Chelsea Gets Nude in the Shower with Ellen

Ellen chelsea showerChelsea Handler is making a big, well-publicized move from E! to Netflix for a reported $10 million.

For her final sendoff on E! Chelsea displayed ultimate raunch levels during a more hit-than-miss shower scene with Ellen DeGeneres where Ellen wonders why she’s never been asked to appear on the show and Chelsea pretends to not know Ellen’s sexual orientation while bouncing up and down naked in front of a million cameras like a porn star without the risk of infection.

Later, Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock and 50 Cent appeared along with Miley, Selena Gomez and Gwen Stefani for an intervention and some live music, because what’s more likely to get ratings than awkward nudity and oodles of celebrities? Continue reading “Chelsea Gets Nude in the Shower with Ellen”

Chelsea Handler Leaves E!, May Replace Piers Morgan

Uganda Be Kidding Me author, comedian and only-woman-in-late-night, Chelsea Handler is reportedly packing up her bags and leaving the E! network. A recent statement from her manager makes it sound like she’ll be starting fresh instead of moving Chelsea Lately to another network.

“Chelsea intends to leave when her contract expires. She hired me to figure out her life after E! We have at least seven suitors and many ideas,” Irving Azoff revealed.

E! took a chance on Handler in 2006 when she was a virtual unknown with The Chelsea Handler Show, which lasted one season and eventually evolved into a talk show that went from only booking D-list reality stars to moving to a new studio with appearances by the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock.

Continue reading “Chelsea Handler Leaves E!, May Replace Piers Morgan”

THIS IS NOT A DRILL: Bruce and Kris Jenner are Separated

Kris Jenner Bruce JennerAfter years and years of speculation, rumors, and separate coffins living situations, Kris and Bruce Jenner confirmed to E! that they are no longer romantically involved.

The wording, however, leaves many questions to be answered.

Like, are they getting a divorce any time soon? What’s the point, and were her ladybits more like a carnivorous plant gnawing on him slowly or did they clamp down suddenly, like the twisted rusty bear trap from Saw? 

Bruce and Kris Jenner have separated after 22 years of marriage.

“We are living separately and we are much happier this way,” the pair exclusively tell E! News.

“But we will always have much love and respect for each other. Even though we are separated, we will always remain best friends and, as always, our family will remain our number one priority.”

He lives in Malibu, she’s in Hidden Hills, the kids are all over the place, no one’s really at a loss except for Vampira’s future lover/client/plant waterer/dog poo scooper.  Continue reading “THIS IS NOT A DRILL: Bruce and Kris Jenner are Separated”

Hacker Group Busts Into E!’s Twitter, Writes That Justin Bieber is Gay

Justin Bieber is so gayE! Online’s Twitter feed was taken over Saturday afternoon by The Syrian Electronic Army, a hacker group who took over AP’s account in April to trick users into believing the White House was under attack.

This time they covered the lighter topic of Justin Bieber‘s sexuality, writing that the pop star had come out as a gay boy and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, was fully supportive of the decision.

“E online’s breaking news twitter and sms accounts were compromised today,” the company said in a statement after a momentary suspension. “We’re working to have this resolved as quickly as possible and are fully investigating the incident.”

It’s too bad this isn’t true. I could see myself being friends with gay Justin hair-flipping and temper tantruming his way through LAX. Straight JB taking endless shirtless selfies, not so much. Continue reading “Hacker Group Busts Into E!’s Twitter, Writes That Justin Bieber is Gay”

On Behalf of All of Portland, Let Me Apologize in Advance For ‘The Real World’

Marlon Williams The Real WorldI’m sorry that the male cast of The Real World: Portland are misogynist boars who spend their time flashing women and deciding who has the hottest ass in their concrete mess of a house. And I’m sorry that the nicest female cast member is a Hooters waitress…

It may be an accurate representation of the human race, but it’s a terrible representation of Portland, Oregon. In the first episode “Bondage, Butts and Burlesque,” the cast goes to – you guessed it – a burlesque show, where they run into swingers (okay, sort of accurate) and sweaty Jersey Shore types.

Yes we have clubs. Every town does. We have a nightlife that consists of microbrews, $2 Pabst, karaoke, concerts, strip joints and 24/7 Voodoo Donuts. The typical Portlander does not “go clubbing,” but typical people do, and I suppose that is the “reality” portion.  Continue reading “On Behalf of All of Portland, Let Me Apologize in Advance For ‘The Real World’”

Whitney Cummings Scores Talk Show

Not only is the E! Network dipping their toes into the world of scripted television (Anne of Boleyn, Dorothy, Upstarts from Kevin Spacey, and Fascination Street are among them) but they’re giving Whitney Cummings her own half-hour talk show.

Cummings, who was once known as a pro-roaster and frequent roundtable member on her close friend Chelsea Handler’s show, has struggled recently with her NBC sitcom, Whitney. On the other hand, the Cummings co-created 2 Broke Girls is a success.

Her latest project, “Love you, Mean It With Whitney Cummings” will air on Wednesdays at 10:30 after The Soup sometime this year. It will be produced by Handler’s Borderline Amazing productions.

Jonas Brothers Reality Coming Soon To E!

I’m sure that news of a Jonas Brothers reality show peaks your interests to the max. I’m not interested in giving my five readers a heart attack, so proceed with caution.

Headlines read “Move Over Kardashians” after word of a Jonas show on the E! Network hit the web. Sources call the Disney princesses prince’s show a “family” effort that is set in New York.

Nick Jonas (the one with diabetes) will probably be followed around as he performs on Broadway in How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. 

Kevin (the elder one who ironically looks the most like a baby with sideburns) will likely be filmed with his wife, Danielle Deleasa.  Continue reading “Jonas Brothers Reality Coming Soon To E!”

Kim Kardashian Wedding Pics

These two doofs (Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries) got married yesterday! And E! has released a video of footage from the joyous event.

Kim wore a strapless Vera Wang dress and Kris wore a giant Farrakhan bowtie and honestly I dunno what kind of suit, I have the fashion sense of a Madagascar hissing cockroach.

It was a very very white wedding, for someone who, ahem, used to not be so into white things. Continue reading “Kim Kardashian Wedding Pics”

No More Stand-Up For Chelsea Handler

Tuesday, August 9th on E!’s Chelsea Lately, funnylady host Chelsea Handler casually mentioned that she would not be touring for a long time after her next two tour dates in New Jersey and Atlantic City.

After saying that they were her last two dates “ever,” round-table member Jo Koy asked if she was serious, and she responded by saying that if she didn’t run out of money, she was done with stand-up and touring for a long time. She cited wanting to pursue other things (probably acting and/or producing) as the reason behind it. I’m guessing she’s also worn out from both touring AND hosting a show that usually airs four times a week.

But I’m also positive she will eventually do stand-up again. Don’t fret.

Better go see her at PNC Bank Center in Holmdel, NJ and at Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, otherwise, no more Chelsea bang bang horizontal vodka pikachu on the road for a long time.