Is Kendall Jenner MORE FAMOUS than Kim Kardashian?

Kendall jenner headlines
According to the internet, fashionista Kendall Jenner is smitten with Chris Brown while simultaneously trying to steal Justin Bieber from Selena Gomez and become a Victoria’s Secret Angel while jealous models put cigarette butts in her lattes.

Lately Kim Kardashian has been reduced to boring mom updates while the eldest Jenner streamrolls straight over her and into the spotlight.

Big asses are so 2013. It’s all about “extreme side boob.”  Continue reading “Is Kendall Jenner MORE FAMOUS than Kim Kardashian?”

Rihanna for Harper’s Bazaar Arabia, 2014

rihanna arabia coverJust realized I haven’t talked about Rihanna in a while because I thought if I prayed hard enough in silence for her Instagram account to reappear I might get a response because summer is here and I desperately need to know which monokini has the best slits and what beach provides equal parts shade and sun for eating pineapple slices off Cara DeLevingne in an MDMA haze.

An Instagram account isn’t even the only thing we’re mourning, Rihanna has sadly been enjoying her break from album-recording, and will probably not release her usual CD in November.

No diamonds, no men down, no broken dishes…  Continue reading “Rihanna for Harper’s Bazaar Arabia, 2014”

Rihanna Basically Wore No Clothes to a Fashion Award Show

Rihanna see through dressRihanna, one of the most-naked celebrities, is considered a fashion icon. Go figure. If fashion is ever-changing, then Rihanna – with her five unique hair styles a year and bottomless wardrobe – IS fashion (Tom Ford called her dearly departed Instagram account “the most important” thing in the industry), but she also has entire closets dedicated to bikinis and nipple pasties. 

Rihanna’s stripper’s paradise continued at the CFDA’s earlier today in New York, where she was presented with the Fashion Icon Award wearing a bedazzled shower cap, see-through strip of fabric by Adam Selma, and pinkish fur.

Perhaps the hat is more of a flapper head dress than synchronized swimwear, but who besides an asexual design student would even notice what’s going on above the neck?

Amanda Bynes Frolics in Bikini, Makes Long-Awaited Return to Twitter!

Amanda Bynes bikini 2014
Amanda Bynes MAY be giving us the success story we wasted our time hoping for with Lindsay Lohan…

After entering a hospital and eventually rehab for driving crazily, smashing bongs and lighting fires in people’s yards, Bynes is seemingly back to her content, sane self – spending time with her parents and attending the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising.

Of all the negative things Bynes was “famous” for in recent years, most know her for her presence on Twitter.

Once the queen of attention-grabbing tweets that often involved calling people “ugly” and getting her vagina murdered, not to mention the posting of one-eyed duckface photos, Amanda B. has quietly returned to social media with short and sweet messages about her fans and her birthday. (She just turned 28.)  Continue reading “Amanda Bynes Frolics in Bikini, Makes Long-Awaited Return to Twitter!”

Does Kim Kardashian ‘Deserve’ to be on Vogue?

Kim and Kanye vogueTurns out, Anna Wintour isn’t opposed to Kim Kardashian, or hashtags (the latest cover of Vogue features both). Or maybe the magazine’s bloodmother just likes money as much as Kim and the rest of the Kardashians.

Her and her perfect mate, the male version of her in terms of credit limit and ego size, Kanye West, are featured in the issue after more than a year of whispers that Wintour would never allow a woman who contributes so little to society the satisfaction of gracing the cover.

To be fair, Vogue is all about fashion, and her and Kanye are pivotal figures during fashion week and any stylish red carpet event the pair end up invited to. Co-owner of Dash and the Kardashian Kollection line that appears in stores that her and her sisters would never shop at, Kim probably does “deserve” to be recognized in this capacity.  Continue reading “Does Kim Kardashian ‘Deserve’ to be on Vogue?”

Terry Richardson is the Woody Allen of the Fashion Industry, Traumatized Models Confirm

Terry Richardson pervThere is no question that famed photographer Terry Richardson is a pervert. He’d actually be the first one to tell you so and shrug it off, but it’s beyond troubling how many big names (Lady Gaga, Jared Leto, Kate Moss) continue to work with him considering the recent allegations against him.

Confirmation that his form of perverseness translates directly to manipulation and sexual exploitation has appeared in confession form by girls on Reddit and Jezebel.

You can see a direct timeline of it all on Styleite, but the events described by Charlotte Waters summarize the extent of this best. According to Waters – who was 19 at the time – Richardson instructed her to take off all her clothes and proceeded to lick her ass, kiss her aggressively and request that she squeeze his balls until they “pushed back up into his body.”  Continue reading “Terry Richardson is the Woody Allen of the Fashion Industry, Traumatized Models Confirm”

Khloe Kardashian: “Leave My Sister’s Nipples Alone!”

Kendall jenner safe for workIf you haven’t already heard, Kendall Jenner’s nipples caused a huge scene at a Marc Jacobs fashion show in New York because 1. She’s KARDASHIAN famous. 2. She just turned 18, and people are freaks. 3. Men and women alike still go apeshit over the human body because we’re all surrounded by jiggling asses and duct tape nipples and are still made to feel ashamed of our boners.

Big sister’s Khloe and Kim tweeted in defense of Kendall’s mammary glands, not only to the haterade-drinking KKK haters, but to Instagram for removing photos they’d posted of said glands walking the runway.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian: “Leave My Sister’s Nipples Alone!””

Miley Cyrus is Blonde and Nearly Eyebrowless for W

Miley W eyebrowsMiley Cyrus fulfills the wishes of those of us who were sitting around wondering what she looks like with super Swedish blonde hair and eyebrows with her new W Magazine spread.

The Girl With The Really Bad Tattoos tells Ronan Farrow (son of Mia) that “guys try too hard” with her, explaining that she doesn’t need to go to fancy restaurants or vacations.

I mean, really, why go to Nobu or The Ivy when you could twerk on dwarves and balance malt liquor bottles on your ass in the Dollar Tree parking lot?

Here are just a few of the interview highlights and photos that made me throw up in my mouth a little…

On being an unconventional sex symbol: “I like that I’m associated with sexuality and the kind of punk-rock shit where we just don’t care. Like Madonna or Blondie or Joan Jett – Jett’s the one that I still get a little shaky around. She did what I did in such a crazier way. I mean, girls then weren’t supposed to wear leather pants and, like, fucking rock out. And she did.”  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus is Blonde and Nearly Eyebrowless for W”

Amy Adams For Vanity Fair, January 2014

Amy Adams Vanity fair coverAmy Adams gets straight to the point (and half-naked) in the latest issue of Vanity Fair. Spreading holiday cheer with candy canes and signature ginge minge at famed celebrity hangout Chateau Marmont, Adams tells VF that she is “not pregnant” or looking to get married anytime soon to longtime boyfriend/fiancé Darren Le Gallo.

“I know he’s completely capable and lovely, and beautiful, and offers something I could never hope to offer just in the nature of his being,” Adams says.

She also talks about losing weight and being brown in David O. Russell’s American Hustle, which lazily combines the casts of his previous films, Silver Linings Playbook and The Fighter.

“It’s amazing what a tan can do. Because I’m not tan, so that was fun to play with,” Adams added.  Continue reading “Amy Adams For Vanity Fair, January 2014”

Gaga Meeting Brit Actress and Style Icon June Brown is the Best Thing You’ll See This Week

June Brown Lady Gaga Graham Norton I’m not telling you to forget about BatKid, twin bonds or the bundled-up toddler’s reaction to ice, but Lady Gaga met her match in EastEnders star June Brown on the most recent episode of The Graham Norton Show on BBC America and it was fantastic.

First off, it’s always fun seeing Gaga interact with non-Little Monster humans, but no guest – not interviewee Jude Law or interviewer – has ever given her as much of a run for her money as Brown, who gave no f*cks in fur and jokingly lectured Gaga on the dangers of the lyric “do what you want with my body.”

Continue reading “Gaga Meeting Brit Actress and Style Icon June Brown is the Best Thing You’ll See This Week”

Rihanna For British GQ, December 2013

Rihanna snake cover gq Rihanna joins acclaimed art director Damien Hirst for British GQ’s 25th anniversary issue all decked out in snakes looking like a voodoo queen sidekick of Angela Bassett in American Horror Story: Coven. (DID YOU SEE her sitting on that elaborate throne playing Solitaire on an iPad?)

Rihanna’s interview from the December edition of the magazine isn’t available yet, so here are some quotes from her recent sit-down with Glamour.

On being bullied / developing a thick skin: “I got teased my entire school life. What they were picking on I don’t even understand. It was my skin color. Then when I got older, it was about my breasts. But I’m not victimized – I’m grateful. I think those experiences were strategically put together by God for the preparation of being in the music industry. It’s so easy for me to deal with the bullsh*t now.”

Continue reading “Rihanna For British GQ, December 2013”

With the Help of Makeup and Photoshop, Tyra Banks Becomes White

Tyra as cara dBlack supermodel Tyra Banks recently posted photos of herself transformed into a few white supermodels, which upset a handful of idiots who complained about “whiteface” somehow being as bad as blackface.

This reminds me of the fucking cockamamie argument that it’s okay for us all to say the n-word just because black people do. Funny because I don’t recall anyone voluntarily entering shackles in the 1800s.

It’s also Tyra Banks, the maniacal puppetmaster who told us all to kiss her fat ass as she impersonated a homeless person, an ugly person (or was that the same episode?), and dressed her ANTM girls up in everything from drag to their birthday suits and dangled them out of windows for fun.

The Cara Delevingne impression is actually spot-on. Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford not so much. In a new batch of photos she uses her magic to become black again, mimicking Iman and Grace Jones.

Kim Kardashian Gets Hair To Match Brains

Kim Kardashian blond hair Who do you think of, when you think of the quintessential blonde? Paris Hilton, Elle Woods, Heidi Montag, Marilyn Monroe, Courtney Stodden, Anna Nicole…?

I know I just pissed a bunch of people off by putting Marilyn in with those clowns, but really, who deserves a spot on the list more than the utterly brainless reality show royalty known as Kim Kardashian?

Fortunately or not, Kim, the self-proclaimed “hardest working woman in America,” is now a blonde and has earned more than just a position under Kanye. She’s also a mom now, so here’s my favorite related joke…

A brunette mom, a redhead mom and a blonde mom are sitting around…

The brunette mom says, “I found cigarettes in my daughter’s room, oh my God, I can’t believe she smokes!” Then the redhead mom says, “I found a bottle of vodka in my daughter’s room and I just had no idea she drank!” The blonde mom laughs and says, “I found condoms in my daughter’s room, I can’t believe she has a penis!!!”

Shailene Woodley’s Naturopathic, Organic Lifestyle is Refreshing and Oddly Charming

Shailene Woodley Flaunt 2013
Shailene Woodley is one of my people. Like the daughter of one of my mom’s friends, foraging for roots and saving mouse bones and and analyzing owl poop. You know her, right?

She played Clooney’s troublemaking daughter in The Descendants and the goody two-shoes girlfriend in the realistic and touching no-nonsense indie drama The Spectacular Now. She’s also been cast as Mary Jane in the third Amazing Spider-Man movie.

I’m not saying she’s a serial killer with that bone and poop stuff, to be clear. I’m saying she’s a lovable, wonderfully eccentric hippie who cares about the earth and being spiritual without judging anyone and not leaving a carbon footprint and all that other stuff that seems so cheesy and kind of makes you want to puke because you know you’re inferior and couldn’t live without 2% beef and 98% possum organ Taco Bell meat.

Here’s a word about her not-very-American eating and living habits, from Flaunt:

I think everything about my lifestyle is fairly alternative,” says the star. “I gather my own spring water from mountains every month. I go to a farm to get my food. I make everything from my own toothpaste to my own body lotions and face oils.”

Woodley continued, “I make my own medicines; I don’t get those from doctors. I make my own cheese and forage wild foods and identify wild plants. It’s an entire lifestyle. It’s appealing to my soul.”

You go girl. Rubbing mercury on your face is no bueno. Put a stick in cancer’s spokes and let the sweet sweet dirty brown chicken eggs enter your basket.
Woodley Flaunt b&w
Nothing sexual going on here at all. I would say it’s one hippie to another but I eat way too much candy and light milk anti-antioxidant chocolate to identify as anything but a gluttonous technology-addicted slob.

Anna Kendrick For GQ, September 2013

Anna Kendrick bra GQI was thinking of posting something that allows readers to vote for either Emma Stone, Aubrey Plaza or Jennifer Lawrence in a sort of funny, bangable down-to-earth lady contest and completely forgot about Anna Kendrick, the girl who became rapidly famous after landing a role in Twilight, then the Academy Award-nominated Up in the Air and beloved fan-favorite Pitch Perfect which then led to the unexpected top 40 hit “Cups.”

On top of all this, she’s nice and not a bridge-dwelling ogre? C’est la vie.

Here she is for GQ: semi topless with a honey-colored beehive. Within the mag, she talks about being embarrassed when she’s accosted for autographs while underwear shopping. Buy her favorite beer (Belgian-style) after you ask and she may forgive.

I Look More Like Beyonce than Beyonce on Flaunt Magazine

Beyonce photoshopped flaunt Beyonce chatted up Flaunt Magazine about Pepsi and pizza and posed for some futuristic photos that just look absolutely nothing like her. Tyra Banks maybe, or Vivica A. Fox, but Bey? No. Anything to do with Pepsi and aliens gets me thinking and (laughing) about that amazing Lana Del Rey drag queen parody. (“I guess you could say I’m like the gangster Nancy Sinatra in that, like, she’s not a gangster and I’m not a Sinatra.”)

I know there’s constant talk of magazines photoshopping models and celebrities, but what about all the “artistic” shoots that still airbrush and morph everyone into barely human fossils of their former selves? They just get a pass, orrrr?

Who am I to talk though? I stay up until 5:00 a.m. with a goal of eventually melting the skin on my eyelids away until I look like the mutant baby from Total Recall.  Continue reading “I Look More Like Beyonce than Beyonce on Flaunt Magazine”

Best and Worst Dressed at the 2013 Met Gala

beyonce-met-gala 2013
Does the Met Gala serve a purpose, besides as a platform for celebs to outdo each other with extravagant designer gowns doused in gems that cost more than a box of black market livers?

WHO CARES. Look at the gold Givenchy dress Beyonce wore and weep poor-person tears.
Miley Cyrus Met Gala 2012Kristen Stewart Met Gala 2013
WORST: Miley Cyrus (in meshy Marc Jacobs) and Kristen Stewart (in Stella McCartney).

Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.
Rooney Mara GivenchyTaylor Swift Met Gala 2013
BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel). CLICK for more insane dresses…