‘Maleficent’ is a Sword in the Heart of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Fans Everywhere

Maleficent new and old
Maleficent did mighty well at the box office, resulting in Angelina Jolie’s biggest opening weekend that trumped Tomb Raider and Wanted by millions, but many fans of Disney’s original Sleeping Beauty are calling it disappointing and a little anti-feminist.

The discussion on where Maleficent went wrong seems to always begin with the villain not being nearly as evil as we remember: from her strange, distant interactions with Princess Aurora, the botched story of how she lost her wings and turned evil goth solely because of a man, and the fact that she never f*cking turns into a dragon.

Via i09’s “How Could Disney Do This To Maleficent“:

She doesn’t really build any sort of personality; instead all we see is a woman who is reacting to a slew of terrible things her former lover inflicts on her. It just seems like she’s running around, coming up with all of these ideas as they hit her. Her go-to move is to zap people into unconscious human balloons, which she then manipulates around in the air.

The article’s author, Meredith Woerner says the film spends way too much time on Aurora and not her wicked fairy godmother, and that the retelling of the story depicts Maleficent as a mentally weak woman who makes rash decisions because Aurora’s father, King Stefan, “drugged and violated her.” Continue reading “‘Maleficent’ is a Sword in the Heart of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Fans Everywhere”

Gays Stay Gay After Gaga Flashes Goodies

Lady gaga naked gay club 2013Gaga fans in London put their hands up and made ’em touch during a surprise performance at the Soho club G-A-Y.

If you were to ask 99.9% of that audience if they were more excited to hear her single “Venus” or see her naked body, well…. you know. It doesn’t help that she’s gone from borderline sexy in the videos for “Telephone” and “LoveGame” to Miracle Max’s swamp witch wife.

“Just saw LadyGaga do a surprise set at G-A-Y. She got her arse out & showed her vagina. All agrees it was impressive but we’re staying gay,” comedian Matt Lucas tweeted.

She got dat Thanksgiving turkey ass, and “Venus” is only slightly less underwhelming than THIS.

Continue reading “Gays Stay Gay After Gaga Flashes Goodies”

Bodily Newsflash: Justin Bieber Spitting on Others Makes Me Puke on Myself

justin bieber spitting on fans What a surprise. On Thursday Justin Bieber spit on his fans — the very people who brought him to the current level of success that allows him to stand on fancy balconies — in Toronto. From NY Daily News:

The 19-year-old tween idol turned bad boy was caught on camera hawking a mouthful of saliva over a hotel balcony in Toronto Thursday – as a throng of Beliebers were gathered outside to catch a glimpse of their hero.

The pictures, which were first flagged by TMZ.com, show an unidentified friend of the Biebs laughing at the crude prank.

Sweet potato Jesus, I hate when people call Justin Bieber a “bad boy.” He’s bad like a baby grasping at sharp cabinet drawers or putting pennies in his mouth, but he’s not exactly Mickey fucking Rourke.

Continue reading “Bodily Newsflash: Justin Bieber Spitting on Others Makes Me Puke on Myself”

Dave Matthews Pulls Classic Dave Move, Hitchhikes to Own Show

Dave Matthews hitchikerDave Matthews was out for a quick pre-show bike ride outside Hershey, PA on Saturday when he suffered a flat tire and didn’t have a cell phone to call for help.

Stranded on the side of the road, he was picked up by Emily Kraus and her boyfriend (who is apparently either nameless, or completely unimportant to every news outlet in existence).

But Kraus and Boyfriend aren’t just random locals who happened to drive by, they’re huge Dave Matthews fans who were en route to the same show he almost missed because he wanted to “be out in nature” and “disconnect from technology” and other Dave Matthews-ish stuff.

So he hopped in the car (on which bike racks had coincidentally just been installed) and the couple drove him right to his own show. He obviously didn’t get a chance to shower beforehand, but that’s probably nothing out of the ordinary.  Continue reading “Dave Matthews Pulls Classic Dave Move, Hitchhikes to Own Show”

My Chemical Romance ‘Proud’ That Their Break-Up Depressed Fans

Gerard Way emoHairy Billy Corgan lookalike Gerard Way wrote that he felt more pride than sadness over the breakup of his band, My Chemical Romance yesterday.

Proud because the depressed fans showed apparently unexpected love for his music.

I didn’t even know My Chemical Romance had a CD in 2010. (Was it any good?) I do know that no one should be sad over this.

Bands who tour for too long (Bush, Everclear etc.) are no longer appreciated because, like the show Weeds, they tend to overstay their welcome until the creativity well becomes dryer than Larry King’s vagina. Continue reading “My Chemical Romance ‘Proud’ That Their Break-Up Depressed Fans”

Lady Gaga and Little Monsters Vs. Kelly and Sharon Osbourne (…and Joan Rivers)

Lady Gaga Kelly OsbourneLast week, Kelly Osbourne started a feud with Lady Gaga after telling Fabulous magazine that Gaga needs to put a leash on her fans because they are the ‘worst in the world.’

Gaga responded to Osbourne telling the press that Little Monsters told her to kill herself and that they hope she gets raped in a lengthy online message that read:

“I have empathy for you Kelly, but I feel it culturally important to note that you have chosen a less compassionate path.”

This is in reference to Fashion Police, the show in which Joan Rivers wittily compares women’s dresses to tampons, which Gaga says is “rooted in criticism, judgment, and rating people’s beauty against one another.”  Continue reading “Lady Gaga and Little Monsters Vs. Kelly and Sharon Osbourne (…and Joan Rivers)”

Beliebers Start Mass Wrist Cutting Trend on Twitter After Pot Scandal

Sad Justin BieberWhat do we know about Justin Bieber‘s fans? Well, we know that they’re teenage girls with low self-esteem and a lot of free time.

The thing is, after I found out that an anonymous 4Chan.org user tricked hundreds, maybe thousands of his fans into making “#cut4bieber” trend on Twitter, I realized I may have underestimated just how extreme they are.

I figured Beliebers were cutting themselves because he’s become even more of a media target, but TMZ is reporting that they’re disappointed in his recent extracurricular activities and they think a Bic razor to the wrist might stop him.  Continue reading “Beliebers Start Mass Wrist Cutting Trend on Twitter After Pot Scandal”

Team Breezy Floods Woman’s Feed With Death Threats After Chris Brown Leaves Twitter

News producer and comedy writer Jenny Johnson has never been shy about voicing her opinion, especially when it comes to violent asshole Chris Brown.

After an especially volatile personal exchange on Twitter with Brown (where he called her a “hoe” and a “bush pig,” told her to suck his dick and said he wanted to shit in her mouth and on her eye), he tucked his tail between his legs and deactivated his account.

Chris’s delusional fans, Team Breezy, responded exactly how you’d expect people who would probably list misogyny as their religion if they could define or spell it.

Johnson received death threats. Grammatically incorrect messages like “i want kill you!” and “let’s kill this bitch out !!” were most common. Continue reading “Team Breezy Floods Woman’s Feed With Death Threats After Chris Brown Leaves Twitter”

The Time 35 South American Fans Broke Into Lady Gaga’s Garage

Little Peruvian Monsters broke into the house Lady Gaga was staying at before a show in Lima at Estadio San Marcos on Thanksgiving.

Gaga Tweeted that she was wandering around naked in the kitchen when she spotted them on the security camera.

“#MONSTERFACT when gaga is asleep try to break into the garage, sing loud as possible, + ring the doorbell repeatedly #happeningnow #badkids,” Lady G wrote.

“I should be mad i guess except i tried to figure out how to slide stuffing under the door, but theres no cat-flap.”  Continue reading “The Time 35 South American Fans Broke Into Lady Gaga’s Garage”

Honey Boo Slaps Dr. Drew, Falls Asleep, Says She ‘Hates’ Her Fans

Extra grumpy Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child star Alana Thompson has been making the rounds on talks shows and every time it’s the same thing: her mother trying and failing to conduct the interview while she (Alana) makes noises, looks around, and flaps her arms.

People have been wondering if the fame is getting to her, when really you can blame TLC’s editing. Child who is famous for her hyperactivity goes on Jimmy Kimmel with the attention span of… a seven-year-old.

Do you like being on TV?: “NO!” answers Thompson, “Fans come up to me and I hate it.”

Continue reading “Honey Boo Slaps Dr. Drew, Falls Asleep, Says She ‘Hates’ Her Fans”

Whose Fans Have The Best Nickname?

Sometimes a fan is just a fan and other times, they’re, well, some god-awful name they were given or that they gave themselves.

It’s all the same kind of cancer.

Well, put your paws up, but not those paws. I’ve decided that Ke$ha‘s “Animals” win this game, but only because it’s the most fitting and least horrible name to say outloud

Worst has to be Courtney Stodden (Stoddenistas) for even thinking she’s cool enough to name her fans, and Chris Brown for having fans at all, especially female ones. That kind of stupidity deserves a rural county fair cow ribbon.

Let’s review all the options, and I’ll let you decide (comment below)  Continue reading “Whose Fans Have The Best Nickname?”

Young Katy Perry Followers – No Worse Than Christina, Britney Or Madonna Fans?

Underage girls (and boys) will mimic almost anything that they like or see other people enjoying without really knowing what it means. For instance, this preteen Katy Perry fan at the MuchMusic Video Awards, pictured to the far left.

While I was fairly shocked at first to see someone so young with cupcakes stuck to their tanktop, I remembered that when I was in 8th grade a girl three years younger than me dressed up like Jasmine from Aladdin and bellydanced to “Genie In A Bottle.”

That was just as, if not more disturbing, than this picture. My point isn’t that it’s okay, but that it’s nothing new.  Continue reading “Young Katy Perry Followers – No Worse Than Christina, Britney Or Madonna Fans?”

Kanye, Courtney, Axl – Biggest Concert Divas Of 2012

Courtney Love kicked off the festivities of awkward concert behavior at the Sao Paolo Music and Arts Festival in mid November when she screamed and stripped after a fan held up a photo of Kurt Cobain.

Fast forward to December and we hear that Tyler, The Creator vandalized a soundboard and incited a riot at the legendary Roxy on Sunset Blvd though he’s not headline-worthy in my mind.  Continue reading “Kanye, Courtney, Axl – Biggest Concert Divas Of 2012”

‘Walking Dead’ Writer Robert Kirkman, Not A Fan Of Zombie Fans

The man responsible for The Walking Dead comic book and therefore the show as well told Attack Of The Show host Kevin Pereira in an interview on Wednesday that he isn’t exactly thrilled when his followers dress like the flesheaters he made ever-so-popular.

“They’re nice people, I dunno, they’re somewhat crazy every now and then. They dress up as zombies a lot, that’s a little unsettling to me because people dressed up as zombies still terrify me. I get it, you’re trying to be a zombie, it’s unnerving, please don’t.”

He also said that the comic book industry needs to take itself more seriously in order to be taken seriously by everyone else, specifically the movie industry. On the slow second season of The Walking Dead he says:

There was the switchover from Frank Darabont to Glen Mazzara … I think that Glen Mazzara has a different style…he comes from a run and gun like, let’s blow through as much story as we can and force ourselves to come up with more stuff that will make the show interesting and let’s not hang on any moments let’s pay things off and then move on to the next thing.”