Gaga’s Engagement Ring is a Bloody Giant Heart

lady gaga ringJust Kidding.

Lady Gaga of the meat dress-having, singing-while-covered-in-blood and eating-designer-cakes-dripping-with-red-dye persuasion, did NOT receive anything crazy for her engagement, but she did get a completely normal heart-shaped ring from her boyfriend, television firefighter and werewolf Taylor Kinney, for Valentine’s.

Kidding again. Gaga’s ring isn’t normal, it’s huge and probably worth a million dollars. The biggest shock here is one of the following multiple choice options:

1.  You can buy a ring like this at almost any high-end jewelry store.
2. Nobody was hired to pry it from the cold dead fingers of Alexander McQueen
3. Gaga is marrying not only a human man from Earth, but a pretty regular guy

 

 

 

 

 

Check Out Obama’s Groovy Hawaiian Prom Photo

Obama prom picture
Awww. Look at Barry in 1979 all decked out in a lei with his bottle poppin’ best friend and their dates.

With the help of the brunette on his left (Kelli Allman), Time Magazine released two photos of 17-year-old Obama at the dance in honor of the Millions of American teenagers who will go to prom this year.

The guy in the white pants (Greg Orme) was Barack’s basketball teammate at Punahou School in Honolulu and brother from another mother, according to Allman.  CLICK for bonus ’70s fun-time photo

What Does Angelina Jolie’s Engagement Mean For Society? – More Pictures Of Her Hands!

Angelina Jolie’s recent engagement to Brad Pitt, father of her children and partner for seven years means doesn’t mean much to humanity. You’re just going to see a ton of pictures of her left elongated spider hand and the ring that adorns it.

Before you say it, Jennifer Aniston does not care about this news There are even [unlikely] rumors that she might go to the wedding. And how good would that feel? Showing up with Justin Theroux, looking happier than ever, relieved not to be with that toolbox that left her for another woman. Hopefully she gets a plus two invite so she can bring Chelsea Handler.  Continue reading “What Does Angelina Jolie’s Engagement Mean For Society? – More Pictures Of Her Hands!”

Jessica Biel’s Engagement Geology

I’m pretentious (or maybe just stoopid) to write “geology” instead of “rock” or engagement ring. I only wanted to talk about how Jessica Biel’s ring from Justin Timberlake looks like costume jewelry.

OR a ringwatch? Or Green Lantern’s source of power. In case you forgot, JT and JB began dating in January 2007, broke up in March 2011 then got back together just four months later, in July.

I must assume that’s granny Sadie Bomar’s ring, with special sentimental value? As Paris Hilton would say “That’s HUGE,” in a commercial way…  Continue reading “Jessica Biel’s Engagement Geology”