Orlando Bloom and Selena Gomez: So Guilty it’s Hilarious

Selena gomez orlando bloom sneaking outSelena Gomez and Orlando Bloom are quite possibly exchanging bodily fluids, and the proof is in this photo. Reportedly of the pair leaving one of Chelsea Handler’s stand-up shows and judging facial expressions only, the photo clearly depicts two very specific types of guilt.

Nearly 40-year-old Orlando is guilty of hooking up with someone who is 21 but looks 12, and Selena just found out the hard way that British men aren’t circumcised.

In that jacket, with those eyes he also kind of looks like a rapey magician. Correction: rapey uncircumcised magician.

TMZ thinks they’re revenge f*cking to get back at Miranda Kerr and Justin Bieber for leaning against each other for 5 seconds as a fashion show four years ago. Not far-fetched at all.

A Comprehensive Guide To Britney Spears’ X-Factor Faces

Everyone must have noticed the look of fear and distaste Britney Spears permanently has plastered on her face during her judging stint on season two of The X Factor

After five episodes of close examination, I’ve determined that the faces mean nothing, it’s just her way of coping with being on TV.

Granted, when children or teenagers announce themselves onstage, she lights up like a well-carved jack-o’-lantern.

Most of the time she just looks like she smelled some really rancid garbage. So I ask you, who the hell placed the trash can full of year-old yogurt, eggs, milk and steak next to Britney?  Continue reading “A Comprehensive Guide To Britney Spears’ X-Factor Faces”

Spears And Lohan Face-Morph Videos

A YouTube user has made two videos chronicling Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan from their childhood years to now.

Seeing someone age before your eyes is never fun (the AgingBooth app scares the scheisse out of me) but it’s especially terrifying with these two.

Britney, from “…Baby One More Time” to her 24-hour friendship with Paris Hilton and two-year marriage to Kevin Federline.

It’s still painful seeing these events all at once, especially the bald incident and Dollar Tree weave.

Lindsay’s is actually worse. “25 Years In 60 Seconds” is enough to put a few extra creases in my forehead. It’s as though Louisiana-born Britney always had that hillbilly gene and propensity to be tan and sausage-y. Continue reading “Spears And Lohan Face-Morph Videos”