurrection-of-Jesus-day.

Speaking of that, I was playing Draw Something last week with some random boy and when the word “easter” came up he draw three graves complete with morbid crosses and the words “He is risen” instead of a nice bunny.

Come on kid, Easter is like Halloween but without all the skeletons. It’s about chocolate and boiled eggs, not Jesus. And if the right letters had been there I would have guessed “dracula” for that drawing. WTH.  Continue reading “Amanda Bynes Has An Easter-Themed Mugshot”

Daniel Radcliffe’s Alcoholic Harry Potter Antics

During his promotional tour for The Woman In Black, which, by the way, doesn’t have enough backstory for a movie with that title, Daniel Radcliffe admitted to being drunk during certain Harry Potter filming sessions.

During a sit down with Heat Magazine, the interviewer hinted that perhaps at his age it’s normal to drink too much, to which Radcliffe responded,

“People with problems like that are very adept at hiding it. It was bad. I don’t want to go into details but I drank a lot and it was daily – I mean nightly. I can honestly say I never drank at work on Harry Potter. I went into work still drunk, but I never drank at work.”

Continue reading “Daniel Radcliffe’s Alcoholic Harry Potter Antics”