Katy Perry Wonders How Rihanna Can Smoke So Much Pot and Still Look Okay

Katy and Rihanna friendsOnce when I was very young I cut a worm in half to see what was inside, and while I no longer condone the killing of innocent living creatures for science, I know you’d find less if you did the same to Katy Perry.

Many things seem to perplex her. Things like dating men who don’t smell, walking and talking at the same time, and how and why her friend Rihanna can stay up all night in a hotboxed hotel room watching Adventure Time and still look her age (25) or younger.

“I think that Rihanna always looks so fresh and I’m like, ‘How do you do that? We all know how much pot you smoke! And you don’t sleep because you’re on Instagram at four o’clock in the morning,” Perry tells Elle Canada.

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Shakira Gazed Deep Into a Soccer Ball and Found God

shakira elle magazine cover 2013Shakira is more than just the only refreshing thing on The Voice season 4 (besides Michelle Chamuel) and the only bangable pregnant woman, she’s a recording artist with a buttload of international fans who are impatiently waiting on her next album.

“I have no idea of where I want to go musically, but I’m fine that way,” Shaki said in an interview with Elle. ” I don’t need to remain faithful to any concept, you know.”

So her new sound could be anything from Hurdy Gurdy Screamo to Argentinian Goat Folk, but I’d like to see her lean on the rock she’s only previously dabbled in. (“Poem to a Horse” part II please.)

Also in the Elle piece, Shakira mentions how beefy ball keeper Gerard Piqué restored her faith in everything…  Continue reading “Shakira Gazed Deep Into a Soccer Ball and Found God”

Kim Gordon Divorced Thurston Moore Because He Had An Affair

Kim and ThurstonKim Gordon recently opened up about the details of her divorce, telling Elle that her husband, fellow Sonic Youth singer Thurston Moore, was leading a “double life” with another woman.

Gordon, who announced the split from Moore in late 2011, said the affair was continuos, and that her husband refused to severe ties even after she found out.

Following confrontation over a suspicious text message, they entered couples counseling as a last-ditch effort. Here’s an excerpt from the very candid and painful-to-read story, by Lizzy Goodman:

Some years ago, a woman Gordon declines to name became a part of the Sonic Youth world, first as the girlfriend of an erstwhile band member and later as a partner on a literary project with Moore. Continue reading “Kim Gordon Divorced Thurston Moore Because He Had An Affair”

Scarlett Johansson Gets Called a Bombshell Because of her Boobs and Nothing Else

Scarlett Johansson Elle Uk coverIn the February 2013 issue of Elle UK, sometimes-uptight, often-misunderstood Scarlett Johansson says that “any woman who is curvy and wears a gown to an event is, like, super sexualized.”

You hear that, Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara? When you wear a gown, everyone reaches for something, preferably the overseas edition of a certain fashion mag, to cover their boners with.

I think they both already knew. But I also think they know that it’s not necessarily because they’re curvy, but because they’re pretty actresses.

Not sure if the same reaction would arise if it were Rosie O’Donnell, and not Rihanna, in that black Armani dress with the suicidal neckline plunge.  Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson Gets Called a Bombshell Because of her Boobs and Nothing Else”

Jennifer Lawrence and Her Boyfriend Love Beach Volleyball, Asses and Cheetos

In the new issue December edition of Elle Magazine, Jennifer Lawrence discusses her boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult (Skins, X-Men: First Class), and being called “fat.”

Unless Lawrence is harboring some deep secret, like dead kids or baby seals in her closet, I think we can all agree that she’s one of the only famous people under the age of 25 that you should call a role model, mainly for her honesty and ability to laugh off comments that would give most women crippling body image problems.

1. She doesn’t give a fuck if you think she’s too big: “I’m never going to starve myself for a part… I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I’m going to skip dinner. That’s something I was really conscious of during training, when you’re trying to get your body to look exactly right. I was trying to get my body to look fit and strong – not thin and underfed.”

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Britney Spears Says ‘It’s Really Hard For Me To Be Like Kim Kardashian’

The bitchy catfight-loving subconscious in all of us just read that quote as “It’s really hard for me to LIKE Kim Kardashian.”

Alas this is just a quote from Britney on her inner tomboy.

She can’t talk crap about Kim anyway, with her sister (Khloe) up for the X Factor hosting gig.

“I love my jeans and my sweats. I’m really just a tomboy at heart,” Spears tells Elle in the October issue.

The cover reminds me of her on Elle back in 2000 (she’s quite a regular for their foreign and U.S. editions, and yes, I used to subscribe).

She really is looking good again, just needs to work on dancing faster than an animatronic horror puppet.  Continue reading “Britney Spears Says ‘It’s Really Hard For Me To Be Like Kim Kardashian’”

Mila Kunis For Elle UK, August 2012

Mila Kunis, fresh off her box-office talking-teddybear win of $54.1 million, appears on Elle UK’s August cover in Dior. She’s making that face, you know the one. It’s like, ‘Are you looking at me? If you are, that’s okay but if you move I’ll scratch your skin off with a rusty rake.’

People claim she’s talking about her relationship with Ashton Kutcher in the interview when she says it would be impossible to date anyone.

“I’m trying to be like a normal girl and a single girl but the concept of being single in my position isn’t workable. I couldn’t go on a date if I wanted to!”

“Is a guy going to come up to me and ask if he can take me out on a date? Where can I go and have this date? I can’t go anywhere.”

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Rihanna Poses For Elle, May 2012 [Photos]

Rihanna is featured in the latest issue of Elle Magazine in a Cuba-inspired shoot rocking her best hair ever (edgy, layered blond with black roots) and talking a little about the man she refuses to quit.

She says that the public knowing her business during the Chris Brown incident of 2009 was humbling, hinting that she’s going to stay in contact no matter what:

“I was like, well, fuck. They know more about me than I want them to know. It’s embarrassing. But that was my opening. That was my liberation, my moment of bring it…Now you know that, so you can say what you want about it. I don’t have anything to hide.”

“The bottom line is that everyone thinks differently. It’s very hard for me to accept, but I get it. People end up wasting their time on the blogs or whatever, ranting away, and that’s all right. Because tomorrow I’m still going to be the same person.”  Continue reading “Rihanna Poses For Elle, May 2012 [Photos]”

I Still Don’t Like Pregnant Nudists, But Nice Try, Jessica

Look man, I’m glad to be alive and I love my mom but if there were people interested in her posing nude during the third semester of pregnancy and she actually agreed to do it, we might not have been on speaking terms from the key parental embarrassment years of ages eight to seventeen.

Jessica Simpson apparently has no woes about such things as she has posed for Elle, following in the chubby fetus-bursting footsteps of Cindy Crawford, Britney Spears, Demi Moore and Claudia Schiffer.

I’m adopted anyway, so I don’t even understand why people keep populating the earth. There are plenty of aggressive Swedish orphans out there waiting for owners. Why not scoop one of those up? Or maybe just mosey on down to the no-kill animal shelter and pick up a Pug, it’ll poop just as much. I promise.

Themed Photo Shoots With ‘American Horror Story’ And ‘Glee’ Stars

Elle’s February 2012 issue tosses the stars of Ryan Murphy’s hit shows Glee and American Horror Story into one fantastic bowl of kitsch.

Taissa Farmiga, Kate Mara, Sarah Paulson and Connie Britton represent AHS while Lea Michele, Jayma Mays, Heather Morris, Diana Agron and Naya Rivera wave the Glee banner, though most of them are unrecognizably drenched in hair and makeup.

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Megan Fox Poses For Obscure Foreign Magazines

Megan Fox appears on the cover of both Elle Slovenia (sounds like a plot to kidnap starlets, a la Hostel) and also Amica, an Italian fashion publication, for their September issues.

The Elle Slovenia cover is very casual, while on Amica she kind of looks like a witch who suffered a terrible curse that caused her to grow thick black fur all over her body, except for the arms and face, thank god.

OR she could just be going to the Italian equivalent of The Kentucky Derby, where they host fashion shows on a really long/wide catwalk, and the models double as jockeys. I would sooo go see that. Sadly there’d be a lot of fatalities…

Continue reading “Megan Fox Poses For Obscure Foreign Magazines”