Chemical Used to Turn Soda Brown Causes Cancer

Harry Styles pepsiPeople who thought avoiding diet soda would help them steer clear of cancer are sorely mistaken. These days, due to the laziness and greed of manufacturers, you can count on the additives in pretty much all prepackaged, non-organic food and drink to put you at risk for cancer, including of course, the common chemical used to turn your favorite sodas brown.

Pepsi, Coke, Dr. Pepper and other brands have been strongly linked to the disease due to their use of 4-Methylimidazole.  Continue reading “Chemical Used to Turn Soda Brown Causes Cancer”

Coke Turns to Demon Puke When You Boil it

You’ve probably heard the urban legend about mixing Pop Rocks and Coke, and that Pepsi is so acidic it can be used to remove rust and super-caked on grime on items that probably belong in the trash (since you’re considering dumping soda on them), but you’ve probably never wondered or seen what happens to Coca-Cola when you boil it for a few minutes.

YouTube user CrazyRussianHacker, known for videos of college-friendly “Life Hacks” like beer-stacking and Cheeto-eating techniques, showed us what a pot containing two 16 oz. bottles of Coke looks like after being on a stove top, and it’s pretty gross.  Continue reading “Coke Turns to Demon Puke When You Boil it”

Video: How To Get Free McDonald’s

In the no-nonsense video titled “Free McDonald’s,” Perth, Australia natives and YouTube masters Children of Poseidon (Cactus Body Slam, anybody?) teach us how to steal fast food.

1. Fumble for your wallet at the first window.

2. Tell them you’ll pay at the second.

3. Take the food and drive off.

Finally, Something That Can’t Fit Inside Vanessa Hudgens…

Vanessa Hudgens giant pizza A lot of things presumably fit inside of Vanessa Hudgens. The robots and monsters from Pacific Rim, cameramen, props from Spring Breakers, ice cream, Pet Sounds on vinyl, Nintendo GameCube, radiators, tape dispensers, Mickey Rourke’s plastic surgery… Human, foot, ping pong, basket, tennis and soccer balls…

Basically everything but Zac Efron and this giant pizza have been inside her. I mean look at that thing.

Surely whoever helped her make that mess in the background could eat it, but she just couldn’t without a stomach parasite and intermittent bathroom breaks. Right? Right.

Paula Deen Fires Agent, Seeks Extra Strength Slate-Cleaning Solution

Paula Deen Britney SpearsI’m not sure what you’ve been doing over the holiday. The internet says most of us are eating hot dogs (150 million to be exact) and burning ourselves beyond recognition with both fireworks and gasoline from the grill.

Mildly ignorant Paula Deen has been letting go of all the people associated with her past career as a successful enemy of the American Heart Association (mutual foe of the very real National Sausage and Hot Dog Council) in an attempt to resurrect her current non-existent one as a grammatically challenged member of the Hooded Order.

This includes the firing of her longtime agent, Barry Weiner. (Any excuse to talk about weiners.)  Continue reading “Paula Deen Fires Agent, Seeks Extra Strength Slate-Cleaning Solution”

Jennifer Aniston is a Brita Filter, Really

Jennifer aniston salad tosserYou may find yourself wondering what’s going on with the cast of Friends these days, well, Courtney Cox is looking like Cher’s grandma who bought plastic surgery in the back of a joint tortilla and pizza cart in Mexico City…

Matthew Perry is filling the void of another cancelled show by talking about why Chandler Bing’s eye bags were deeper than Crater Lake. Lisa Kudrow is being awesome, swimming in yogurt money and preparing for a third season of Web Therapy to air on Showtime (Matt LeBlanc’s doing the same with Episodes).

But what’s the most famous alumn up to? LET ME TELL YOU. Jennifer Aniston just gave an interview with New York Magazine where she called her body a “purified system” that rejects bad food.

Aniston explained that her organic body reacted to a Big Mac as if it were gasoline. “I think what you put in your body, as well as stress, is reflected in the quality of your skin,” she said.  Continue reading “Jennifer Aniston is a Brita Filter, Really”

Take Your Butter Money and Run, Girl: Paula Deen Fired From Food Network

Paula Deen apology videoPaula Deen, Mistress of Carbs, maker of delicious, oozing vodka-soaked chicken with chocolate sauce and essence of Hostess Twinkies, has been terminated by the Food Network after she attempted to apologize (twice) for casually admitting that she uses the n-word.

Before telling the public they’d chosen not to renew her contract, the Food Network issued a statement assuring everyone that they do not tolerate bigotry no matter how delicious the bigot’s food is.

“Food Network does not tolerate any form of discrimination and is a strong proponent of diversity and inclusion. We will continue to monitor the situation,” they clarified.

Mrs. Deen and her people scrambled all day to set it right, booking an appearance on the Today Show that was eventually cancelled in favor of a second apology video (first HERE).

Clumps of mascara circled her eyes like helicopters behind Snoop Dogg’s house as her tears [and the tears of her fans] soaked into the ground and gave all the worms and moles severe chest pains and a sudden shooting pain in their arm.  CLICK to watch the video…

Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate

Denise Richards groceriesFrom the start of her career, Denise Richards was never exactly a full-figured woman, but lately she’s been looking like strips of elk jerky carelessly sewn onto bone.

Sort of a modern-day version of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of her arms, pressed from the weight of one of the many children in her care, fell onto the ground and disintegrated in a puff of celery-scented smoke.

I’m not saying she doesn’t eat, I’m just saying she doesn’t eat donuts. But that’s what she’d have us believe. Denise, extra on edge because of recent attention from the media, Tweeted a photo of one sprinkle-covered carb circle in hopes of changing opinions.  Continue reading “Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate”

Kraft is Proud That There’s Mold (and Not Worms) in Their Capri Sun

capri sun moldEarly in 2012, a woman appeared on the local news in South Carolina after finding what she thought was a worm in her son’s Capri Sun.

Kraft sent a slightly famous, very apathetic response basically telling her that their products contain warnings about such things, and due to the wonderful non-use of preservatives (“a fact that many moms like”), it’s common for mold to form if the pouch has been punctured.

That description had me picturing fermentation directly after the sharp end of the straw hits its target.

And you know fermentation equals alcohol, which equals drunk children (a perfect explanation for bad behavior).  Continue reading “Kraft is Proud That There’s Mold (and Not Worms) in Their Capri Sun”

Oprah To Peddle Organic Veggies and Beauty Products

Oprah Winfrey has tackled television, movies and magazines and is now planting her pitchfork firmly in the organic food industry.

Documents dug up by the New York Post show that she is deciding on the names “Oprah’s Organics,” “Oprah’s Harvest” and “Oprah’s Farm” for her new business

Edibles will be grown in Hawaii and will spawn beverages, salad dressing, frozen vegetables, soup, and snack dips.

And, she’s not only going to be stepping on Paul Newman’s toes, but Burt’s Bees as well.

Beauty products like soaps, shower gels, lotion, shampoo, oils and skin care cream are also on the menu and I’d be very surprised if Oprah’s beaming face wasn’t on every bottle.

Surprisingly, she’s not even listed as one of the top 20 richest women in America.  Continue reading “Oprah To Peddle Organic Veggies and Beauty Products”

Pizza Hut – From Hot Dogs To Cheeseburgers

Curse you Pizza Hut for withholding more exotic options from me and my fellow Americans!

First it was hot dog stuffed-crust in the UK and now in the Middle East it’s a ring of cheeseburgers circling a pile of beef and vegetables. From their website:

“Grilled mini cheeseburgers nestled in golden crown crusts. All in a pizza topped with beef, fresh tomato and lettuce, delightfully drizzled with Pizza Hut’s special sauce.”

Pizza Hut ME – with locations in Egypt, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Turkey, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Oman, Qatar and Bahrain – is also offering a chicken filet pizza as part of its Crown Crust Carnival.

Continue reading “Pizza Hut – From Hot Dogs To Cheeseburgers”

Snooki Is Craving Health Food? Hmmm…

In between tweeting photos of her cats and boyfriend Snooki took the time to discuss her baby, jovially responding to people who tell her that her baby is going to be the antichrist and sharing the information:

“I’m craving a lot of fruits! No fatty foods wohoo! I love being pregnant!” And “I love grapes.” 

When asked if she was craving pickles more than ever she replied, “Nope. Don’t want ’em.”

Could it be? The more junk food you eat while not pregnant the less you crave it when you’re knocked up? No, but I wish.

I’d become pregnant for a month or two and abort the damn thing. I’d basically be on a diet forever if I could repeat the process every few months.  Continue reading “Snooki Is Craving Health Food? Hmmm…”

Burger King Menu Looks McFamiliar

Yesterday was a big day for fast-food-chain-of-the-past Burger King. No less than twelve menu items were added, which is the greatest amount since its opening in 1954.

Several new types of salads (like Chicken Apple and Chicken BLT) plus frappes, smoothies, seven-lettuce snack wraps (WTF) and breakfast burritos are among the choices.  Continue reading “Burger King Menu Looks McFamiliar”

It Looks Like Alicia Silverstone Is French-Kissing Her Baby

But really she’s feeding it, the way a wild mama bird would, spitting partially-chewed vegan foodstuffs into her son’s mouth as if it were as normal as racism on Xbox Live.

The Clueless/Batman & Robin/actual Blast From The Past actress posted a picture and video on her hippie-granola website, “The Kind Life” with the message:

“Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup…from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite…and mine.”

“He literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I’m eating. This video was taken about a month or 2 ago when he was a bit wobbly. Now he is grabbing my mouth to get the food!”  Continue reading “It Looks Like Alicia Silverstone Is French-Kissing Her Baby”