No More Creepy Burger King Commercials

Now that Burger King is attempting to trick people into thinking their menu is “healthy” by introducing more salads and wraps and other items that taste no different from the cardboard they come encased in, they are getting rid of their memorable mascot and his eerie commercials!

The creepy Burger King king in the big furry pimp coat and gold chain is no more! For now at least.

The company cites the change in their menu and advertising, to USA Today, as a lean towards targeting moms instead of teens. Hmmmm.

This Monday a new item, the California Whopper will be available at all locations. The hamburger was previously only attainable in four states and three Scandinavian countries. Supposedly the California Whopper is chalk-full of guacamole and the usual genetic mutations of fast-food vegetables.

Alex Macedo, Burger King’s senior marketing VP, said there are “no plans to bring the King back anytime soon.”

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No More Stand-Up For Chelsea Handler

Tuesday, August 9th on E!’s Chelsea Lately, funnylady host Chelsea Handler casually mentioned that she would not be touring for a long time after her next two tour dates in New Jersey and Atlantic City.

After saying that they were her last two dates “ever,” round-table member Jo Koy asked if she was serious, and she responded by saying that if she didn’t run out of money, she was done with stand-up and touring for a long time. She cited wanting to pursue other things (probably acting and/or producing) as the reason behind it. I’m guessing she’s also worn out from both touring AND hosting a show that usually airs four times a week.

But I’m also positive she will eventually do stand-up again. Don’t fret.

Better go see her at PNC Bank Center in Holmdel, NJ and at Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, otherwise, no more Chelsea bang bang horizontal vodka pikachu on the road for a long time.