Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes”

Meet Hefe Wine, the Man Behind the Alleged Iggy Azalea Sex Tape…

Hefe wine iggy azalea exThe only people who have seen Iggy Azalea’s sex tape at this point seem to be the “businessmen” over at Vivid Entertainment, who think the tape could actually be worth millions of dollars, possibly even more than saucer-eyed knob-polishers Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

The only people BESIDES of course Iggy herself and her co-star, former boyfriend and manager combo Hefe Wine.

Azalea is busy denying the tape’s existence while her lawyers are busy telling TMZ that it was filmed “without her knowledge or consent” and Hefe is busy pretending like he had nothing to do with it ending up at Vivid.

There’s also word that Iggy – known back then as Amethyst Amelia Kelly – may have accidentally signed over the rights to it to the douchey ex. (Which is bullsh*t, because the contract only related to music and music-related videos.Continue reading “Meet Hefe Wine, the Man Behind the Alleged Iggy Azalea Sex Tape…”

Jack White Randomly Goes off on Black Keys Frontman, Ex-Wife Files Restraining Order

Karen Elson and Jack WhiteKaren Elson, the model and musician Jack White divorced in 2011, filed a restraining order against The White Stripes and Third Man Records founder claiming he has harassed and bullied her.

In one email provided to a lawyer as proof, White goes off on Black Keys’ lead singer Dan Auerbach. I figured he was the wife’s new boyfriend and Jack was jealous and trying to keep his two kids from bonding with him, but that is not the case. Jack is just pulling a Gallagher, saying he doesn’t want his kids going to the same school as Auerbach’s because Auerbach is a pretentious poseur.

my concern with auerbach is because i don’t want the kids involved in any of that crap. you aren’t thining ahead. that’s a possible twelve fucking years i’mg going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that asshole with other people trying to lump us in together. he gets freee reign to follow me around and copy me and push himself into my world.  Continue reading “Jack White Randomly Goes off on Black Keys Frontman, Ex-Wife Files Restraining Order”

CBS Wants to Ruin Any Remaining Shred of Fun at The Grammys

Crazy grammy dresses 2Good thing Lil’ Kim and Trey Parker have no reason to be at The Grammys this year. An email sent by CBS Standards and Practices to attending celebrities lists all the things they’re not allowed to wear.

No-nos includes “thong type costumes,” “sheer see-through clothing” and “brand name products on T-shirts.” One-piece tuxedos and turtlenecks are okay.

Problematic (and favorite) language in the memo, which was reportedly leaked by a low-level staffer, would have to be the redundant references to “female breast nipples” and “buttock crack.”

Continue reading “CBS Wants to Ruin Any Remaining Shred of Fun at The Grammys”

Anderson “Silver Fox” Cooper Confirms Status As Gay Sex Symbol

Anderson Cooper confirmed what we all suspected and loved about him: he’s gay. The Emmy-winning CNN anchor allowed his friend of over 20 years, The Daily Beast editor Andrew Sullivan, to post an email explaining his reasons for not coming out sooner.

So, Cooper is “coming out” mostly because he just never got around to it before. He talks about never being ashamed but wanting to maintain privacy and safety in war zones.

Here’s the part of the letter (go read all of it) the media has chosen to focus on:

“The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.”

And here are a few of the sentences leading up to that statement:

Continue reading “Anderson “Silver Fox” Cooper Confirms Status As Gay Sex Symbol”

Prayer Group Wishes ‘Fast Moving Breast Cancer’ On Military Freedom Foundation

Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) founder Michael Weinstein, received a shocking email from a prayer group that wished fatal illness on all the female employees at his work.

“Now for our prayer, we pray that the women who work in your MFRR and the women in your family will befall fast moving breast cancer which can not ever be cured.”

The writer of the message listed many specific names and said that they would not stop praying until the MRFF stopped dealing with Lucifer and accepted “Christ Jesus as Lord.”  

This is not a first for Weinstein, a Jewish former Air Force lawyer whose organization fights for a secular army.  Continue reading “Prayer Group Wishes ‘Fast Moving Breast Cancer’ On Military Freedom Foundation”

Netflix CEO Reed Hastings Says ‘I Messed Up’ In Mass Email

Though they were once at the top of their game, Netflix has come under a lot of scrutiny lately.

They are being criticized for raising prices significantly, losing Starz content, splitting the company into two parts (Qwikster, the new subsidiary) and generally being douchebags.

At least he’s sort of getting what he deserves, in the form of massive backlash (25,000 comments on their blog) AND a stock plummet. (Check out the 5-day stock chart, bottom left)

The most douchebaggy thing I can think of? Apologizing for something that you blatantly don’t plan on changing.

That’s exactly what Reed Hastings, Netflix co-founder and CEO, is doing.

He recently sent out a very fearful letter, apologizing for the price increase in August ($8.99 to $15.98 for streaming and DVD-by-mail) and explaining all the changes…

Continue reading “Netflix CEO Reed Hastings Says ‘I Messed Up’ In Mass Email”

Baseball Player Demands Mermaid Date

27 year-old Phillies outfielder John Mayberry is determined to catch himself a mermaid.

After Mayberry asked his agent to set him up on a date with Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 mermaid/model/actress Antoinette Nikprelaj a series of emails were leaked regarding the matter…

Continue reading “Baseball Player Demands Mermaid Date”