Old Ass Michael Jordan Expecting Fourth Child

20131130-182547.jpgGood news! Michael Jordan’s ancient balls are still magical. The 50-year-old basketball legend and model wife Yvette Preito announced via Us Weekly that they are expecting their first child together, and grandpa-aged Jordan’s fourth overall. (Not-so-great-news for the various women who have unsuccessfully sued Jordan for child support.)

To get an idea of just how old of a dad he is, when this youngest son/daughter is 25 he’ll be 75, and by the time he or she is 50, like 2013-edition MJ, he or she will almost certainly be fatherless.

Just two more kids and he’ll have one for each championship ring….

Tori Spelling’s Sanity Shrinks As Her Litter Expands

Tori Spelling is pregnant with not her second or third child but her fourth, and here’s the kicker, it’s been a mere five months since she popped out her last churren, in October. This reminds me of a quote from Friends,

“It’s gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!”

Spelling announced her pregnancy yesterday on her website. “Dean, Liam, Stella, Hattie, and I are beyond thrilled to announce that another little McDermott is on the way! We feel truly blessed that another angel has found us.” 

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Sinead O’Connor Got Married For The Fourth Time

Sinead O’Connor is absolutely insane, and sort of the last person I expected to be an attention-seeking hooker. I mean, burning a picture of the pope is one thing, blogging about fellatio and getting married more than three times, that’s a whole other ballpark. Non-literal balls.

The man in question, whom O’Connor married in Vegas on her 45th birthday, is 38 year-old Barry Herridge. Connor met Herridge, an addiction counselor, online a mere three months ago.

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